


Take Our Hands Out of Control

by stereobone



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-06-04 17:48:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 43,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6668353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stereobone/pseuds/stereobone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Hux meets Kylo Ren, he knows exactly what kind of man he is.</p>
<p>Until, as it turns out, he doesn't. And then Hux starts to wonder if he even knows himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"A man chooses his poison. I've chosen you. And it's the sweetest bloody thing." – **Ernest Hemingway**  

\--

  

\--

This is how it starts:

"If you feel so strongly about this, perhaps we should bring it up to the Supreme Leader," Ren says. 

On the bridge, Hux sets his jaw and knows the pulse of it is visible. He gives nothing else away. Barely into the day cycle and already they're at it—this time about troop numbers on the ground. Wisely, no one has pointed out that the regulation of stormtroopers is for Captain Phasma to oversee normally. They don't expect to see Kylo Ren and General Hux in a room without some tension anymore. That they dislike each other is no secret.

"No need to bother the Supreme Leader over such a trivial matter, don't you think?" Hux says. 

He can't see a damn thing Ren's face might be doing under that helmet, but he assumes he's grinning. 

"I agree, General," Ren says. 

"I had no idea you could be agreeable," Hux says, voice low and scathing. No matter how much they snipe at each other, Hux is always sure to keep his voice down. He's not going to have his men see him lose his temper over Kylo Ren, of all people. "Today is full of surprises." 

In front of him, Ren doesn't move. Everyone is pretending not to watch them. These sorts of grade school pissing contests have become the norm between them, and something of a spectacle on the bridge, in the canteen, _anywhere._ Ren has the uncanny ability to get under his skin when no one else can, and Hux can't explain why. Hux can ignore most men, but Ren is different. Hux can't seem to ignore him, even when he tries. He's never had to deal with a Force-user before. Hux wonders if they're all like Ren—arrogant and infuriating and cryptic. No wonder Snoke wants them wiped out. The fact that they're both vying for power doesn't help, but Hux has no sympathy for Ren's struggles. He was born into power, Hux had to take it. 

And somehow, despite how often they're at each other's throat, they still manage to run the Finalizer successfully. Their strategies are different but manage to get results, though Hux hates to admit it. All he knows is it's the most complicated and inconvenient working relationship he's ever had. 

"If there's nothing else," he says, with no kindness in his voice. 

Ren pauses like he's actually considering bringing something else up. Hux will admit it's a little unnerving, not being able to see the face under that helmet, though he's become something of an expert at reading Ren's moods through his voice and movement. He's also taken to imagining what Kylo Ren looks like—scarred, hideous, mismatched features. It gives him a sick satisfaction to do so. 

"That will be all, General," Ren says eventually, and then he leaves the bridge, and Hux hates the way he walks away, like he's in control. 

"Sir," someone says, and it takes Hux a moment to realize he's been watching the empty blast doors where Ren last was. 

"What?" he says, a hiss, and then calms when he's handed a datapad. "Update?" 

"The final generator is fully operational, General, we expect to move onto the planet within the next week." 

"Excellent," Hux says. 

He signs off on the report and hands the datapad back. The bridge is quieter now, with a clear view of the planet's white surface ahead. Knowing they'll have good news to report to Snoke almost clears Hux's mood up. Almost. 

\-- 

Hux knows all kinds of men. He's traveled all across this galaxy, seen men of power, men of cowardice, men of love and anger and fear. When he meets Kylo Ren, he knows what kind of man he is. He's unstable. He's always standing next to Hux ready to explode, like the stitches of him are coming apart. Even when Ren is calm Hux can feel the rage rolling off him like a morning fog. He hates working with him. He remembers when Snoke first introduced them. Kylo had been statued in front of Snoke like a loyal attack dog, arms loose at his sides, though his hands were curled into tight fists. Hux expected him to remove the helmet, reduce the formality of the meeting, but he didn't. He didn't even shake his hand. 

"Supreme Leader," Hux said, wary, because he knew he hadn't been summoned just to meet Snoke's favorite apprentice. This was something else. 

And that was when Snoke handed over command of the Finalizer. To them both. Hux gritted his teeth and thanked the Supreme Leader for his trust and guidance. Ren barely said a word. He annoyed Hux immediately because he was given as much power as him and seemed about just as arrogant, but infinitely more reckless. Their command of the Finalizer ran smoothly for all of a day before they butted heads, and only a week passed before Ren throttled a petty officer. Hux assumed after their third heated argument Snoke would realize his error and separate them. He would get his ship back, and Ren would go anywhere else.

He assumed incorrectly. 

\-- 

Hux's morning routine goes like this: up at 0600, a run around the ship's track, breakfast and a shower, communication updates, and then overseeing the bridge. This morning, as he combs his hair in place, he remembers that Ren is off on a mission for Snoke. The whole ship will breathe easier today. 

Preparations for Starkiller Base have been going on for months now. It's mostly Hux doing the legwork, and he actually prefers it that way. This is his magnum opus—he's content to take all the credit. Ren doesn't even really seem all that interested in the project, which Hux finds deplorable. Ren is too wrapped up in his training, in his obsession with finding Luke Skywalker. But when the last Jedi is defeated, what they'll have left is this. The Jedi are a blip compared to the First Order's true goals. 

Hux walks onto the bridge with a fierce craving for a cigarette. He's been trying to cut back, but when Ren isn't around Hux often finds himself searching for something to do with his hands, since they're not curled into fists.

"Sir," Lieutenant Mitaka says. "Ground has been broken for the weapon."

"We still have troops on guard, yes?" Hux opens the map. "The planet's been cleaned, but there's still wildlife out there."

"Yes, General. Two units on each quadrant." 

Ren had only wanted one. Hux smiles. 

"Good work." 

Hux has only been on the planet a handful of times so far. The location is good, and Hux isn't very fond of the cold but is willing to put that aside. Once operations are up and running in the next week, he's eager to walk the ground, to run his hands along the metal of the walls. He wants to start construction of the weapon immediately. He wants to move around that base knowing he brought it to life. They've picked something up on the scanners a few times—too big to be human, too erratic to be a ship. Its image blips and moves but then disappears altogether. The whole thing is unsettling to Hux, though he hasn't let his men know that. He and Ren silently agreed to keep a watch on things. 

The rest of the day goes without incident: Hux attends only two meetings, disciplines only one officer. At the end of the night, he unwinds with a brandy and a cigarette in his quarters. When Ren is gone, his duties double, but Hux doesn't mind. He likes keeping busy, and some nights, like tonight, sleep just won't come to him. Even after a second glass, Hux sits in the quiet of his room and it's like he can hear every sound of the ship around him. He sighs and sets his glass down. 

Operations are always slower at night, so Hux is alone on the observation desk. He grips the railing and leans forward, watches the stars unfold like pins before him. He's spent a lot of time on ships, even as a boy, and looking at the stars calms him. Despite their distance from his home planet, Hux can recognize the different systems. He names them quietly in his head. It surprises him when the doors open, more so when the person entering is Kylo Ren. He pauses briefly when he notices Hux, but otherwise keeps moving. His ever-heavy footsteps stop once he's lined up next to him. He smells like sulfur. 

"You're back early," Hux says. 

"My mission was completed," Ren says. 

Hux wonders what it was this time. He'll admit to being curious. He'll even admit to respecting the power Ren has. It's something he doesn't quite understand, and hates that he never truly will. Hux doesn't like being left out of things. 

"Have you reported to Snoke?" 

"…Later," Ren says, and even through the helmet Hux can hear he's tired. 

Silence settles between them, and it's not necessarily uncomfortable, but Hux still feels unnerved. He glances at Ren and notices he's standing awkwardly. Hux shifts his weight, clicks his jaw. 

"We had no incident today on the planet, if you're curious." 

Ren says nothing. Hux opens his mouth to tell him to leave if he's going to be such awful company, but then something drips between them. Hux blinks, looks down, and sees the black-red color of blood on the floor. He steps back. 

"Shit, Ren, you're bleeding."

He looks up but can't quite tell where it's coming from—the shoulder, maybe, dripping down his arm. Ren doesn't seem at all concerned. 

"You imbecile," Hux says. "You're injured. Go to the medbay. Why are you standing here bleeding out?" 

"I wanted to look at the stars," Ren says. 

Hux stares at him. There's no telling what he's thinking under that helmet, no seeing any kind of emotion. The most Hux can get is when Ren's shoulders have tensed—that means he's angry. But his shoulders aren't tense. Hux has no idea what's going on with him. He's seen Ren act like this a few times before, like he's a different person, or not all the way present. These are the kind of moments that get Hux curious against his better judgment. These are the moments when he wonders about Ren as more than just a co-commander, as a person, or whatever he might truly be under that outfit. It's dangerous territory, which is why he doesn't do it often. 

"I didn't take you as the type to enjoy the stars." 

"I find them calming." 

"I was unaware you knew the meaning of the word," Hux says, instead of agreeing with him. 

"Well now you can add another insight to your ever-growing file on me." 

"It is finally filling out," Hux says, the retort coming easy and automatic. 

It's an odd moment. Hux hesitates to admit they just shared something alarmingly close to a joke, the way comrades might. 

"And you?" Ren asks. "What are you doing up here so late into the night cycle?" 

Hux pauses. Instinct tells him to answer with an insult, something to close the conversation off. But he doesn't see any real reason to spark an argument between them, not at the moment. 

"I was instructed as a boy to memorize every star system. Every planet, every constellation. I recite them sometimes. It's soothing." He glances at Ren sidelong. "You should try it." 

"I have other methods," Ren says. 

"My damage log assures you they're not working." 

Instead of answering him, Ren leans forward and looks up as if searching for some place he can't quite see. Blood drips steadier between them, almost black in color. There's a pool of it on the floor now, not exactly large, but enough that Hux is sure Ren should be applying bactastrips instead of standing here looking into space. 

"You're a very strange man," Hux tells him. 

"You say that like you're surprised." 

"More indignant," Hux says. 

Ren doesn't respond right away. He's still looking out at the stars—for what, Hux doesn't know. Sometimes Ren speaks in stupid riddles Hux is positive all Force-users like. But eventually, Ren turns and looks at him, black nothing through his helmet. 

"Goodnight, General," he says, and then he's leaving. 

Hux watches him go, and then points, uselessly, to the floor. 

"Your _blood,_ Ren." 

"I'll send a droid in." 

Suddenly, Hux is exhausted. He waits for Ren to send the cleaning droid in, and is surprised when he actually does. Then he goes back to his quarters. He falls asleep almost immediately. 

\-- 

Ren doesn't show on the bridge the next morning. He doesn't show by early afternoon, either. Hux notices his absence and then gets on with his day. It's inspection time, and Hux always enjoys inspection time. He likes knowing when his ship is running efficiently. Down in the lower levels, he meets with Captain Phasma for stormtrooper inspection. It's very satisfying to see them all lined up in rows—an identical sea of white, perfectly programmed. The hangar they're in is large, the ceilings high, and so every step echoes off the walls. Hux walks the lines of troopers quickly and then meets with Phasma at the front. 

"How has combat training been progressing?" 

"Excellently, sir," Phasma says. "Target practice has been especially successful." 

Hux hums. "Not hard to hit a stationary target, though."

"We've used moving as well." 

"Now that is impressive," Hux says. 

He likes Phasma very much. She's efficient, dedicated. Though she spends most of her time overseeing the troopers, she and Hux will train together on occasion. It's wise, in her opinion, never to get soft with fight training. Hux agrees. 

"Has Commander Ren found you yet?" she asks. 

Hux pauses at the mention of Ren's name, remembers the blood dripping between them last night. 

"I've not seen Commander Ren today. He's looking for me?" 

"Or so it appeared," Phasma says. "He was walking around by the canteen like he was looking for someone, anyway." 

"Who knows what Ren is doing," Hux says, thinking of him last night, bleeding. 

Phasma's chuckle is unmistakable. 

"I see your working relationship with Kylo Ren continues to develop nicely." 

"Allow me to remind you that humor is not your strongest quality," Hux says, though not unkindly. 

"Noted," says Phasma. "But he was looking for someone. I imagine it could only be you." 

"Possibly…" Hux gives one last quick sweep over the troopers. "Your division can be at ease now, Captain. Inspection passed." 

Phasma salutes him. "Sir." 

Now Hux supposes he should go find Ren. They _have_ issued comms, though he's positive he's never seen Ren use his. Hux could call him on it himself, but he refuses to initiate that contact. He takes the lift up and decides the most effective place to check will be the bridge. That is, if Ren is even looking for him. Hux tries to think if Ren would be looking for anyone else on this ship, and quickly realizes that he hasn't seen him actually interact with anyone else. Giving orders, sure, threatening—he's seen all that. But Hux begins to wonder if he's the only person on this ship Ren has had an actual conversation with. 

When the lift doors open, Ren is standing there like he was waiting, and Hux very nearly has a heart attack, though he doesn't show it. 

"Ren," he says. "I see you haven't bled out." 

"The Supreme Leader is sending me on a mission." 

Hux steps out of the lift. "Now? You've only just returned." 

"Now," Ren says. 

Hux nods, and they begin to walk in step, though he's curious, wary. Snoke doesn't normally send Ren out like this, in such quick succession. 

"Is something happening?" he asks. "Movement with the Republic?" 

"No," Ren says. "This is a Force matter, General, you need not be concerned." 

"Don't play that card with me." Hux picks up the pace of his walk. Ren matches him. "If it deals with the First Order, then it's my business." 

"We may have found intel on a map to Luke Skywalker," Ren says after a pause. 

They turn the corner together, and it occurs to Hux that he doesn't actually know where they're going. The bridge, possibly. Hux is just focused on not letting Ren get ahead of him. 

"I see," Hux says. "Well that could be lucrative indeed." 

"Very." 

Hux hesitates before he speaks next. At first, he tells himself that it's not his concern, but then he argues that it is. If his co-commander is hurt, that directly affects him. 

"Does Leader Snoke know you're injured?" 

He regrets speaking the moment Ren's head turns in his direction and he asks, "Are you concerned for my wellbeing, General?" 

Hux sneers.

"I'm concerned about having to explain to the Supreme Leader why I let his favorite apprentice run off to be killed when I knew he was bleeding the night before." 

They slow to a natural stop just before the central command room. Ren says nothing at first, though strangely, Hux feels like the air around them is…softer. It's the only way he can explain it. 

"My wound will not hinder me," Ren says eventually. "So you needn't worry." 

"That was not worry," Hux says, and he knows Ren hears him, but he's already walking away. 

\-- 

His father taught him everything. He schooled him over poorly rationed meals, put him into training with older recruits, taught him what was out there beyond their home planet, what they needed to fix. Days it rained too hard on Arkanis to even go outside, Hux's father would tell him stories of the Empire, of the chaos before and after their fall. Emotion, he'd told him. The failure to control. All this led to chaos, to disorder. To show emotion was to show weakness, and showing weakness meant you'd be eaten alive. Hux listened to every word, thin fingers folded in his lap. He took those words with him as he grew. He entered the Academy possessing a resolve no one could break, though people tried. He garnered a reputation as being emotionless, sociopathic, terrifying. Hux liked it that way. He knew how to get whatever he needed, whomever he wanted, and go wherever he needed to go. It came as a surprise to no one when he was promoted to General.

Nights the stress got to him, nights he remembered he was only human, Hux would sit in his bunk and recite the star systems. The mantra of the repetition leveled him. The day someone told Hux he was inhuman, Hux smiled.

_Good,_ he'd thought. No need to let a little thing like humanity get in the way of life.

\--

After Ren leaves, things happen like this: a generator ruptures on Starkiller Base, killing almost twenty stormtroopers. Ground lieutenants assure Hux the setback will be minimal, but it's a setback nonetheless. Hux decides the only thing he can do is assess the damage for himself. He bundles up and takes a command shuttle down to the planet. This wasn't the way Hux wanted to see things, and certainly not the way he wanted to spend his day.

The cold still takes him by surprise. Hux's breath feels like it's freezing in his lungs when he steps off the command shuttle. He fastens his hood tighter and lets one of the petty officers lead him to the damage. Despite the wind, the generator is smoking, plumes of black that disintegrate into the sky. Dead troopers are being carried away.

"So what happened?" Hux asks.

"We're still assessing the damage. A power line in the generator must have frozen over and combusted."

Despite the snow, Hux drops to one knee and looks over the charred remains of the generator. He picks up a stray piece of metal from the snow and turns it over, examines the blackness of it. The way it's been damaged it almost too neat, and the metal pushes inwards as if struck from the outside. Hux stands and walks over to another piece of the wreckage—this one clearly damaged from an explosion. There are others with the same damage as the first though. It almost looks like claw marks. 

"General," the petty officer says. "What are your orders?" 

"Get this area cleaned up, cordoned off for now." Hux wipes soot and snow from his gloves. "I want patrol on each quadrant of the base, understood? Normal operations should resume immediately."

"Sir."

The petty officer relays the information into his comm. Hux stares out into the woods. He doesn't have a good feeling about this, but he's not about to cause a panic among his men over a feeling. At any rate, this will delay their move onto the planet. They can't have a generator down with weather like this. Hux shivers in his coat and heads back to the command shuttle. 

Back on the Finalizer, Hux is in and out of meetings all day, and relies on two ration bars to get him through it all. One meeting involves a video call with an old Imperial officer, one of the few to survive the Galactic Civil War. Hux should respect him, but he mostly finds him intolerable. 

"We want to move our troops onto Starkiller by the end of the turn, General."

"Movement has only been delayed slightly," Hux says. "We ask for your patience."

"A delay? Would your father have tolerated such laziness from his troops?" 

Hux arm shakes before he can stop it. Years of military training stop him from showing the anger, but he feels it under his clothes like a sun. By the time the meeting is over, Hux is aching for a cigarette. He chews a ration bar instead. When he finally gets to his quarters for the evening, he looks over the cam footage from the base. The footage only catches the edge of the explosion, shows no evidence of what might have happened. But Hux watches it a second and third time. And then again and again, until his vision blurs. 

\-- 

He wakes up with the feeling of anger still lingering in his chest. He ignores it. Hux goes through his morning routine and mentally prepares himself to report to Snoke. He's loath to admit that the Supreme Leader intimidates him. But the mystery of him, the legend, even the towering form of his hologram all set Hux on edge. Reporting to him fills Hux with a certain anxiety, especially alone. At least with Ren there, Snoke has someone else to focus on. But Hux never lets that show. If he's to accomplish his goal, his real goal, he needs to maintain his position. Everything else will pay off in time. So Hux steels himself before entering the chamber, and walks to Snoke with his head high, projecting nothing but confidence.

"General," Snoke says. "Explain this delay."

"A generator malfunctioned. There's a delay, yes, but manpower has been increased to make up for the time that will be lost." 

Snoke leans back in his seat, mulling.

"The longer we remain at less than full power, the more vulnerable we are," he says. 

"I know," says Hux. "I take responsibility—"

"It isn't about taking the responsibility, General. It _is_ your responsibility. Do not forget I've entrusted this task to you."

Hux swallows a lump of dread in his throat, unable to really see the Supreme Leader fully from this angle, but very aware of what he's implying.

"I won't," he says. "Your trust in me was not misplaced, Supreme Leader."

"We'll see," Snoke says, and leans forward again.

Hux expects to be dismissed, but Snoke just watches him, considering him. He waits. When Snoke speaks again, his voice is softer, an echo.

"Loyalties are important to our cause."

"…I agree most sincerely," Hux says.

"And yet loyalty is not a fixed line." Snoke pauses, jaw shifting. "It is corruptible. Sometimes by things beyond our control."

Hux nods, and something creeps up his spine and tells him this is not good, not at all.

"Supreme Leader," he says, unable to keep the edge from his voice. "If I may…if you could tell me what it is you need—"

"I know your dedication to the First Order is solid. I want to know if you sense anything less than such from others."

Hux lets out a breath, his newly forming anxiety dissolving.

"You suspect a spy?"

"No," Snoke says. "I only ask for you to remain diligent."

"It is my honor to, Supreme Leader."

"Kylo Ren," Snoke says, and Hux's jaw clenches. "You spend more time with my apprentice than any other."

"As my co-commander, we often make decisions together, yes."

"And he has been sufficient."

Hux can tell it's a question. He just isn't sure how to answer. _Sufficient_ is a vague word, but coming from Snoke it seems loaded. Hux would much rather run the Finalizer alone, oversee everything by himself, and yet he knows better than to say that to Snoke, because that's not the answer he's looking for.

"We see things differently at times," Hux says finally. "You know I find Ren's lack of regard for policy…troublesome. But he is a sufficient co-commander. He sees to the task at hand."

The words are probably the nicest Hux has ever said about him. Snoke nods, seemingly satisfied.

"He is of the Light and the Dark. I know Force matters do not concern you, General, but he remains our key to destroying the last Jedi and bringing victory to the First Order. I've spent much time training him…molding him…and it's wise to protect such an investment."

"Of course," Hux says, wary again.

"It is wise on your part as well," Snoke says. "Should you notice a disturbance in him, I expect it to reported to me."

Hux blinks. He thinks back to Ren on the observation desk, how strange he'd been. Is that something worth mentioning? He isn't sure. He doesn't know exactly what Snoke is asking for, but he knows not to ask.

"I understand, Supreme Leader," he says. "But, with respect, I have many responsibilities. I can't keep watch over Ren's activities at every moment."

"You're a clever man, General. I imagine you can find a way to multitask."

"Of course," says Hux.

Snoke leans back again, and Hux knows this conversation is ending, and is beyond relieved.

"Go now," he says. "Continue your exemplary work."

"Yes, Supreme Leader."

Hux hates that he feels like he's walking out with his tail between his legs. He hates the renewed anger he feels, being asked to keep an eye on Ren. This is not his _job._ The trust Snoke must have in him to divulge such information is promising, but Hux isn't sure if it's worth it at the cost of babysitting Kylo Ren, or whatever Snoke truly wants. Once again, he's been trapped by vagueness. Hux hopes he'll feel calmer walking up the levels, but by the time he nears the bridge he's only more frustrated. He enters just as a message comes up for him on the computer. One of the petty officers alerts him. Hux pauses. It's barely past 0900. When he gets to the computer, he sees one of the stormtrooper captains come into view.

"Sir," the trooper says. "Commander Ren has returned."

"Already?" Hux says, wonders why he's being told this, and then frowns. "What has he done?"

"I…don't know, sir. No one will go in the hangar."

"Oh for the love of—report back to your division. I'll handle this." Hux turns to Lieutenant Mitaka. "Take over."

Hux turns on his heel and starts walking. Usually, he stays out of Ren's way when he's like this—everyone does. But Hux feels spread thin right now. Frustrated. He's had enough of Ren not being there when things go wrong. If Snoke wants him to babysit his favorite apprentice, fine. Hux will put an end to this right now.

By the time Hux gets there, Ren has already finished destroying three mechanic droids. From the looks of it, they're the only casualties.

"Ren," Hux says.

In front of him, Ren's shoulders are heaving, his robes like fettered wings on his back. His head turns slowly, almost mechanically.

"General," he says. "Good morning."

"Are you quite done obliterating things?"

Ren's lightsaber is still activated, crackling, that incessant, unstable humming. The way he stands there, it's as if he's trying to decide whether or not he _is_ done. Hux has never seen him like this before. Normally, he only gets a view of the aftermath of Ren's anger—the slashed computers, the smoking metal—but now he's seeing it full force, and Hux will admit it's a little intimidating. The air in the hangar is thick, almost suffocating. Ren is even more unhinged than usual, and Hux knows what he can do. But he also knows what he won't do. Hux looks at the smoking droids behind him.

"Stop destroying our ship," he says, and takes a bold step forward in anger.

He expects Ren to match him, to meet him, but he doesn't. In fact, Ren steps back like he's been hit with something, straightening. Hux forgets his anger for a moment. All he can think is _interesting_. He's never seen Ren step back—not once. 

Then Ren says, "Do you really want to test me in a fight?" and Hux's rage sparks like a match again.

"Don't be childish, Ren," he says.

Surprisingly, Ren says nothing back. He just deactivates his lightsaber and walks away, robes turning around him. Hux watches him, he can't help it. And long after Ren's gone, Hux can't forget the way he stepped back. Part of him wants to follow him, prod him more, figure out what went wrong. Ren's anger tends to turn outward only when he's furious with himself. Hux could use looking at someone else's shortcomings for once.

Instead, he trains with Phasma in the rec area. She pushes him, and Hux appreciates that. He's not exactly built, more a man of lean muscle, and Hux has no desire to fight, but he likes knowing he's able to subdue an attacker. They take to the mats with training sticks and practice footwork, blocking, striking. Phasma is incredible, Hux admits that readily. Her body is tall but she controls it effortlessly, like a well-functioning machine. Even the times she makes a hit on Hux, he doesn't mind.

"I hear Commander Ren destroyed some droids today," she says, just as Hux dodges a strike to the abdomen.

At the sound of Ren's name, Hux's stance tenses. He breathes out and focuses.

"You heard correctly."

A jab to the shoulder, blocked. A sweep at her feet, dodged.

"Did you really approach him in the middle of his fit? The troopers in my division were talking…"

Hux blocks a head strike and then thinks about Ren stepping back again. He'd seemed surprised. Maybe. It would have been easier to tell if Hux wasn't always looking into the black hole of a helmet. But he stepped back, and it doesn't make sense to Hux. Once Hux has a read on a person, he can predict their movements with terrifying accuracy. He'd never have predicted that from Ren. And as he's thinking it, Phasma takes his feet out from under him, and Hux is flipped back onto the mat.

"Damn," he says.

Phasma offers him a hand.

"One more?"

Later, after he's showered, there's a knock on his door. The computer alerts him that it's Ren. Hux pauses, suspicious. Ren never comes to his quarters. Never. He'd disappeared for hours earlier, Hux assumes to calm down, but when he opens the door, Ren is standing there like he's all rage, shoulders pulled back, legs apart. Hux watches him, bored.

"Have you come to finally fight me?" he says.

Ren steps forward once, his presence heavy. "Never approach me like that again."

"Oh," Hux says. "Is that was this is about? You're upset I saw your tantrum?"

He steps aside to let Ren in. He's not really in the mood for this conversation, but gets the feeling it's going to happen regardless.

"You shouldn't take that kind of advice lightly, General."

"I take nothing lightly, Ren." Hux finishes buttoning his collar and eyes Ren over. "I've had enough of you destroying this ship every time things don't go your way."

"You wouldn't understand—"

"I understand," Hux says, his temper reaching boiling point. "I understand you failed your mission to—" 

He shuts up when Ren shoves him against the wall. It's all him, no use of the Force, and Hux loses his breath for a moment, but is still too angry to be afraid. He mirrors Ren's grip on his shoulders. If Ren is trying to intimidate him, it won't work. He knows exactly what Ren's doing. He saw Ren weak, and now Ren's trying to take back control.

"Yes, by all means," Hux says. "Hit me. We'll see what Snoke has to say about that."

Instead of moving, Ren squeezes his shoulders harder. The grip hurts, but Hux doesn't let himself wince.

"My missions are none of your concern," Ren says.

"Aren't they? Or are you just eager to forget your failures?"

Hux pushes forward and then Ren pushes back. They scuffle, briefly mostly just pushing against each other until their movement jostles Hux's desk. For a moment they just stand there, frozen in their own anger, and then Hux realizes that Ren is hard. He can feel it, plain as anything, pushed against his hip. What he should do is humiliate him for it. What he should do is bare his teeth in a cruel sneer and push him away in disgust. What he does instead is look down. Calls attention to it. And then realizes he's half-hard as well. Ren must realize that at about the same time, because his head drops too. The air is thick between them for a moment. Hux can't tell if Ren is horrified or angry or what. And then they're rutting against each other.

Hux doesn't really know why it's happening and he doesn't question it. He shoves his leg between Ren's thighs and grinds up, satisfied with the way Ren's grip on his shoulders tightens. And Ren is a fast learner—he returns the gesture just as easily, ragged breathing seeping out from his helmet. Hux ignores his own panting. He ignores the fact that he's going to come in his pants like a damned cadet. He just keeps moving, because it feels impossibly good, and somehow impossibly satisfying.

It doesn't last very long. Ren comes first with a shuddering groan, and then presses himself against Hux until he follows. Once it's all over, Ren doesn't say make a sound. He pulls away from Hux and the space between them feels like miles. Hux tries to imagine what he looks like underneath that mask again—humiliated, he hopes. Ren stands there awkwardly, and Hux feels the dampness growing in his trousers.

"Get out," he says.

Ren does without a word. It isn't until the doors hiss shut that Hux allows himself to sink to his knees and exhale.

\-- 

He doesn't think about it after. He doesn't. He focuses all of his mental energy on anything and everything else. Luckily, a Resistance spy has been captured a star system away and is en route to their ship, which puts everyone in a good mood. If there's one thing Hux does like about Ren, it's his uncanny ability to get information from people very, very quickly. Hux actually finds it rather admirable. Once the prisoner is on board, Ren steps onto the bridge, and Hux forces himself not to look away from him. He also refuses to feel guilty about what happened. In fact, he refuses to feel anything about it at all. He just listens to Ren's report, brows furrowed.

"I defer this to your expertise," Hux says.

Ren nods almost cordially. When Hux gets down to the interrogation room only twenty minutes later, Ren already has what they need.

"Good," Hux says.

He walks next to Ren down the hall, and realizes suddenly that this is the closest they've been since yesterday. If Ren notices, he does a wonderful job of not showing it. This close, Hux can only think about the noise he'd made when he came.

"The Supreme Leader will need to be informed," Ren says.

"We're due to report to him tomorrow," says Hux. "Make sure the prisoner is…comfortable, until then. Snoke might want more from him."

"I already have," Ren says, walking ahead now, and Hux decides he still hates him.

He doesn't know what the other day was, but it won't be happening again. It hasn't affected their working relationship, and Hux doesn't intend to let it. He's absolutely certain this isn't what Snoke had in mind when he asked him to keep a closer eye on Ren. But Hux can be allowed a moment of weakness, even if that weakness was Kylo Ren. It won't happen again.

Until three days later, when it does. 

He and Ren start having it out, the quiet way they always do, stalking down the hall together until Hux makes it to his quarters. Then they both remember. Hux pauses, then codes the door open, and turns. Ren is still there, but everything about him speaks to a degree of hesitation. Hux wets his lips and knows Ren's watching his every move. He also knows he should tell him to go, knows he should stop this right now. Hux knows a lot of things.

"Well are you just going to stand there or are you coming in?" he asks.

Ren steps inside, and they're at it again. 

They have enough sense to get their cocks out this time, at least. Hux grabs Ren's length and is pleased to see that he's leaking for it, swollen. Ren hedges him against the wall again, feral, and jerks his hips into Hux's hand.

"Don't you dare come on my uniform," Hux hisses in his ear. 

"Be quiet," Ren says, but he angles away anyway, and there's something awfully beautiful about the way Kylo Ren shakes above him. 

"You're a degenerate pervert," Hux tells him, and Ren drags his hand up Hux's thigh. 

It happens again the next day, and then again, after a little spat about efficiency numbers, only this time Ren pushes him into a dark corner in the hall. They both know where they can be seen and where they can't; they know when patrols come by. Hux still thinks it's too much of a risk, but he can't seem to get those words out when Ren cups his erection through his pants. Instead he inhales sharply and concentrates on not making too much noise. Ren always acts like he's desperate for it, and Hux won't lie and say that doesn't give him a certain satisfaction. Knowing how much he wants. 

"Hurry up, you animal— _ah._ "   

He grabs Ren flush by the ass and pulls him closer without thinking. He moves to get a better grip on Ren, hand reaching up to grip his shoulder. Ren hisses, stuttering forward, and Hux's smile is cruel. 

"Oh, is that where your injury is?" 

He presses his fingers against the skin again, dizzy when Ren pushes into the pain. 

And this is how it is. Always after one of their little tiffs, and always Ren initiating it. He'll shove Hux against the wall, the corner, anywhere he can, and they'll rut against each other until they're both ruined. Their clothes never come off. It's pure release, and Hux likes it that way. Ren runs off immediately after, and Hux straightens himself out and gets back to work. He thinks, in a bizarre way, that it might actually be a good thing. Ren seems to destroy things less. Turns out all he needs is another way to release his frustrations. And as for Hux, well, he tries not to think about what it's doing for him at all. He doesn't think about the face that might be lurking under Ren's mask, doesn't think about the fact that if Snoke found out, he'd be a dead man, or the even more horrifying fact that, despite knowing this, he has no plans to stop. 

\-- 

The day they make their official move onto Starkiller Base, Ren isn't even there. He's been gone a little over a day for training, per Snoke's orders. Technically, he isn't integral to the moving process. The move isn't even happening all at once—divisions will be stationed, plans designed, and construction of the weapon can finally, finally begin—they'll still be going back and forth to the Finalizer. But it bothers Hux anyway that he's not there. He wakes up in a sour mood about it, and he shouldn't. This is the day he's been waiting for. This weapon is his brainchild. There's no need to fight a war when you can win it with one shot, and that's exactly what Hux plans to do.

Four shuttles take them down onto the planet. Hux steps into the hangar in a better mood already, admires the impressive build of the structure, the slickness of the design. The area for officers' quarters is larger than on the Finalizer, more spaced out. Hux takes a few of his personal effects in—toiletries, mostly, and sets things up in his room. Then he sits on the bed—big enough for three, he's sure—and relaxes for the first time in a month. He's got another hour before he needs to start his first round of checks, and then a meeting, and the day will be free. Hux leans back against the mattress, the smell of it new and anonymous. 

Suddenly, the alarm on his comm beeps. It's a fifteen-minute-warning before checks. He'd fallen asleep without even realizing. Hux inspects himself in the mirror quickly—no crease marks on his cheeks—and then starts getting ready. 

A week later, Ren returns. Hux pretends not to notice, though it's hard to do when he's alerted to every ship that comes in and out of the base. After a few hours of allowing him to get settled, Hux goes looking for him. They've started preliminary construction—a path to the barrel of the weapon—and these are things Ren needs to be informed of. Hux tells himself this can't wait. He starts down the hall toward the officers' quarters, and ignores the flood of heat in his chest. He pauses, boots squeaking on the floor, when he sees Ren standing in the hall. Hux waits for him to notice him, but Ren seems oddly preoccupied. Distant. Instead of moving forward, Hux stares. 

Ren is staring at nothing, his hands in fists at his sides. His shoulders aren't tense, though. He's not angry. Hux doesn't know what he is. He's reminded of the night Ren came back bleeding. He was different, then, and he's different now, like his body is walking but he's not in it. Hux watches him without meaning to, and Ren doesn't even notice. Ren's head dips down and then moves back up, almost like he's rocking in and out of consciousness. 

"Ren," Hux says.

His head snaps over to him, tense now. Ren relaxes his hands for a moment and his fingers uncurl, limp, before retracting back into fists.

"Having trouble acclimating to the cold?" Hux asks. 

He expects Ren to bite back, in fact he waits for it, heat pooled in his belly. But the pause between them grows uncomfortable, strange. 

"No," Ren says, short and simple, and then he walks away. 

Hux blinks, frowns. He has a half a mind to follow him, even though every inch of him is screaming that it's a bad idea. Then his comm goes off. 

"General! There's been an attack!"

Hux scrambles to pull his comm out.

"Resistance?" 

"No, sir, we don't know—it's some kind of beast." 

Hux swears into the empty hallway and walks quickly toward the command room. They're not at full operation yet, they don't need an attack like this. That day the generator ruptured, Hux knew it was something more, but he wasn't about to slow construction, not again, not when they'd already run into so many snags. He shoves his way into the command room for an update. 

"Update, Lieutenant, _now._ "

"Two troopers ran into some kind of creature just past the west quadrant." Mitaka's lip is trembling he's speaking so fast. "They managed to call in for help, but they were both killed. Another division saw a white…thing, running on all fours. They say it was like a bantha, but faster. They shot at it, sir, but no hit." 

As he finishes, Ren walks into the command room. 

"General Hux," he says, no trace of the oddness in him from just minutes ago. "Let's go." 

They check out the west quadrant with a small squad. Ren and Hux lead at the front, trudging through snow and wind. Just as reported, two troopers are dead in the snow. One's arm has been torn off completely, the other is in more pieces. Hux wrinkles his nose. Even in this freeze, he can smell the coppery tang of their blood. 

"You say someone shot at the attacker?" Hux asks. 

"Yes, sir," a trooper says. "The beast ran off." 

"It was going to eat them," Ren says. 

He squats down and stares at the two dead troopers. The wind blows his hood back, and Hux can see stray strands of hair peeking out underneath his helmet. 

"It's the same creature we saw on our scanners, no doubt." Hux grits his teeth. "I'd been hoping it was some anomaly." 

"You knew it wasn't." 

"I wasn't about to bring another delay to the Supreme Leader on an unsubstantiated feeling," Hux says. 

"Nor should you have." Ren stands. "But now we know, don't we? Maybe you'll trust your instincts, next time." 

Hux ignores his last sentence.

"I'm pulling the rest of the personnel in. If it was going to eat these men, then we don't need any prey sitting out for it to hunt." 

He relays the order to the troopers with a nod, and they disperse. The wind blows again, fiercer than before, and Ren looks up at the white sky. Hux looks up as well, though the snow and cold forces him to turn away. 

"We'll have to delay construction," Hux says, the cold putting him in an even worse mood. "The Supreme Leader will not be pleased." 

"There's a storm coming, anyway," Ren says. "We'll have to ground the shuttles." 

"As long as that beast can't rip through our doors, staying here won't be an issue tonight." Hux glances again at the dead troopers. A speeder should be out soon to pick up their bodies. "We'll hunt for it when the storm passes." 

"No need," Ren says. "It knows where its next meal is—it'll be back." 

He brushes past Hux, footsteps even heavier on the snow. Flakes are pinned to his robes. Hux follows after him. 

\--

Ren is right about the storm. The scanners confirm it shortly after they return indoors. The storm comes hard and fast—covers the planet in a white cloud of wind and snow that would freeze them all if they dared step outside. Any personnel on Starkiller are confined there for the unforeseeable future. Most of them are still on the Finalizer, though, and Hux makes communication from the command room to give orders. Lieutenant Mitaka will act in accordance while they're delayed. Despite the sturdiness of the base, Hux can hear the wind howling outside, the creaking as the buildings settle into place. At night, he stares up at his ceiling and imagines the star systems above him, the constellations. He remembers the monster, and the way the wind took the edges of Ren's hair and made them dance. Dark hair, Hux thinks, nearly black. Somehow, he'd always imagined that.

There are enough officers for a meeting the next morning. The storm is still raging something fierce, but Hux sees no reason why they should waste a day because of some wind and ice. He sends a reminder to Ren but is unsurprised when he doesn't show up. This is more typical Ren behavior. He takes a seat at the head of the table and they discuss what's to be done. 

The harsh season on the planet is ending, so storms like this shouldn't be an issue, and with extra men on construction, they can finish the weapon as planned—hopefully. Dark matter and a sun aren't easy things to control. But materials are being flown in regularly, and as long as they can kill this monster they have roaming around, there shouldn't be any more delays. Once that's sorted, they talk info on the New Republic. The system is already corrupted and failing and nearly everyone knows it. Hux certainly predicted it.

"How certain are we that the galaxy will be welcoming to us after the New Republic's defeat?" Corporal Grena asks.

She's a young, fierce officer, a bit too egotistical for Hux's tastes, though. As she speaks, she makes eye contact with Hux, her irises a sharp brown.

"You have concerns, Corporal?" Hux asks.

"Loyalties can be bought, people recruited."

"You think our best bet is to bargain with the New Republic?"

Hux regards her with a half-smile, but his eyes, he knows, are not friendly.

"No," she says. "But I wonder if killing so many at once—"

"Do you know why the New Republic is failing?" 

Corporal Grena blinks, silent. 

"Because," Hux says, "they try to appease all and so they appease none. They worry too much of the affairs of those who don't matter. People have no issue with subjugation, so long as they feel comforted. And emotions have no place in war, in fact they're rather bothersome in general, Corporal, wouldn't you agree?"

Hux watches her shrink. He glances to the other end of the table, forgetting Ren won't be there. When Grena says nothing else, Hux taps his finger against the table. 

"Now then, let's move on to our weapons log…" 

Ren never shows at the meeting, and as far as Hux can tell, he hasn't left his quarters at all. There's still no sign of him the next day. Hux stands in the command room alone, no one to make snide comments to or about. This has happened before, and usually after training. Ren will disappear for days on end, locked up in his quarters, only to emerge like nothing has happened. Hux wouldn't mind as much right now if it weren't for the murderous beast that's apparently stalking their base. And with the storm still raging, nothing much can be done anyway—no construction, no attacks, nothing. By the time evening rolls around, Hux is bored out of his skull, but it takes another two hours for him to make the decision to go to Ren's quarters.

He's never actually been to Ren's room before, not even on the Finalizer. They've always stayed out of each other's way. The first time Ren was in Hux's room was the day their relationship took a more intimate turn. So this, Hux knows it's unorthodox, but he tells himself it's strictly business. Ren can't hide out forever. Hux stops in front of his door and knocks once, loudly, and waits. It doesn't surprise him when there's no answer. 

"It's Hux," he says. 

After another minute of silence, Hux sighs. 

"Ren, open up, I know you're in there." 

Still nothing. Hux growls and hits the override on the door. Cold air rushes out when the door opens, and Hux takes a step back. The room looks unoccupied. Bare. There's hardly anything in there—a single bed, a chair, a table—but nothing personal. They've only just moved onto base, but still. Hux had assumed Ren had least some material possessions. He swallows and steps in. Ren is nowhere to be seen, not until Hux notices the enclave by the chair. There's a curtain separating a narrow corridor, which Hux quickly realizes is a room. 

"Ren," he says again, but his voice remains unanswered. 

Hux folds the curtain aside with one hand, and then freezes. Ren sits cross-legged on the floor, helmet off. His eyes are shut, and Hux realizes he's meditating, but all he can do is stare at his face—pale, smooth-skinned, _young._ He looks utterly, horrifyingly human. Hux wants to leave. He knows he should, but can't make his feet move, can't do anything but stare at the curve of Ren's lips, the shape of his brow. Then Ren's eyes snap open, wide and dark and empty. Hux tenses. He looks disoriented for a moment, eyes glassy and unfocused, and then he realizes Hux is there. He realizes he's seeing him. Hux watches his chest swell with anger, and somehow, impossibly, the room darkens. It practically shakes. Hux has no time to open his mouth to explain before he's being thrown backward. He hits the wall—not particularly hard, but enough that it knocks the wind from him momentarily. Hux buckles to one knee and then jumps upright again. 

"Get out," Ren says, and his voice sounds young, soft, even with the anger scratching it. "Get _out_!" 

Hux doesn't need to be told again. He leaves quickly and the door shuts hard behind him, the metal sound echoing into the hall. In the quiet, Ren's face flashes in Hux's mind again. He touches his hand to his heart and realizes it's beating much too fast. Hux stands outside Ren's door and waits for his pulse to slow. It takes far too long to do so.


	2. Chapter 2

Hux wakes and the storm still lingers. He feels it in his bones when he stands, hears it beyond the hardened walls of the base. Scanners show the storm moving east, but at its current speed, it will still be an issue for them for another day. Hux watches the storm on the scanner, eyes narrowed as if he can scare it away himself. The longer they delay, the longer the New Republic has to get their shit together. And for some reason, being confined to the base feels more stifling than the Finalizer. The knowledge he can't leave makes Hux irritable, like he has an itch he can't reach under his collar. He's in the command room to do what he can regardless, though mostly it's to get an update on the weather and see if their little beast has made any appearance. It hasn't. That doesn't surprise Hux, he figured it would lie low during the storm. He hopes clearer weather will draw it out into the open. The officer at the computer assures him it will.

"Has Ren been around at all?" Hux asks. 

The officer tells him that no, Ren hasn't been seen, and would Hux like for him to be contacted? 

"No," Hux says, quickly. 

He looks up again at the doors and foolishly expects Ren to step back through them. He doesn't. Outside, the storm keeps moving, and though they're locked securely inside, Hux could swear the base feels colder. 

\-- 

The day gives him nothing to do but think about Ren. Hux checks in with the Finalizer and gives his orders, but there's nothing he can do beyond that. He likes being occupied, likes having a purpose and a task. Without one, he fills up with nervous energy. Hux sits in his quarters and attempts to go over old reports, blueprints, anything, but Ren's face pushes to the forefront of his mind without his permission. He can't seem to push it away. 

Ren has an odd face, from what Hux can remember. Odd, long, and yet strangely mesmerizing. Hux thinks he remembers seeing a mole above his left eyebrow, but he can't be sure. The most vivid thing he remembers is how pale he'd seemed, how young. How _vulnerable._ Hux taps his finger against his wrist. He wants to see Ren's face again. He wants to run his fingers over the skin and press in. It alarms Hux, to realize it. His feet ache in his boots and he crosses one leg over the other, hyperaware of his own body. When the feeling lingers, Hux pushes himself up from his desk and sees to other things. 

He can only busy himself with so many other things before he's left walking the halls without a purpose. Self-control stops him from checking in with the Finalizer or the command room every few minutes—Hux doesn't need to spread his energy to the rest of his men. He breaks for a cold, unsatisfying lunch. He eats alone often, if he even really breaks to eat at all. Sometimes he'll eat with the other officers in a show of camaraderie. Ren has never once eaten in the canteen on the Finalizer. For a while, Hux wasn't convinced he even ate at all. But now he's sure he takes every meal alone.

After lunch, Hux walks the halls with a fresh caf and spots Ren coming around the corner. It's a bit of a shock to see him, and strange now that he's masked. Hux almost expected to see him bare faced. They're walking opposite directions, but Hux still slows in his step to acknowledge him. Only Ren doesn't slow his step—Hux could swear he picks up his pace. In fact, he's positive he does. 

Hux stops, turns in time to see the tail end of Ren's robes as he disappears into another room. The realization hits him all at once. It isn't just that Ren is avoiding everyone. Ren is avoiding _him._ Hux feels a sudden advantage he hadn't had before, and he smiles with it. He lingers in the hall a moment longer to take a sip of his caf before returning to the command room. He wonders how many have seen Ren's face and lived to tell about it. Not many, he's sure. And yet here Hux is, alive. He walks through the blast doors of the command room and is greeted by the officer from earlier. 

"Sir," he says. "I was just about to contact you. We've picked something up on the scanners. Southern Quadrant, near us." 

Hux sets his caf down. "Show me." 

"Could be an anomaly from the storm, but, with the erraticism of the movement, I'd say it's our beast." 

Hux watches the movement. It's circular. The beast is _stalking_ the base. He's able to track the movement only another few minutes before the snow cover obscures it entirely. 

"Interesting," Hux says. "Call a meeting with available personnel. It's time we had a strategy for when this storm passes." 

He picks his caf up and takes another sip, the liquid still warm. The meeting isn't strictly necessary, but it's something to do, and Hux feels a kind of vendetta against this creature now. And a meeting, well, Ren might just show up to that. In fact, Hux is hoping that he does. 

\-- 

The meeting starts at exactly 1400. 

At 1405, Ren joins them. Hux doesn't stop speaking to acknowledge or look at him.

1430, Hux details a plan of attack, and Ren speaks for the first time. 

"This seems more personal than practical," he says, and it's strange to hear his voice so distorted now. 

Hux doesn't miss a beat. 

"I take the endangerment of my men personally." A pause. "And a creature like that shouldn't be taken lightly. Though, everything has a weakness, don't you agree, Ren?" 

He looks right at him, smiles, and wishes he could see his face for a different reason this time. Ren doesn't respond. 

1450, someone makes a markedly stupid suggestion. Hux dismisses it. 

1503, the meeting ends. Ren hasn't said another word. As soon as Hux calls it, Ren is up and gone before anyone else can move, and Hux's lips twitch with the beginnings of a smile the rest of the day. 

\-- 

And then he dreams of him. Falls asleep and immediately Ren is there, face bare and open. He's speaking to him, but Hux can't hear anything he's saying. He tries, yet all he gets is silence. He tries to understand Ren, yet there's nothing to make sense of. Hux jerks awake with a dry mouth and a foul mood. 

Even the storm passing doesn't help his mood much. The base is clear, but their beast has made no appearance, like he's lost interest or simply disappeared, though Hux knows that's not the case. He wants them to plan an attack the second it shows up on their scanners again. The storm has passed, but it's a big risk sending workers out with the beast out there. 

Ren must still be avoiding him, because Hux makes it to his second caf and he still hasn't shown or made his presence on the base known in any way. Hux hates that he's still thinking about him, that Ren wormed his way into his dreams now and he's not sure he'll ever be free of him. 

This isn't even behavior Hux can report to Snoke, not without him knowing what's been going on. And for that, he can only blame himself. Is Ren's behavior entirely because of Hux, or whatever Snoke is wary of? Hux doesn't know, and he almost doesn't want to. What he wants is to get off the base. The feeling hits him like a shove, washes over him in a cold sweat. The confines of the base feel suffocating right now. Tight. Anxiety floods his chest and hangs there, heavy. 

Hux dumps his caf and leaves the command room. He walks straight to the storm doors, ignores any eyes on him, ignores the risk of what he's doing. When he steps out into the cold, it's actually a relief. He inhales and his lungs feel more open, clean. The wind is still sweeping snow around wildly, but not as much as before. Hux shuts his eyes and breathes. He's not a fool. He knows better than to stray far, especially with that monster around. He checks once to make sure he's got his sidearm, and then starts walking. Visibility is much better now. He can see the line of trees ahead, one of the generators. It hums even through the wind. He lingers within a hundred meters of the base, switching his gaze from the storm doors to the trees. He just needs a moment to get his bearings back. It's a bit colder to him now, but still refreshing to be out here. Then he thinks of Ren. It's infuriating. _He's_ infuriating. Hux doesn't understand how Ren's gotten under his skin like this. He isn't worth it. He's an attack dog. Unstable. Insane, even. And Hux desperately wants to see the pale skin of his face again. He swears into the cold air. 

"Hux." 

Hux spins around and sees Ren standing just behind him. 

"Hells, Ren, don't you know when a man wants to be left alone?" 

Ren doesn't move. 

"That's not why I'm here." 

His head turns a degree to the left and Hux follows. There, by the trees, is the beast. The monster. Whatever it is. Hux tastes fear in the back of his mouth and reaches for his blaster. It's still by the tree line, but will notice them at any moment now. They won't be able to turn back without a fight. Hux had been so lost in his own thoughts he hadn't even noticed. 

He glances at Ren. He hasn't pulled his lightsaber yet. He's just watching. Hux wonders if he sensed it, the beast, or if he really did come looking for him, and isn't sure which one he'd rather be true. 

The beast lifts its large head to the sky and inhales. The wind has carried their scent over by now. It turns its gaze in their direction. Hux aims with his blaster. 

"You won't hit it from here," Ren says. 

Hux shuts his left eye and steadies his hand. 

"Yes I will." 

He fires just as the beast moves. The shot hits its shoulder dead-on. If it weren't for the wind, Hux probably would have gotten the head shot. He doesn't have time to grin smugly at Ren before the beast starts charging at them, and now, finally, Ren pulls his lightsaber. Hux has never seen Ren in battle before. He's only heard about it, overheard from troopers mostly, how he moves like a shadow, erratic and inhuman. He swallows and holds his blaster steady as Ren activates the lightsaber. The hum of it reminds him of static. 

"Don't fire," Ren says, and Hux actually listens. 

The beast is less than fifty meters from them, running on all fours, mouth open in a snarl. It's all white fur and sharp teeth. Hux is having a hard time grasping how Ren is going to kill this thing before it tears them to shreds. His finger itches over the trigger, and he wants to fire, he wants—and then Ren grabs him and shoves them both down just as the beast is upon them, but not before slicing up to take its arm. 

Hux lands face first in the snow and rolls over quickly, spitting. The beast is screaming now, bright blood against the snow as it swings the stump of its arm around wildly. Ren is standing again already, walking toward it. Then he attacks. 

Lightsaber combat is always something Hux took to be beautiful. He's never seen it, except on holoprojections, but it's like a dance—coordinated, intricate, beautiful. Kylo Ren's fighting style is not beautiful. He slashes like he doesn't care about being hurt, swings up and over as if the blade is a burden to him. It's reckless, but Hux has to admit it's effective. Ren slashes the beast's belly open, then takes one of its legs. The thing falls hard to the snow, hot puffs of pained breath escaping. Ren stands over it, watching it, and then lands the finishing blow through its head. The beast's cries echo once into the air, and then all is silent. 

Ren turns his head in Hux's direction, deactivates his lightsaber.

"Did you know I was out here?" Hux asks. 

Ren tucks his lightsaber away and doesn't answer him. Hux sighs, scowling. He dusts snow from his jacket and holsters his blaster. 

"Ren, I asked you a question—"

"What were you doing out here?" Ren asks. 

Hux pauses, embarrassed, and then adjusts his coat. 

"You're avoiding me," he says. 

"I'm not…avoiding you," Ren says. "I think you've spent too much time indoors. It's clouding your judgment." 

"Is it because I saw you?" Hux asks. "Because I saw the face you work so hard to hide?" 

"Enough," Ren says. 

Before Hux can add anything else, Ren turns and starts walking back to the base. Hux watches briefly before following, though by the time he enters the storm doors, Ren has disappeared from sight. 

\--

The beast's body is incinerated. They still have no idea what it was. Some suggested a wampa, but those have been extinct since the Empire fell. All Hux cares about is that it's dead. They transfer back to the Finalizer once the grounding is lifted. Technicians and workers are to be shuttled to the planet to continue building, and the atmosphere is a map of black ships, gliding steady for landing. Ren takes his own shuttle back to the Finalizer. Hux watches it disappear into the second hangar and then busies himself with his datapad. He expects to see Ren on the bridge later, only he isn't there.

The old remnants of Imperial troops are given clearance to land on the planet. Hux orders the clearance himself, smug, knowing that old Imperial officer can hear him. He breaks for lunch in his quarters and eats while pouring over some blueprints, files on how to harness the energy of the sun and dark matter. Hux wishes he were more scientifically apt for this sort of thing, but his knowledge only takes him so far. It just puts him at a disadvantage, not knowing the full extent of the science behind it. Hux loathes a lack of knowledge. When he'd heard that Snoke had recruited a Force-user into the First Order, he'd taken to researching everything he could find about the Force, the Jedi, the Sith. The inevitable lack of data made him furious. The Force had fallen into legend, and Hux's findings were unverifiable, rooted in myth. Still, he'd taken that myth and memorized it. Hux is never one to be caught unawares.

By the night cycle, it's obvious Ren is still avoiding him. Hux doesn't mention anything about it to him again. If their little trysts are over, then they're over. And it's better this way, because Hux can watch him for Snoke without getting caught up in something he shouldn't. It's over, and Hux tells himself he doesn't mind, even if thoughts of Ren's face have started to border on obsession. Days pass and Ren doesn't so much as brush against him. When they walk the length of bridge together, it's as if Ren is angling himself away from Hux. Construction continues. Hux spends nights sleepless and pretending not to think. Time moves as if nothing happened between them at all. 

And then, a week after the storm on Starkiller, there's a knock on Hux's door late in the night cycle. Hux knows who it is before he opens the door to see Ren standing there, fully masked, unreadable. He doesn't move. Hux tries not to feel relieved, seeing him again like this. 

"Stop standing there and come in," he says, and Ren does. 

He doesn't sit. He stands in the middle of the room as the door slides shut. Hux watches him. 

"What do you want, Ren?" 

Ren doesn't say anything, and Hux wonders when avoiding him stopped being a choice and started being an exercise in futility. 

"Are you planning on speaking at all?" he asks. 

Ren still says nothing, just stands there, a bundle of indecision. Hux steps back over to his desk, ignoring the growing want in his pelvis. They haven't been alone like this in too long. He shuts his datapad off, knows he's not getting anything else done tonight. 

"Did you know I was outside?" he asks. "On Starkiller, after the storm." 

"If you're going to ask me foolish questions," Ren says, "I can easily go." 

He makes like he's going to, straightening, but Hux steps in front of the door. 

"And yet you came here," he says. "You're here now." 

"Yes," Ren says. 

He steps toward Hux, and this could go just the way it always has. It could. But when Ren tries to back him against the wall, Hux stops him with a hand to his chest. 

"No," he says. 

Ren cocks his head. Hux runs his tongue over his teeth, mouth oddly dry. 

"Take that damned helmet off," he says. 

There's a pause. 

"Why?" Ren asks. 

Hux has to swallow to get the saliva to speak again. 

"Because I want to see you," he says. 

Hux thinks, for a moment, that Ren might refuse. This isn't part of the deal, after all, the parameters they seem to have silently set. But then Ren lifts his hands, presses the hidden catches and removes the helmet, and Hux almost regrets telling him to do so. He's pale as he remembers, unscarred, lips obscene. His hair is fluffed and a little wild from the helmet, his eyes wide, still dark as they were that evening. Ren becomes a different being altogether then. He becomes human. Hux lets go of a breath he didn't realize he was holding.

"How many have seen you like this?" he asks. 

"None," Ren says, "besides the Supreme Leader." 

His voice is low, soft. Heat pools in Hux's belly. Ren seems to be having a hard time meeting his eyes, his gaze turned down and sometimes to the side, but never to Hux. 

"Is this what you wanted?" Ren asks, voice surprisingly even. "Have you been waiting to see me like this again?" 

Hux swallows, stomach churning with arousal. 

"That's not all I wanted," he says, and at that Ren does look at him. "Take off your clothes." 

He'd always thought Kylo Ren wore the helmet in a sick dedication to Vader. Hux realizes now it's because Ren is too easy to read without it. And this, this isn't what Hux expected at all. Ren's lips part, his pupils dilating. Hux wanted to ruin him, before. He wanted to take him apart, wanted him to choke on his name. Now he doesn't know what he wants. Every muscle in his body tightens and then releases, tongue darting out to wet his lips. Hux can't remember the last time he was this turned on.

"Get undressed," he says again, quieter, and Ren obeys. 

It's something else, seeing Ren fumble at his clothes, look uncertain for the first time. Without his robes, Ren appears smaller—still broad-shouldered, well muscled—but his lankiness is magnified. His boots and trousers come off and then Ren is standing there, erect, fingers twitching at his sides. He's eager, which is good, because so is Hux. Instead of undressing, he walks forward and closes the distance between them. His gloved hand presses against Ren's chest and even through the leather he can feel the heat of Ren's skin. There's something very unhinged about Ren, and at first that fact annoyed Hux, but now he finds it rather intriguing.

Ren leans down and Hux stops him by pushing once at his chest. Ren looks openly taken aback, so used to the helmet covering his expressions. He's shaking with arousal over Hux, looming still, and really, he could turn the tables so easily if he wanted. He could, but he doesn't. He's waiting, Hux realizes, for him to take control. So Hux does. He hadn't planned on kissing him, but with lips like Ren's it'd be a shame not to. Hux wraps a hand around the back of Ren's skull and pulls him down for a kiss.

It's messy immediately. Ren kisses too eagerly, all wet and open, searching. Hux has to yank on his hair a bit to get him to slow down. And once he does, he mimics the way Hux kisses him, the quick dart of his tongue, the drag of his teeth over his lips. They press themselves together and Hux feels heavy-headed, almost dizzy. He forces himself to move back. Ren is staring at him, eyes glassy. He looks confused. 

"Hux," he starts, but then the question dies off. 

He doesn't have to finish. Hux already knows what he's thinking. That it shouldn't be going like this. There should be a lot more anger, a lot more biting. But Hux is choosing to ignore that right now. He has to. Instead he kisses Ren's swollen lips again, grins against them. 

"Have you ever done this before?" he asks. "Been with someone like this?"

"I've practiced," Ren says through his teeth.

"With whom?"

And Ren says nothing, which Hux takes to understand as Ren fingering himself alone in his quarters and seeing just how much he can take. Hux shudders, body tightening, and pulls back.

"On the bed," he says.

Ren takes the four steps backward and sits, uses his hands to push himself back onto the mattress without once breaking eye contact. Hux watches the muscle and bone of his body as he moves, mesmerized. Then he follows him. He crawls over Ren with a gaze that is nothing short of predatory, watching as Ren sinks back into the mattress. Hux is still fully dressed, and he's aware of the power that gives him, and he's aware that Ren is enjoying this, which makes them both equally fucked, he's sure. He stares down at Ren's body until Ren squirms.

"Do something," Ren says, voice thick.

"You're not giving the orders here," Hux tells him, but he still grabs hold of Ren's jaw and squeezes gently. 

Ren's mouth drops open and Hux drags his gloved fingers over his lips, down his neck, his chest. Then he kisses him again. This time Ren kisses back with more confidence, presses his fingers to Hux's jaw. Hux had fantasized this going a lot differently. He'd imagined a quick, brutal fuck, just enough time for them to get it out of their system again and get back to business. But now that he's got Ren like this, Hux wants to take his time. He wants to learn this man he didn't know was hiding under the mask. 

When he pulls back, there's a high flush of color on Ren's cheeks. He looks like he wants to say something, but has no idea how.

"You'll have to use your words, you know," Hux says.

The goading feels natural, almost necessary. He can't pretend this shift in their relationship isn't happening, but he's got to retain some sense of normalcy at least. Ren bares his teeth under him, though it's profoundly unthreatening when he's naked and flushed. 

"Fuck me," he says. "Or are you waiting for me to beg?" 

Hux almost laughs, because that will come. It will. There is so much he wants from Ren all at once. But right now, he wants to know what Ren wants. And Ren wants him. Hux's grin is unabashedly smug. Ren _likes_ him. He likes him, and he wants anything Hux will give to him. Instead of answering Ren, Hux reaches into the side drawer for the lubricant and tosses it to Ren. All officers are supplied with protection, lighters, basic necessities. The lube is something Hux procured himself. 

"Then show me how you've practiced." 

Ren catches the tube easily, but for a moment he just stares, dumbfounded. 

"What?" he says. 

"You heard me." Hux leans down and nips Ren's bottom lip before pulling back and sliding down the bed so he's at Ren's calves. "Open yourself up for me." 

There's another pause. Hux sits back on his haunches and pulls his gloves off, and then starts unbuttoning his uniform. He's far too warm now, far too constricted. Ren watches until his chest is bared, and then he flips the cap open on the lubricant. It runs messy onto his long fingers, slick, and Ren hikes his knees up and presses two digits into his hole. Hux inhales immediately. He slides them in that easy, so he must have been practicing quite a bit, and Hux can't help imagining Ren thinking about him while doing it. He fumbles to undo his trousers without looking away. Ren slides his fingers out just enough and then goes for a third. 

"That's…" Hux swallows. "Good boy." 

He tosses his clothes off the side of the mattress and sits there naked, fully hard, and watches Ren finger himself. Hux is acutely aware that he's watching the most powerful man aboard this ship ruin himself for him, and it makes his balls tighten. Ren's hand fists the bed sheets as he moves his fingers in and out, lips flared. Hux leans forward and grabs the lube off the mattress and pours some onto his own fingers. Ren's eyes are shut tight, lost in sensation, but they snap open when he feels Hux's finger circling over the rim of his hole. 

"What do you think?" Hux asks. "Can you fit one more?" 

He nudges the tip in and Ren hisses and pushes down. He wants the pain. Hux understands that, truly. This, the strange tenderness he's doling out, it's almost incomprehensible to him. 

"Please," Ren says, though Hux isn't sure what he's asking for—something rougher, probably. Hux can't really find it in himself to give it to him. 

Hux encircles Ren's wrist gently and eases his fingers out, watches the flutter of his body. He looks so utterly confused by Hux's gentleness, like he doesn't understand anything about him anymore. Hux likes that. He moves up and kisses Ren again, resisting when Ren tries to turn the kiss into something bloody. Blindly, he reaches into the drawer for a condom. 

"Here," Hux says, and grabs one of the pillows. "Slide this under your hips." 

Ren stares at him. 

"Do try and be useful," Hux says, and taps his thigh. "Up." 

Ren lifts his hips and slides the pillow under there. The movement jostles Hux—he'd forgotten for a moment that Kylo Ren is all muscle, all strength. That's why Supreme Leader Snoke likes him after all—he's the prefect weapon. Hux rolls the condom on and then settles between Ren's spread legs, his thighs stretched around him. 

"That's a good boy," he says. 

Ren bristles. "Hux, just—" 

He cuts off into a gasp when Hux presses the head of his cock in. Ren scrambles for Hux's shoulders and grabs on, throws his head back. When he tries to push Hux deeper, Hux resists. 

"Patience," Hux says. 

Ren slams his head against the pillow like he's about to have a tantrum, nostrils flaring. He looks up at Hux for some reasoning, some explanation, and Hux really can't give him one. It unsettles Hux, because this is not what he expected. This is not the Ren he expected, not the one he thought he knew. At the moment, Hux isn't even sure he knows himself. Once Ren stops trying to fuck himself, once he relaxes, Hux slides all the way in. It forces a gasp out of Ren that makes Hux's hips twitch. He's very tight, which Hux expected. It makes his chest feel strange, knowing he's the first to have Ren like this. He rolls his hips, working up a steady pace, and Ren looks like he's about to bite through his lip. His cock twitches against his stomach, sensitive, and Hux hasn't even touched it yet. He wonders if the Force makes sexual encounters that much better. 

"Harder," Ren says, and his lip _is_ bleeding now. 

"You're always so eager to give orders, aren't you?" Hux gives a few punishing thrusts and Ren whines, but then he slows back down again. "But you've been waiting for this, haven't you? For me to put you in your place." 

Ren either hasn't heard him or is just beyond talking now. He's letting out these high-pitched little moans, his thighs trembling and wrapped tight around Hux's waist as if to pull him even deeper. Hux knew Ren was touch-starved, but this is something else. This is more than he ever let himself imagine. 

"Shh," he says. "Do you want the whole ship to know you're taking my cock right now?"

"You do," Ren says.

Hux smiles despite himself. It feels good, to have this control, to have Ren under him, to be taking something entirely for himself. He hadn't allowed himself to go to Ren. He hadn't allowed himself to let go. And now he's doing nothing but that, exhibiting something close to tenderness. Hux wraps a hand around Ren's cock and Ren jolts against the mattress, blunt fingernails pricking into Hux's skin. Hux starts to lose himself a bit, snaps his hips and feels the bed shift underneath their bodies. Ren's face is flush, and Hux is aware that his own hair has fallen entirely out of place. They're watching each other, and Hux feels like he should look away, but Ren's thighs are wrapped so tight around him and he can't seem to escape the pull of Ren's eyes either way. They move like that, panting, and then Ren's breath starts come in fast, short bursts, and Hux knows he's close.

"That's it," Hux says. "Come for me."

Ren licks the smear of blood off his lips and looks up at Hux, so open and unarmed that Hux has the strangest urge to stroke his cheek.

"This isn't—" Ren starts, as if he felt Hux's impulse, but Hux cuts him off with a kiss and refuses to acknowledge it further.      

He licks the copper taste of Ren's blood from his lips and moves his hand faster, presses his thumb over the head of his cock.

It doesn't take much longer after that. He watches Ren's stomach muscles tighten and expects it. Ren comes—hard—and squeezes around Hux's cock. But what Hux does not expect is how he can suddenly _feel_ Ren's orgasm. It pushes into his mind with no effort and sets his vision white, rushes his whole body and takes over. Hux crumbles onto his elbows and topples over the edge just like that, vaguely aware of the moan he bites out, but it sounds distant, as if he's underwater. Ren looks so utterly fucked out, Hux realizes he probably has no idea he just projected. He just lies there with his chest heaving, still holding Hux's shoulders while he twitches out the last of his orgasm.

" _Fuck,_ " Hux says.

He pushes himself back up onto his hands with some effort, limbs shaking.

"I'm pulling out."

He eases out and Ren sighs, thighs dropping onto the mattress. For a moment, Hux still feels like Ren is in his mind, but he shakes that away and pulls the condom off. Ren lies there like a starfish, his hair inky against the pillows, and Hux stands to toss the condom and grab a towel from his refresher. Ren turns on his side and curls into a ball and looks alarmingly young, and when Hux tosses him the towel and it lands on Ren's hip, he doesn't move to grab it. Hux rolls his eyes and grabs his cigarette case from the desk and walks back over to the bed. He places the filter between his lips and sits, digs into the drawer for his lighter as the sweat cools on his skin. Ren looks at him over his shoulder.

"I didn't know you smoked."

"One of your many faults, Ren, is that you assume you know everything."

Hux lights the cigarette and inhales deeply.

"You can't stay the night, by the way."

"I hadn't planned to," Ren says.

Hux smokes silently. He looks down and watches the curved spine of Ren's back, all that white skin. A strand of his hair is woefully out of place, and it bothers Hux for some reason.

"Good," he says, and reaches over to tuck the strand of hair behind Ren's ear.

\-- 

He lands a hit on Phasma twice the next morning within the first three minutes. The surprise shows in her eyes, then she smiles, impressed. They move around the mat, grinning at each other, breathing heavily. During the second round, Hux nearly sweeps Phasma while they're clinching. She gets out of it with a knee, and then a push kick to drive Hux back. The round ends and they break for water.

"You're in fine form today, General," she says. "Must have had a good night's sleep."

Hux grins. "In fact, I did."

Ren had left after Hux finished his cigarette. Hux sat with only a pair of pants on and watched Ren dress. Each layer he put on rendered him more unreadable, more closed off. Ren looked over at him once while dressing, but neither of them said a word. He left just as silently, and once he was gone Hux felt satiated and annoyed all at once. When he got into bed properly he could smell Ren all over the sheets. He thought about changing them, but then sleep came, and he thought of nothing.

He finishes sparring with Phasma and they break off into their own routines for the day. Hux's will involve a visit to the planet to check on construction. They've been importing material from other planets, some of it being melted down, other parts used in whole. If Snoke asks for an update, which he will soon, Hux wants to be able to give him every detail.

He travels down after a shower and makes his rounds around the trenches they've dug to get deeper beneath the crust of the planet. Technicians have been working nonstop to make up for the delays, though construction isn't quite where Hux wanted it to be. With the exception of last night, Hux has spent his nights barely sleeping, checking on design plans, looking for flaws. The lack of sleep has drawn dark circles under his eyes. If others have noticed, they don't comment. Everyone knows the pressure he's under.

The first section checks out just fine, but once Hux moves east, there's an appalling lack of material being used. The workers around him avert their gaze, aware of the issue. Hux manages to catch the eye of the head technician and signals him over, stance tight.

"Where are your materials?" he asks.

The tech pulls his helmet off and scratches guiltily at his cheek, eyes down. 

"There's been a slight delay in the pickup." 

"Why wasn't I told?" Hux can't stop the irritation from lacing into his voice. "Whom did you report this to?"

"We hadn't yet," the tech says. "We thought—"

"You thought nothing," Hux says. "Or you would have reported this immediately. Do you understand the type of schedule we're on?"

"Sir."

"When the pickup is made, I expect you to make up for lost time, is that understood?" 

"Yes, sir."

Hux walks away without dismissing him. They've been importing metals and other materials from Abafar for months. The planet is almost entirely useless otherwise—sparsely populated with criminals and gangsters. It's a lawless place, fearless of the First Order at present, mostly because none of the inhabitants fear death, but Hux is certain if it came down to it, they'd cooperate rather than face a slaughter. They've been reliable for the most part, though, and Hux needs it to stay that way.

He takes a shuttle back to the Finalizer for checks and walks in to see Ren on the bridge. He's looking over something on a datapad, hood up, impossibly tall. He notices Hux and glances over to acknowledge him, once again impossible to read, but when he shifts his stance, Hux remembers the ripple of his abdomen all too well, the delicate shift of his muscles, the way he wanted to touch his face. He has to take a second to force himself to get it together. Ren seems to pause here, and Hux blinks, guarded, absurdly afraid that Ren has read his mind. But he'd know, wouldn't he, if Ren had pushed his way in there? From what he's heard outside the interrogation room, it doesn't sound like a subtle maneuver.

"General Hux," Lieutenant Mitaka says from the controls, and Hux realizes they've been standing in silence a moment too long.

"Lieutenant," he says. "I was just checking in."

Ren brushes past Hux and leaves the bridge, and Hux has to stop himself from looking back to watch him go. He's suddenly ridiculously worried that Mitaka knows, that everyone knows, that it's that obvious. But Mitaka gives him an update without missing a beat. Hux inhales and exhales subtly, trying to keep his ridiculous paranoia at bay.

It becomes more difficult when he and Ren can't seem to be around each other without Hux feeling ludicrously exposed. Their tiffs on the bridge become nonexistent. They talk to each other stiffly, to the point where Hux is sure others have noticed. Every time he talks to Ren he remembers him naked, and after he and Ren share what information needs to be shared with each other, Ren always makes himself scarce. Hux lets it happen. He's too busy trying to bring this weapon to fruition to try and unravel Ren's bizarre mental process, or let himself spend nights waiting for the knock on his door. Does Ren regret it, what they did? Or does he just have it out of his system now? It's hard to tell, and Hux certainly isn't going to ask him about his _feelings._ So he throws himself back into his work. He stays up nights going over plans, keeps himself awake on caffeine and ration bars, sleeps a few hours at best. Every time he walks the planet he can see the progress being made—the slow, but inevitable progress—everything he planned for coming into being. He has no plans to let Ren get in the way of that.

Hux walks onto the bridge after a long day of helping fix a jammed gear near the west quadrant. He rolls up his sleeves when he has to. There's a meeting at 1600 and Hux approaches Phasma as she stands next to Ren, though Hux artfully ignores him.

"Any pressing news, Captain?" 

"Operations are normal, sir," Phasma says. "There was a slight power drain near the canteen, but engineers repaired it quickly." 

"Good, I have a meeting in the fourth level room." 

"Odd," says Ren. "I need that room for myself." 

His tone makes it seem as if he actually doesn't. Hux stares at him for a moment. It's the most ludicrous statement he's ever heard. Ren's never taken a meeting room before. As far as Hux knows, he doesn't even have meetings beyond the ones he's forced to go to. 

"I need that room for the meeting at 1600," he says.

"I've already claimed it," Ren says. 

"You can't just claim a room, Ren." 

"But I did." 

"Then find another." 

"Sirs," Phasma says, not even trying to hide the exasperation in her voice. "There's a free room on level six. Might I suggest the meeting take place there?" 

Hux wants to bite out that Ren should have to find another room, not him, but there's no way he can voice that without sounding petty, so he sets his lips into a tense line instead. Before he can speak, though, Ren does. 

"No," he says. "Let the General have the room for his meeting." 

Now Hux is absolutely certain he never needed it in the first place. He can't decide if he's incredibly amused or incredible annoyed. Actually, he's a little relieved. This is the first argument they've had in a week. And it's how it should be, Hux reminds himself. This is what they know. 

"How agreeable of you," Hux says tightly. 

Phasma just walks away from them both, the clunk of her armor like a metronome. Hux glances at Ren, and though he can't see his face, he can imagine the expression he's wearing perfectly. 

\-- 

The next time they're alone, it's because they're reporting to Snoke. They enter the passageway together, silent, the door to the chamber where Snoke awaits them still shut tight. There are still a few minutes to burn before they'll be called in. Hux stands at attention and keeps his gaze straight ahead, Ren stands next to him. This is the closet they've been in days. Hux can feel the heat radiating from Ren, and his mind flashes to Ren underneath him, saying _please,_ biting his lip to bleed. 

"You have to stop doing that every time I'm near you," Ren says. "It's distracting." 

Hux nearly jumps out of his fucking skin. His mouth drops open before he clicks it shut in anger.

"You have been in my head," he says. "Dammit, Ren. I didn't invite you in there. Stay the hell out."

"I wasn't in your head. Your feelings were just loud." 

Hux mouth drops open again. " _Loud?_ "

"Yes."

He takes a long, uncomfortable moment trying to understand that. What makes a feeling loud? Has Ren always been able to do that? Hux can't remember him ever having mentioned hearing that before. 

"I don't like you hearing my thoughts," he says.

"I'm not hearing your thoughts," Ren tells him. "I'm just attuned to your feelings."

"Well _un-tune_ ," Hux hisses, and then takes a moment to calm himself down.

He takes three deep inhales, slow exhales. He's still infuriated by the idea of Ren having a direct line to his feelings, but at least he can't hear every thought in his head.

"Is this some kind of…Force…sex thing?" he asks. "I fucked you and now you've got a connection to my feelings?"

Ren turns to meet his gaze, slowly, but says nothing.

"You didn't realize," Hux says, piecing together the parts of it now.

Of course he didn't, though. How would he have? Who would have told him? Hux pulls his gaze back to the closed door before them and tries to think how he can make his feelings less…loud. It makes him very uncomfortable, knowing that Ren can sense his thoughts and feelings at times. Though, from the sound it, Ren seems a bit uncomfortable with the idea of that himself. Hux thinks about telling him that he projected his orgasm to him, but then thinks better of it.

"I'm not in your head," Ren says again, as if affronted. "The Force allows me to pick up on the occasional thoughts and feelings of all beings. Yours are just…easier to, now."

"How fortunate for me," Hux says. "Is that why Jedi aren't supposed to fuck?"

"I'm not a Jedi," Ren says, the last word enunciated with a hatred Hux can feel.

"I know that, you fool. But you're a Force-user. So are you supposed—?"

"It's part of my training," Ren says tightly. 

"No attachments?" Hux asks. 

"They become a distraction."

Hux doesn't know anything about the Force, doesn't claim to, but it seems odd to him to forgo personal attachment when the Force is supposed to be something that connects a person to all living beings. He wonders, briefly and dangerously, about Snoke's training methods. But that's not his problem, Hux reminds himself. That's not what they're doing.

"And yet you want me," he says.

"You say that as if the feeling isn't mutual," Ren says, but Hux can't shut up now.

"How hard has it been, stopping yourself from coming to me?"

"Hux—" 

"How did you feel after?"

Ren pauses, and Hux doesn't break looking directly into the hollowed eyes of his helmet.

"After?" Ren asks.

"After I fucked you."

Ren stills, and Hux is horribly smug, and horribly aroused. There's just something about knowing how much Ren wants him that he can't get over. Powerful, distant Ren. And Hux wants him to want him. He wants Ren to burn for him.

"I've felt it, you know," Ren says, rather than answer. "The times you've wanted me. The nights you've spent sick with lust."

Hux glances behind them quickly, paranoia set anew that someone could somehow hear. It takes him a moment longer than he'd like to get his bearings back, to school himself not to show any emotion.

"And yet you didn't come," he says.

There's a longer pause. Ren actually shifts on his feet, his discomfort palpable. Hux swallows.

"I'm forbidden from—" Ren cuts himself off. "I'm not supposed to allow this."

 _Forbidden._ And he's disobeying. He's disobeying a direct order from his master, and he's doing it for Hux.

"Is that why you've been avoiding me again?" Hux asks. "This game is getting old, Ren."

"Maybe I don't trust myself around you."

Hux flushes hot under his collar. He sets his gaze back to the door, weighs the pros and cons quickly in his mind, and then decides that Ren is beyond reason anyway, so there's no point in trying. He likes knowing he's a distraction to Ren. He's got a pull on him, which he did not anticipate, but can't really be bothered by. He actually finds he rather likes it, knowing Ren can't stay away from him. The problem is that Ren's got a pull on him too, somehow. Hux hasn't figured out why yet. He swears under his breath.

"You don't need to," he says. "So stop trying."

Ren turns to him so fast Hux thinks he might have strained his neck, but he doesn't get the chance to answer. They're called in. The door curls open and they enter, Snoke's image seated before them. Hux lets his mind go blank of all thoughts but the weapon, the task at hand. He updates Snoke easily—yes, everything is on schedule, yes, the deliveries have been picked up, all is in order, and yes, he is still overseeing the scanners for any more erratic wildlife.

"Very good, General," Snoke says, and Hux smiles, satisfied. "You may go."

Hux glances quickly to Ren before turning.

"Supreme Leader," he hears Ren say. "I'm ready, please. My training—" 

"Patience, Kylo," Snoke says. "I know your mind is troubled."

Hux is out the door before he can hear anything else. He lingers outside the chamber a moment too long, waits to see if he can hear anything, anything at all, but the room is soundproofed. There's not even the whisper of muffled voices. He doesn't know why he suddenly wants to hear, but he does. And then he wonders if that feeling, too, is loud. Hux adjusts his gloves and finally walks away.

\-- 

He's alerted by his sensors a day later about a fire in one of the training rooms. The alert disappears shortly after, and Hux rolls his eyes and keeps organizing his files. It's been a slower day, so he's taken to doing the things he normally has no time for. His quarters are cool and Hux has a droid bring him tea, something black for a caffeine boost. He hasn't talked to Ren since they met with Snoke. If Ren wants to think, Hux will let him, not out of any sense of respect for him, but because Hux has his own shit to deal with. He's the General of the First Order. He's in charge of the greatest military operation of his life. His goals are almost tauntingly within reach, and yet Kylo Ren has been the focus of his mind for days. Kylo Ren, whose ego often goes unchecked. Kylo Ren, whose temper is so thin he's like a walking spark stick. Kylo Ren, who, under his helmet, is a bundle of indecision and need and a mouth too soft. Hux exhales and moves two files to the archives on his datapad.

Thirty minutes later, his door sensor tells him Ren is outside. Hux pauses with his finger over the screen, and then gives permission to enter. The door sighs open, then shut. Hux doesn't look up.

"Hux," Ren says. 

"There was a fire in one of the training rooms."

"I put it out."

"So that was you, then," Hux says. "And now you're here."

Saying it out loud gets Hux's pulse beating faster. He's known this was inevitable. He's been waiting for it. The only reason it hasn't happened again sooner is that Hux has a significantly greater amount of self-control. He'd never allow himself to go looking for Ren, not when he's aware of the way Ren is fraying at the edges for him. The times that he's ached for it, which he'll admit have been many, something has needed his attention, and Hux is very, very good at compartmentalizing. 

And now Ren is here again, and though his groin tightens at the knowledge of it, Hux doesn't look up. 

"I don't have time for you right now," he says, because it feels good to.

He hears the sound of Ren releasing the catches of his helmet and looks without thinking, mouth drying out at the sight at Ren's face again, beautiful and odd as he remembered it. 

"Hux," Ren says again, and slides into his lap.

Hux's hands come to rest on Ren's hips before he can stop them, his datapad forgotten on his desk. He can smell all of Ren this close, that spiciness.

"Are you always this needy?" he asks.

Ren's hand slips between them to cup at Hux's crotch, where his erection has already betrayed him.

"Are you talking about yourself, General?"

"I'm not the one who climbed into my lap like a dog," Hux says.

He twitches when Ren applies the slightest bit of pressure and then lets himself go. He dips his head down and finds Ren's lips, kisses him. Ren makes a satisfied sound into his mouth. Hux pulls away.

"Undress," he says. "Quickly."

Ren pushes off his lap and they both scramble at their clothes. Hux's fingers feel knotted and useless now as he pulls at the ties and buttons of his uniform. He strips off his shirt, his gloves, his boots, and watches hungrily as Ren slides his pants down over his thighs and steps out of them. Hux tugs his undershirt off and undoes his belt, eyes on the cut of Ren's muscles, the way his waist narrows slightly. Once his pants are off, Hux closes the remaining distance between them and pulls Ren down into a kiss.

It's much smoother, this time. They kiss open-mouthed, devouring, their hands moving over each other's bodies without real purpose. Hux manages to get his bearings enough to grab Ren's waist and squeeze, the skin there almost burning. Ren presses his lips to Hux's jaw, then moves down his neck until he hits the meaty juncture of his shoulder and bites, _hard._ Hux hisses through the pain, cock jumping. He tugs Ren's hair sharply.

"Were you desperate for this again, hm?" he asks. "How was it the first time? Did you feel me inside you for days after?"

"You love to hear yourself talk, don't you?" Ren asks, shuddering.

Hux hums a laugh. "I'll take that as a yes," he says. "On the bed. All fours."

Ren pulls away, all too eager to obey. When they're like this, he waits for Hux to take the lead. It gets Hux going, seeing that, since Ren is impossible to order around any other way. Ren drops to all fours on the mattress while Hux digs the lubricant out again, a condom. It's going to be different this time, he tells himself. Not like the first time, when they were both too soft. He sits at the edge of the bed, Ren's ass pushed up, and notices the shine there between the cheeks.

"Did you…?" Hux clears his throat. "Did you get yourself ready?"

"Yes," Ren says, his voice muffled in his arm.

Hux's cock twitches heavily between his legs.

"Ren," he says. "You little—" and then stops himself and presses a finger against his hole. It slides in easily, warm and wet, and Ren pushes back at the sensation, his body vibrating on a moan.

"You've been aching for this, haven't you?" Hux asks, slipping another finger in. "You tried to push it away but you can't. You need it."

Ren squeezes around him and Hux pushes as far in as he can, mesmerized by the sight, aware that he's shaking too, aware that he also feels a need he hasn't felt in too long, maybe ever.

"You're talking too much," Ren says. "Fuck me."

"I'll fuck you when I'm ready," Hux says, though he honestly can't wait much longer, not like this.

He rolls the condom on and pours out more lubricant, hands still shaking. Then Hux pushes up to his knees and grabs Ren's hips, pulls his body back toward him until his cock is pressing against his hole. He doesn't push in just yet. He waits and feels the way Ren's body is shaking, all that power barely contained. There's an odd, almost uncomfortable giddiness in his chest.

"Come on," Ren says, pushing back.

"I'm waiting for you to beg."

" _Hux._ "

"Ren."

Hux drags his fingers lightly across Ren's abdomen, his throat thick with want, the giddiness almost unbearable at this point. 

" _Please_ ," Ren says, as if he couldn't overpower him easily. "Hux, please fuck me."

"Yes," Hux says, like it's release, and starts to ease himself in. " _Yes._ Good boy."

The noise he makes when he bottoms out is somewhat embarrassing, though Ren doesn't seem to notice, is too busy ripping at the bed sheets with his hands. He feels the way Hux remembers, the way he thought about for days on end. Hux lets his eyes slip shut. Ren can't see him like this, the raw pleasure on his face, how his mouth is shocked open. He presses his fingers into the tight flesh of Ren's hips and fucks him, his ears picking up on every sound Ren lets slip from his mouth. Hux opens his eyes and sees the angles of his back shift and ripple with each thrust that moves him forward. He watches, mesmerized, groaning when Ren squeezes around his cock, pushes back against his thrusts. Through the haze of it all, Hux wonders if Ren's eyes are closed. He wonders if he's biting his lip open again.

"Fuck," Ren says, and his voice sounds sanded, thick.

Hux gives a few more quick thrusts and then throws his inhibition for everything out. It's too much. He slows the pace and starts to slide out, feels Ren's muscles contracting to keep him there. His hips twitch. Once he's out, Ren makes a sound that's more a growl and pushes toward him, tries to get him to slide back in.

"Hold on," Hux says. "Fuck, hold on."

He pulls Ren up so his back is pressed against his chest. Ren tenses initially, but once Hux starts to guide himself back in he relaxes, his hands dropping down to hold onto Hux's outer thighs. Hux holds him there with one hand on his chest, another on his abdomen, the muscles jumping under his touch. He pushes his hips up.

Ren's mouth drops open on a low moan, head falling back against Hux's shoulder, the stretch of his neck more erotic than anything Hux has ever known. Hux cranes to kiss the pulsing veins there, Ren's fingers digging into his thighs hard enough to bruise now. He watches the contrast of his skin against Ren's, the twitch of Ren's cock against his stomach.

"That's good," Hux says. "You're good like this."

When he looks at him next Ren's eyes are open, nearly all pupil, and their gazes lock. The giddiness in Hux's chest comes back tenfold, freezes there like a vice.

 _Dammit_ , he thinks, sure Ren can hear him but not able to stop it. _Dammit_ , _dammit_ , _dammit_.

\-- 

Ren takes the towel Hux offers him this time. He wipes himself off, sitting up in the bed, licks of his hair still pasted to his face. Hux sits next to him and lights up a cigarette. He hasn't had one since the last time they did this. Ren is bringing out all his bad habits, it seems. They're silent for a long time. It isn't necessarily uncomfortable, but it's thick, unspoken. Hux thinks about telling him to leave, only the words never leave his mouth. Halfway through his cigarette he watches Ren push his hair back, his face long and relaxed. His lips are still swollen. Ren turns to him, his gaze falling to Hux's shoulders. Hux takes another drag, blows smoke from the corner of his mouth.

"Why are you staring?" he asks.

Ren's fingers reach out and brush against his shoulder.

"You have freckles here."

"I know, they're my freckles."

Hux looks at where Ren's fingers have settled.

"That's not why I was pointing them out," Ren says. "They remind me of stars." 

"Don't be ridiculous."

Hux watches as Ren's hands continue to drift over his shoulder, connecting freckles with some imaginary line, as if Hux's body is a galaxy. The movement is very intimate, _too_ intimate. The moment Hux realizes that he tenses. Ren notices. Maybe he realizes the intimacy of it as well, because he pulls his fingers away and then shifts on the mattress. They both look ahead, and Hux thinks how he has no idea what he's supposed to do with this, with them.

Instead of thinking about it, he looks mournfully at his datapad on the desk and tries to decide how badly he wants to get up and get it. Before he can make a decision, the datapad floats off the desk and over to his lap.

"Yes, very clever," Hux says, and then frowns. "I told you to stay out of my head."

"I wasn't in it," Ren says. "I could see you looking at your datapad."

Hux opens the files back up from earlier, cigarette dangerously close to burning his fingers now. He glances at Ren again, can't help it. He doesn't often get to see his face. Ren is sitting on top of the bed sheet, one long leg stretched out, naked as the day he no doubt came screaming into the universe. There's a fresh, pinkish scar on his right shoulder, and Hux thinks of the observation deck, the night Ren had been so strange. He wants to ask about it, only stops himself. Hux isn't used to pillow talk, doesn't particularly like it, but he also isn't ready to rid himself of Ren just yet.

"But if you wanted to get in my head, you could," he says.

"You wouldn't want that."

Hux almost smiles.

"You're right. I wouldn't. What happens, when you force your way in there?" Hux makes a vague motion at his head, fingers wiggling. "I can't imagine it's very pleasant."

"It isn't," Ren says. "A mind probe is very…taxing, mentally. The presence of another in your mind lingers. Some people can't handle it."

"Well," Hux says, both impressed and a bit frightened. "That certainly explains the screaming during your interrogations." He stamps his cigarette out and exhales a last trail of smoke. "What are you orders from the Supreme Leader?"

"I requested more training time," Ren says. "It's been granted."

Hux wants to ask more. He wants to know about the desperation in Ren's voice, the trouble Snoke spoke of. But he doesn't breech that line.

"When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow."

"I see."

"Try not to miss me," Ren says.

His voice is so knowing and teasing that Hux refuses to even respond. Instead he gives Ren a bored glance and flips through the files he'd been working on previously. Ren stays silent next to him. Hux glances at him occasionally to find him staring ahead at nothing. He wonders if Ren is meditating. Hux pads out of bed to use the refresher, and when he comes back Ren is lying flat, one hand resting over his stomach. His eyes are heavy lidded, toes flexing absently. Hux finds it oddly fascinating, a person like Kylo Ren having restless movements. Both their comms chime to alert them of the ship's night cycle. Hux slips back into bed and sets his datapad on the side table. He has more work to do, but exhaustion has crept into his bones. He strips down to his undershirt. Ren doesn't leave. And when Hux lowers the lights, he doesn't ask him to. And when Ren pulls the covers up over himself, Hux says nothing. They turn from each other, back to back, and Hux listens to Ren's breathing until he falls into sleep.

He stirs awake sometime later because the bed is shaking. He opens his eyes, groggy, and then remembers Ren is there. Ren's actually the one shaking the bed. Hux moves to jostle him, and then freezes. Ren's crying, Hux realizes. He's crying, and Hux is immediately embarrassed for him. Ren is curled in on himself, those long limbs twisted. Hux sits upright. He reaches out, hesitant, and then pulls his hand back.

"Ren, stop that," he says. "Stop."

But Ren doesn't. And he doesn't answer, either. When Hux leans over he understands why. Ren isn't even awake. He's asleep, and clearly having a nightmare. His body is twitching and shaking, not just from the crying, but it's like he's running from something in his dream. Hux can see the agony in his face—brows pressed down, lips trembling. He's whispering something, and when Hux leans closer it sounds like _mother_. The anger he feels at being put in this situation doesn't last as long as it should. Hux doesn't know whether to wake him or not. Ren certainly wouldn't want him to see him like this, and Hux doesn't want him to know he has—he isn't going to have that conversation. But he also won't get any damn sleep this way, and he doesn't…he doesn't necessarily want to see Ren like this. Hux swears under his breath and then shakes Ren's shoulder.

The moment their skin makes contact Hux is in another world. Something horrible grips him, digs under his skin and aches. There's sand and red-rocked mountains and a man with shaggy hair watching him, frowning. Someone's voice reaches out, and it's coming from Hux but it's not him. He asks, "Can I come home?" and the man frowns, says, "Sorry, kid." Then he's running, and someone is whispering and Hux feels like he's going crazy. He wants to know where he's running to, but then the ground shakes and Hux thinks he can see someone else, someone young, features still too big for his face but then the boy falls to the ground, too still now. And then Hux is back in his quarters. The dream is gone. Ren wakes up immediately after and shoots upright. He breathes heavily next to Hux, sweat-drenched, and turns to Hux with wide, wet eyes.

"What is it?" he asks, like he genuinely has no idea.

His eyes are shiny in the darkness, like crystal in sunlight. Hux clears his throat.

"Nothing," he says. "Your snoring was impossible to sleep through." 

Ren snorts and then lies back down. Hux exhales, relieved. He's back asleep in moments, so Hux allows himself to turn around, the two of them sleeping back to back again, though at some point during the night, Hux wakes to find Ren pressed against him, his hands curled against Hux's back, face tucked against the nape of his neck. The next time Hux wakes, the morning cycle has started, and Ren is gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The moral of this fic is don't catch feelings for Kylo Ren.
> 
> Thanks for all the sweet comments last chapter, y'all. And a special thanks to [Kara](https://twitter.com/ihatekylo) and [Iris](https://twitter.com/kyluxing) for catching all my typos ♥


	3. Chapter 3

The sun is actually shining on Starkiller, but Hux doesn't get to see it for long. He's taken down, down until the only way to see is by artificial light, down into the planet's cold crust. Things are actually moving even faster than Hux expected, which is optimal. There are over three thousand workers on construction, and that's not counting droids. He walks the caverns, checks on each sector, which requires him to use a speeder to traverse the landscape, but Hux isn't one to rely on the word of others alone. He likes to see things for himself. They'll need to make another pick up from Abafar soon, which Hux is mildly dreading. There are other, more lucrative planets he'd like to do business with. But the First Order is in exile, banished, scurrying secretively on the edges of the galaxy. They have to make due.

Hux takes a shuttle back up the Finalizer to give his initial report on the bridge. A clearance request pops up for Hangar 7, from Ren himself. Hux pauses and gives the clearance, signs off on another report. When he turns, Phasma is waiting for him. They haven't trained together in a while, but Hux knows that's not why she's here.

"General, I've requested more stormtroopers twice within the last turn. I've yet to receive word."

"The program doesn't exactly pull them out of the ground, Captain." Hux steps back up onto the bridge to level out their height a bit. "And we're not at war—not yet. Your numbers should be sufficient for the battles we anticipate."

"Sir," Phasma says. "With all due respect, you know how I feel about theoretical warfare."

"Yes, I'm well aware. But our priority is the weapon—"

A messages buzzes on Hux's comm. He pauses, looks down. It's from Ren.

 _Hangar 7,_ it says.

Hux frowns and looks back up, tucks his comm away.

"The weapon," he says, and then his comm buzzes again, and it's Ren, again.

 _Come,_ it says.

"Sir," Phasma says. "If you have a pressing need to attend to…"

Hux swears under his breath.

"Excuse me, Captain," he says, and then leaves the bridge.

As Hux rounds the corner into Hagar 7, Ren steps out like a shadow, helmet in place, hood pulled up. And predictably, he says nothing right away. Hux watches him for a moment, more curious than annoyed.

"I'm amazed you even knew how to use that comm," he says finally, just to break the silence.

Ren continues to stand awkwardly in front of him. If Hux didn't know him better he'd consider the stance imposing.

"I'm leaving," he says.

Hux blinks.

"…I know," he says. "I cleared your shuttle for departure."

Ren still doesn't move. Hux scans the hangar quickly. They're alone, so if Ren has something to say, he can just say it, but instead he stands there, infuriatingly unreadable.

"Ren," Hux says. "What?"

"Nothing."

Ren starts to turn away, and then pivots back.

"You haven't been sleeping," he says.

Hux tilts his head slightly, eyes narrowed.

"And that concerns you how?"

"It doesn't. But you should sleep."

"I think I'll take wellness advice from someone who doesn't have destructive fits of rage." Hux wants to look away but refuses to break first. "How do you know whether I'm sleeping or not?"

"The circles under your eyes are darker," Ren says. "They're practically black holes."

Hux wishes he had anything in his hands right now. He feels Ren's eyes on him and hates that he can pick up on his vulnerabilities that easily.

"Just because we're sleeping together doesn't mean I want your concern," he says, voice dropped to a whisper.

"It was an observation," Ren says.

"Go observe elsewhere."

Instead of a snippy comeback, Ren says, "As you wish, General," and turns away.

Hux watches him until he steps on the shuttle and doors lift. He watches until the shuttle departs from the hangar, until it flashes and jumps to lightspeed.

"Dammit," Hux says, and then walks to the nearest refresher.

He looks at his reflection in the mirror. Ren is right. His eyes are darker than normal, almost sunken, skin paler. He looks exhausted, and Hux never really took the time to notice it. Knowing that Ren did makes something press against his chest from the inside. Hux removes his gloves and splashes some water on his face, makes a mental note to get a caf. His comm buzzes. It's Mitaka.

"Sir," he says. "The Supreme Leader has requested an audience."

Hux frowns and pulls his gloves back on.

"Now?"

"Yes, General. You are to report immediately."

"Understood," Hux says. "Thank you for the update."

He takes a moment to collect himself, smooths a hand over his hair and exits the refresher. Anxiety has settled tightly into his chest by now, a steady doubt as to what's about to happen. Snoke never calls a meeting with Hux unscheduled. Ren will often call on Snoke, but Hux waits for their scheduled meetings unless something drastic is occurring. And he knows very well that what's happened between him and Ren is nothing less than that. If Snoke somehow knows that, then Hux knows he's walking into his death.

By the time Hux approaches the chamber, he's calm. Whatever's going to happen, he can't change that now. He enters quietly, resigned but confident. Snoke is already there, his appearance smaller in the chamber on the Finalizer, less intimidating. Hux stops in front of him and waits.

"I was told you needed to see me, Supreme Leader."

"Yes, General," he says. "Yes."

Snoke's pause after feels like an eternity. He regards Hux like he's reading something in him, and Hux lets nothing show. He stands at attention and waits.

"You've been quiet lately regarding Kylo Ren," he says. "Am I to assume all is well?"

Hux exhales slowly. He knew this would come again. If Snoke had asked this of him months ago, Hux would have gladly made note of Ren's destructive rages, his intimidation, his recklessness. Now all Hux can think of last night, of his nightmare, the way he whispered _mother_ as if afraid. He doesn't remember how it changed like this. He can't even fathom when.

"I've not noticed anything of concern in regards to Ren, Supreme Leader," Hux says. "Though, to be fair, I'm not entirely sure what I should have been looking for."

Hux does not mention the nightmare. He can't, not without revealing why, and what's more, he doesn't want to. It disturbs him, how easy it is to say nothing, to lie.

"You would know," Snoke says. "I trust that. And we both know trust is not easily won."

"No," Hux says, and suppresses a shiver. 

Snoke dismisses him shortly after. Hux waits until he's safely in his quarters to dissect every inch of the conversation, run it over and over in his mind until it starts to not make sense anymore. He doesn't know what he's missing. The way Snoke spoke before, it was almost like he was afraid Ren would betray them, but Hux knows it's not like that. There must be something more, something deeper. Snoke had mentioned the Light and the Dark in their first meeting—Hux knows he meant the Force. Surely Ren isn't attempting to harness both sides? Admittedly, Hux has never bothered to ask him about it before, but he knows enough to know the two paths are usually kept separate. And he knows that Snoke wants to protect his _investment._ He frowns at the way the word rolls in his mind, like ownership. But Snoke is Ren's master. And Ren is a weapon, something to be wielded. This isn't even a thought he should be having.

Hux has a droid bring him a caf and then starts tinkering with one of the 3D models on his desk, tries to think of anything else but the meeting, the way he _lied_. He fails spectacularly. The conversation runs over and over again in his mind like a mockery. He needs to show Snoke he's doing something, or he'll probe the matter further, and there's no way his relationship with Ren won't be found out. Hux slams the 3D model down on his desk and stands. He'll be needed back on the bridge soon anyway. On the way over, he recites the star systems in his head alphabetically—it always pulls him into a calmer state. Even after he gets all the way to the end, Ren's name is still hanging there in his mind like something to catch out of the corner of his eye.

\--

Hux sleeps what he estimates to be a grand total of twenty hours over the next week. They learn of a flaw in the construction of Starkiller—a weakness. The thermal oscillator, if compromised, will bring about a total collapse of the planet. Hux spends near sleepless nights going over possible fixes, both by himself and with the engineers. Closing off the oscillator is not a viable option, but a shield, a shield is something they can work with, especially if it stops ships from entering the atmosphere. So they spend days drafting plans, reworking manpower, adjusting numbers. Hux spends long days on Starkiller thinking his eyes might burn out of their sockets. But the shield has to take temporary priority. If the base were to be located and compromised, all his work will have been wasted. All of it. Hux tells this to the workers before he leaves the planet, aware of the viciousness of his voice, the darkness of his eyes.

He situates himself back on the Finalizer just as a transmission comes in. It's from Ren. The hair on Hux's arms rises when the petty officer says his name. Hux hasn't heard it spoken in over a week. He shifts and steps over to the computers. Ren's image pops up, and Hux can't tell where he is. He has no idea where Ren goes when he trains.

"I'm moving location with the Knights of Ren," he says. "We may have found the map."

Hux nods. "Where?"

"Lothal."

"Understood. Update me as needed."

"Yes," Ren says, and then pauses.

Hux gets a sinking feeling he's thinking about saying something stupid, maybe even revealing, so he cuts the transmission, Ren's masked face disappearing like it was never there. Hux forces himself to look away from the blank screen.

By the time he makes it back to his quarters, they're well into the ship's night cycle. Hux shrugs off his great coat and slips his belt off, undoes the top of his uniform jacket. He pulls a cigarette from his case and lights it, listens to the slow crackle of tobacco burning. He's exhausted, and quite frankly, bored. It's always been a bit boring whenever Ren is away from the ship. Efficient, but boring. And Hux feels it now more than ever. He takes a seat on his bed and smokes quietly, eyes heavy.

Briefly, oddly, it feels like something brushes against his neck. Like a hand. Hux reaches for the spot and feels nothing but his own warm skin. He frowns and takes another drag just as his comm buzzes.

 _Go to sleep,_ the messages reads. It's from Ren. Hux pulls the cigarette from his mouth and stamps it out quickly. He stands back up with his comm in both hands, staring.

"Ren," he says, thinking somehow he'll hear him, and maybe he does.

Hux doesn't answer the message. He strips down and gets ready for bed. He's sure Ren already knows.

\--

Ren is on a stone pillar. Hux knows right away this is a dream. He knows because he can feel it, because Ren's face is bleeding, because Hux is afraid and he's never afraid.

"Come here," Hux says, looking up. "Come here, you fool. It's a dream."

Ren watches him. He's so far away, but Hux can still see the whites of his eyes. Something is burning around them, but Hux doesn't look anywhere else.

"Come here," he says again.

"I'm trying," says Ren.

He doesn't move. Hux reaches up with both arms and they stretch until he can reach him, until he's just about to grab hold, and then Ren vanishes. His body glitches and is gone.

"Ren," Hux says. "Ren!"

He wakes up to alarm blaring. It's one of the emergency alerts. Hux jolts out of bed, heartbeat still racing from the dream. He ignores it. He checks the nature of the alert and swears loudly into the empty room.

He's on the bridge five minutes later, dressed but not quite prepared. He knows his hair is woefully out of place. Mitaka is already there, sweating. He gulps when he sees Hux.

"Sir—"

"Update," Hux says. " _Now._ "

"The sensors on Commander Ren's command shuttle were tripped," Mitaka says. "The ship's taken fire on Lothal."

"Have you tried to make contact?"

Hux doesn't wait for his reply. He steps into Mitaka's space and presses the screen.

"Ren," he says. "Are you there? What the hells is going on?"

"I already tried, sir," Mitaka says. "They're not responsive."

"Then we're moving to get them." Hux feels a wave of anxiety crash over him. He ignores it. "Get the command shuttle ready. I want two squads of troopers ready to move out, air support as well. Is that understood? Have those coordinates ready."

Mitaka's mouth stutters open as Hux walks away.

"Sir," he says. "Shouldn't you stay here?"

Hux doesn't turn around. There's no time.

"I'm overseeing this myself. The Knights of Ren are too important for the First Order to lose."

They're out in minutes. It's a blur, almost like he's still dreaming. Hux checks his blaster as they're taking off from the hangar. He hasn't fired it since he and Ren took out the beast on the planet. He shuts his eyes and tries to feel for something from Ren, anything, but it's silent. All Hux can feel is the short and sharp tug in his chest as they move to lightspeed.

And then they're landing. Hux stands with his blaster in hand, two troopers on either side of him. Their job is to rush out first. Bait. Hux unclicks the safety on his blaster. The command shuttle doors open.

The smell of rain seeps into the shuttle quickly, thick and wet. A storm has just passed, and the sun is out now, but steam rises from the ground, steady and ominous. Other than that, nothing else moves. Hux steps out behind the troopers, blaster pointed as he takes in the surroundings. There are bodies. Everywhere. They look like forgotten children's toys, unreal in their stillness, in the way their limbs turn and twist like rag dolls'. In the distance beyond the steam, Hux can see the dark figures ahead, the chaos of movement.

"There," Hux says, pointing with his blaster.

The troopers move. The other squads are already ahead of them. There's a rush of white and black as they move forward. As they get closer, Hux can make out the searing red of Ren's lightsaber. A body falls next to him. Relief replaces the anxiety in Hux's veins, but his adrenaline is still pumping. The troopers fan out, looking for other hostiles. They're at an outpost, Hux realizes, though there's not much left of it now.

Ren is looking down but as Hux steps closer his head snaps upright. The other Knights are moving in now as well, flanking around their leader. Ren keeps his head in Hux's direction, silent, lightsaber humming. His clothes are soaked, both with rain and blood. The air is so thick Hux can smell it. He's still got his finger over his blaster trigger, adrenaline on high.

"Your ship sent a damage signal," Hux says.

Ren deactivates his lightsaber. It's odd, Hux thinks, that something so small looking could become such a murderous weapon.

"Ren," he says. "We tried to make contact and you never answered."

"There was an attack."

Ren's voice sounds off, even under the mask. It's like he's speaking through clenched teeth, barely holding it together. Hux feels uncomfortable out in the open like this, Ren's masked Knights all staring at him.

"You diverged from protocol," Hux tells him. "What about the map?"

"The map," Ren says, drawing out the p, "was never here."

 _Ah,_ Hux thinks. That explains it. He holsters his blaster and steps forward. The ground squishes wet under his boots.

"Can your ship make the jump to lightspeed?"

"Yes," Ren says.

"Good," Hux says. "If the map isn't here then we've no reason to linger on this planet drawing attention to ourselves."

He sweeps over the Knights once more. They creep him out, much as he's loath to admit it.

"Your Knights…" he says.

"They know their way."

Ren holsters his lightsaber to his belt and turns to them with a nod. Every single one of the Knights bows at him. They bow as if he's a god. Then Ren starts walking away, brushing Hux's shoulder. Hux watches the Knights disperse before he turns and follows.

\--

They don't speak on the shuttle. Ren sits, his body slumped like a comma, his clothes still heavy and soaked. Hux watches him briefly to try and determine if he's injured or not, but he can't tell. Because the shields of Ren's shuttle are at less than one hundred percent, he's been moved onto Hux's. The journey seems to take far too long, especially with Ren's thick silence. As soon as they land in the hangar, Ren stomps out of the shuttle. Hux follows after him, just to see the direction he takes, and then diverts to get a damage report on Ren's command shuttle. It's not catastrophic, they made the jump to lightspeed, after all, but repairs will ground it for at least a week.

Hux exits the hangar and follows a trail of rain and blood to find Ren. He's in one of the smaller tech rooms, and when Hux walks in his back is to him, body breathing unsteadily. Hux codes the door shut.

"Your shuttle will be repaired in a week's time," he says. "Now tell me what happened."

"…The intel was false," Ren says. "Nothing but Republic sympathizers. And a waste of my _time._ "

"And so you found it necessary to murder everyone at the outpost?"

"They were not compliant."

"Dammit, Ren, what does it look like if you just go around slaughtering everyone? You're a commanding officer, you need to show restraint—"

Ren pulls his lightsaber out and it activates, shaking before the crossguards stabilize it. Then he starts slashing. The noise is a sick hum, a screen in front of him burnt to nothing, and others following. Hux winces at the sparks at first.

"Stop," he says, and then yells it. "Ren, stop!"

Another slash, and Ren does. He rolls his shoulders, clenching the hilt of his lightsaber so hard his arm shakes. He's not finished yet. As he lifts his saber again, Hux lurches forward.

"Enough, Kylo." Hux grabs his wrist and holds it, the name so foreign on his tongue. "That's enough."

He can feel Ren shaking in his grip, all that anger. A beat passes between them before the lightsaber deactivates. Ren's fist uncurls and his hand goes limp, weapon falling to the floor with a _clang_. Hux didn't expect that, for Ren to stop because he _told him to._ Something surges up Hux's spine. He lets go. When he does, Ren turns to face him. Hux hates looking into that mask. But they're close enough now that he can reach out and touch him. Hux swallows and presses his hands underneath the helmet, feels for the catches to release it. He pauses once he finds them, gives Ren a chance to pull away. But he doesn't move. Hux presses the release and pulls the helmet off. Ren is wild-eyed underneath it, tense, but the downturn of his lips tells a different story: disappointment.

"I've told you before to stop destroying our ship," Hux says, softly.

"…I know."

Hux can smell the rain and blood soaking his clothes. He thinks of the bodies like children's toys.

"You should clean yourself up," he says.

Ren stares at him, wary.

"You're covered in blood," Hux says. "You need to shower. Go. I'll find you after I check in."

Ren takes his helmet from Hux's hands and slips it back on, walks past him without another word. After Hux checks in and does his initial damage control, he makes it back to his quarters just in time to hear the faucet turning on in his private refresher. He opens the door as Ren is finishing undressing.

"I didn't mean shower in here," he says.

Ren shrugs, "You didn't specify."

His clothes are bloody mess on Hux's floor, but Hux says nothing about it. He stares at Ren's body, clean of blood but sweat-drenched, and _bruised._ They're older bruises, Hux can tell from the color. Training bruises. He watches Ren step under the hot spray of the shower, his hair colored darker under the water. Then Hux starts to undress. Ren observes, silent, until Hux is naked and stepping into the shower beside him. He says nothing, just makes room for him to join. Those eyes are still wide, almost electric. Other officers have described Ren as volatile, and they're not wrong. Hux lets him stand under the spray a moment longer undisturbed before grabbing for the soap. He lathers his hands quickly and then works them over Ren's broad shoulders. Ren exhales like he's deflating, shoulders going lax under Hux's touch. He turns his head to look at Hux, water cascading over his nose.

"You don't need to talk," Hux says, voice still soft.

Ren looks away again. Hux runs his hands over his back, his arms. He runs his fingers over the grooves and angles of muscle and skin, pressing lightly on the bruising. Ren sighs at his touch, head drooping.

"Turn around," Hux tells him, and Ren does.

Hux washes him like that. He covers his skin in soap and rinses it away.

"I'm tired of failing," Ren says, barely audible over the water.

Hux reaches up and combs Ren's wet hair back from his face, wipes a loan smudge of dirt or dust from above his brow. He thinks about all the people who have never seen Ren like this. How he's the only one. _How dare you,_ he thinks. _How dare you show me this? I never asked for this. What am I supposed to do with it?_

If Ren hears him, he doesn't answer, just stands there with his eyes closed, the water sharpening his wet lashes to points. Out of all the places on this ship he could be, he's here. He's here, and Hux doesn't even want him to leave. Pieces of things are starting to come together for him now, things he didn't really want to know but can't look away from. Those times Ren's acted to strangely, distracted and distant, Snoke's cryptic little speech about the Light and Dark. He's far more unstable than Hux originally thought, fraying at the edges faster than he realized. And he's here. Hux exhales slowly, heavily.

"You're too reckless, Kylo," he says, and Ren opens his eyes, lip twitching, and Hux doesn't know why that name sound so heavy on his tongue.

He lets his hand slip down over Ren's face, down under his jaw and to his neck before he pulls it away.

"But your task isn't easy, you know. You're chasing a phantom."

"The Supreme Leader wants results."

"Which he will get," Hux says. "Once you learn to accept failure."

The mention of Snoke sends him back to their meeting earlier. Hux has to try hard to keep it from the front of his mind. He can't let Ren feel it, doesn't want him to. What he wants to know is why he was able to stop his outburst. He wants to know why Snoke never taught him that kind of control, if he even wants to. They're dangerous thoughts, so Hux pushes them away. Instead he checks that the soap is rinsed from Ren's body, and then he shuts the water off.

Hux steps out of the shower and reaches for the towels. Ren follows him and takes the one he offers. When their fingers brush, it feels like electricity. Hux shivers and tells himself it's the cold.

Ren towels off and then sits at the edge of Hux's bed, hair still dripping. Little clear droplets slide down his chest. He looks pathetic. Hux finishes drying off and dresses himself, doesn't bother to ask Ren if even has a change of clothes. He slips on an undershirt and climbs onto the bed, walking on his knees until he's pressed against Ren's back. His skin is still warm from the shower. Hux grips his shoulder, massages the muscle there before dragging his hand down over Ren's chest. He presses into the bruises as he finds them, this time harder than before, and Ren grunts, leans back into him. Hux stretches his hand down farther.

"Spread your legs," he says.

Ren does, automatic, and Hux wraps a hand over his cock, strokes it. Ren's body comes to life quickly, almost instantly. Hux strokes him slowly at first, then picks up the pace until it's practically a punishment. Ren's breathing is ragged, chest convulsing. He reaches back blindly and ends up with a fistful of Hux's cropped hair. Hux runs his thumb over the slit of Ren's cock and watches his thigh muscles twitch. When Ren starts to moan, Hux knows he's close. He's learned these sounds by now.

"You will find that map," he says, less an order and more of a promise.

Ren pulls at his lip with his teeth and then his mouth drops open.

"Fuck," he says. "Fuck, _Hux_ —"

He comes into Hux's hand, hips pushing up. Hux turns and takes Ren's earlobe between his teeth and feels the vibration of his orgasm all over. The lights flicker, briefly, and Hux remembers that Ren is all power, and shivers. He lets go of Ren's softening cock and wipes his hand on the towel forgotten at Ren's waist. Ren's hand brushes over his cheek as he turns around.

"Don't," Hux says, before he can reach for him. "I don't need it."

Ren glances down at his obvious erection, and then back up.

"If that's what you want," he says.

"It is."

Hux tosses the towels into the refresher and watches Ren situate himself on his bed. He curls into a ball like last time, and the dulled yellow and green bruises stick out on his body like nebulas. He doesn't look at Hux, instead shuts his eyes and exhales. Hux stares at Ren's hair dampening his pillow.

"You're staying here, then, I take it?" he asks.

"You don't want me to go," Ren says.

He pulls the covers up over his body until they settle just under his chin. Hux considers kicking him out, but that's a battle he already knows he'll lose, and Ren is right. He doesn't want him to go. He joins Ren in bed, settles under what little covers are left before turning onto his side. He calls for lights. And in the dark, he listens to the unsteady rhythm of Ren's breathing and slowly, almost painfully so, pushes closer until he's slotted against Ren's back, nose pressed to his hair. Hux throws an arm over Ren's side and shuts his eyes, their bodies moving as one.

\--

Hux wakes up well before the day cycle begins. He blinks into the darkness, waits for his eyes to adjust. Ren is still curled up next to him, though they separated at some point while sleeping. It makes what Hux is about to do much easier. He shifts to the edge of the bed and sits up, glances back to Ren's sleeping form. He hasn't moved. Hux stands from the bed in one swift movement and walks toward his refresher. He stops quickly at his desk and slides the top-drawer open, grabs for the position sensor he's hidden in the back corner. He procured it shortly after his last meeting with Snoke, and has been holding onto it ever since, trying to forget about it. He can't anymore. Hux shuts the drawer and then steps into the refresher and allows himself to breathe.

He calls for lights at only five percent, door shut behind him. Ren's clothes are still balled in the corner, that thick belt resting overtop. Hux kneels over it and picks the belt up, heavier than he thought it would be, and freezes. He knows he has to do this. He has _orders._ Ren is a damned liability, an exposed nerve ready to burst, and Hux knows he'll lose more than his ranking if Ren is lost to them. And yet something still nags at him. For the first time, he feels doubt. It's a horribly, terrifyingly human thing. Hux isn't sure he's ever really felt it before, not like this. For a moment, his hand trembles, and Hux squeezes his eyes shut. He pushes the feeling away as forcefully as he can, buries it in the back of his mind. When he opens his eyes again, the position sensor has left a small, red imprint on his palm. He's forgotten to breathe again. Hux exhales, and pushes the sensor into the belt.

\--

His father was known through the Empire for three things: ingenuity, cunning, and cruelty. The cruelty perhaps most of all. Hux loves him the way you love someone who helped bring you into the galaxy. He admires him for teaching him to see through the corruption of the galaxy, for giving him the strength to take what he wants in whatever way he can. Brendol Hux didn't raise a son who doubts.

So Hux doesn't doubt.

He and Ren spend weeks pretending the shower never happened. Most nights, Ren will come to him, and they'll spend hours ruining each other until they're too exhausted to do anything but sleep. And after they'll curl against each other, leaving the implications of it unsaid like so many other things between them. Ren is never there when the day cycle starts. Any trace of him is gone, phantom, though sometimes Hux will wake to a steaming cup of caf on his side table, small but huge in its implication. And nights Ren isn't with him, Hux pretends he doesn't mind at all, pretends he can't feel the long stretch of Ren's mind like fingers against his nerves.

He's going to be the death of him, Hux decides, whether indirectly or not. Ren remains vicious and cold and commanding in the eyes of the Order, but once he's in Hux's quarters he reverts to a near innocence that alarms Hux almost as much as it intrigues him. He still seems shocked by Hux's body, holds his hips and rubs his thumbs in circles over the skin as if reading something there, eyes moving to take in the dusting of freckles over Hux's shoulders, to memorize his features like he'll need to call upon them later. And he bends so easily for him. Hux pushes a finger against his lips and Ren opens to take it in his mouth. He reaches and Ren leans as if caught in his orbit. He pushes and Ren takes it, all of it, eager. And he watches Hux like he's never known something like this, like he's never seen anything like him. It fills Hux with a deep thrill, a possessiveness, and he tries to ignore the fear edging around it. The nagging understanding that these are quiet moments that can't exist anywhere else, that all of this is loaded, ready to crumble apart, and either one of them might pull the trigger at any second. 

Except the trigger isn't pulled. And then Hux forgets to wait for it. The moments keep stretching out between them: the swell of Ren's chest as Hux fucks him, sweetly, or maybe not so sweetly, sometimes bent over the desk, like a punishment for making Hux feel this way, for reminding him that he feels anything at all, Ren's sweat-slicked hands skidding on the metal,

Or the time Ren comes back so angry he sends two of Hux's 3D models to the floor, at which point Hux nearly tackles him, takes those thick wrists in his own grip and shakes him, snarling.

"You do _not_ ," he says, "take your anger out on my things."

And before he can say anything else Ren kisses him, bruising and needy. They don't even make it to the bed. Their bodies fold onto the floor and Hux lets Ren tire himself out, pressing and rutting and leaving red marks that color quickly to purple. When they both finish and they stand again on shaky legs, Ren runs his hands over Hux's uniform like he could smooth the wrinkles out. If he were capable of saying sorry, he might. But Hux doesn't even want him to, because Ren has always been a presence to be felt, not just acknowledged,

And once, in the thick of it, already so far gone and Ren clawing at his back, Hux asks, "Are you mine, Kylo?" and Ren slurs back a _Yes_ without hesitating, and later they don't speak of it, because Hux can't admit that hearing that thrilled him as much as it terrified him. Ren is gone in the morning, as he should be. Hux walks the halls in his shined boots and he is both respected and feared. Ren still moves too heavy, as if his body doesn't understand itself. There are morale speeches, reports to write. The planet shakes as they drill farther in. Things move along. Ren leaves on secret missions or training, Hux watches the product of his dreams start to reach completion. They report to Snoke. Hux does not mention anything about the position sensor in Ren's belt. Sometimes, he almost forgets it's there. He forgets himself a lot with Ren, finds himself longing for him when Ren is gone, waiting for the alert that his shuttle is back in the hangar. And when Ren comes sometimes they don't even have sex, they just orbit around each other until Ren climbs into bed with him and neither says a word. Hux says nothing when Ren pulls him close, and Ren says nothing when Hux runs his fingers absently through Ren's thick hair. He does this until Ren's breathing slows, and even after, for far, far too long.

Underneath them, the planet becomes hollowed and ruined and Hux does not think about how even the thickest of skins can be broken.

\--

The closer Starkiller comes to being completed, the more time they're all spending on base. Makeshift paths have been carved out, a platform dug into the side of the mountain for rallies and speeches. Hux walks the platform near its completion and imagines himself in front of thousands of his men, all of them in neat lines, devoted. Ren's feelings about the base are less noticeable, if at all. Hux pretends this doesn't bother him. Ren is there almost as often as him either way. Starkiller is infinitely more spread out than the Finalizer, and not as populated at present, and neither of them is entirely fond of lengthy interaction. It's ideal, as much as Hux loves that ship, to be off it at times. And he sits now in the private recreation area for officers with Ren, the two of them locked in a game of Dejarik. Hux hasn't played the game in ages. He normally doesn't make time for games, but Ren suggested playing, or really goaded, and Hux had no intention of allowing him to gloat.

"I'm surprised you know anything about games," he says, and watches as Ren's Houjix moves to fight his Monnok. "I didn't think your training would allow for that."

The doors are locked, and Hux has disabled the holocams, all so Ren can sit with his helmet off. He's leaning forward in a chair that's much too small for him. His hair has gotten longer, Hux notices, and then looks back to the board.

"I played as a child," Ren says finally, stiffly.

It's difficult for Hux to imagine Ren as a boy. He can only picture him smaller, lankier, less sure of his body. He doesn't want to go further than that, to breech something he's not ready for. He watches as his Monnok is taken down and hisses.

"What made you want to play now?"

"I was bored," Ren says. "Your move."

Hux leans forward and examines his moves.

"You're losing, you know," he says. He can feel Ren's eyes on him but doesn't look up. "No strategy whatsoever—who taught you how to play this?"

"A Wookiee," says Ren. "And he let me win every time."

At that, Hux does look up.

"A Wook—"

"Make your move," Ren says, patience thinning from his voice.

It's a miracle he answered Hux truthfully at all. Ren never speaks of his life before the Order, and that's for the best, Hux knows. He wonders if Ren is faltering on his path right now, remembering this. Hux moves his Ng'ok. Ren's only got his Houjix left, and the game will be over soon enough. Hux can't help the competitive jolt he's felt the whole game, or the satisfaction now when Ren's Houjix is taken down. He leans back, smug, as Ren hits the switch to turn the board off.

Their eyes meet, briefly, and Hux realizes he isn't sure what to do. They don't normally have moments like this, outside Hux's quarters, sitting in a silence that isn't the product of sex. He isn't even sure how they ended up here—inspecting the grounds, Hux thinks, but that feels like hours ago now. He looks up at the high windows and sees thousands of stars dotted against the sky.

"It'll be finished soon, you know," he says. "The weapon."

He looks back and sees Ren's gaze also locked on the windows.

"And after your dream weapon is finished?" he asks.

"Several things," Hux says. "Pending permission from Snoke, of course. But our first course of action would be taking out the Hosnian system."

"You plan to take out an entire system."

"Yes."

Hux reaches for his drink on the table. It's basically all water now, but he takes a sip anyway. Ren is still leaning forward, attentive, curious, but not wary, Hux thinks.

"Does that bother you, Kylo?"

He calls him Kylo only in private. Hux likes the way the name rounds in his mouth, likes the way Ren's lips twitch whenever he uses it. They twitch now, like muscle memory.

"It doesn't bother me," Ren says. "But what about you?"

'What about me?"

"You'll be the most hated man in the galaxy."

"Whether people like me is not a concern of mine," Hux says. "The galaxy needs a new order, and I intend to bring it. Let them hate me, so long as they obey."

His voice has taken an edge to it. Hux swallows more of his watered-down drink, dares Ren to break eye contact wit him. He doesn't. He looks fascinated, filled up with Hux's words, his passion. Hux could stop here, and maybe he should, but:

"Will you feel it?" he asks. "When they die?"

"Yes," says Ren.

Hux runs his finger over the edge of his glass, traces the circle. "What does it feel like? Is it painful?"

"There's no word for it," Ren says. "Not in any language."

He's surprisingly transparent about this. Ren has his moments, though Hux can never tell when they're coming, where he's so open it's as if he trusts Hux. Other times he's more guarded. Hux imagines him standing next to him as the weapon fires off, the brilliant film of red, and Ren leaning into him as he feels it. He smiles. Ren catches his gaze again.

"You're a horrible person," he says, with a tone that nearly sounds fond.

"Mm," Hux says. "And you like it."

Ren says nothing. He doesn't have to.

\--

Phasma walks the entire base almost every day. Hux will hear the weight of her armor as she walks the halls, and the sound of it has become somewhat soothing to him now, a way to keep time. Even with construction going as planned, they've both still been busy, hardly ever take the time to spar anymore. Hux listens to her now as she walks near his private office, dressed in full armor. He wonders why she does that; morality, perhaps, professionalism, or perhaps, like Ren, she feels she needs to cover some weakness. The door to his office chimes and Hux looks up, sees it's Phasma and grants her permission to enter.

"Something wrong, Captain?" he asks.

"Nothing to report, sir," she says. "Though scanners have picked up a small windstorm moving west towards us."

"I see." Hux makes a note to keep an eye on the scanners. They had a storm last week that caused a technician to fall into the weapon's core, neck snapping. Hux would like to avoid that again, if possible. "Thank you, Captain."

"Sir."

Hux picks up his cup of caf and takes a sip, winces when he realizes it's gone lukewarm. Ren had left it in his quarters that morning. He knows, somehow, that Hux likes it sweetened.

"What do you think, Phasma?" Hux asks. "You walk this base almost every day. How are things progressing in your eyes?"

"Very well, sir," she says. "But you must know that."

"Oh?"

"You seem more relaxed," Phasma says.

Hux can't answer her right away. He's trying to decide if she's right. It hasn't occurred to him to notice that at all.

"Though I think we all are, now that operations are up," Phasma adds. "Even Commander Ren seems more at ease. I almost can't recall the last time he destroyed a console, though, for official record, it was three and a half weeks ago. A new best, for him."

Again, Hux doesn't answer immediately. He sips his caf again even though it's lukewarm, watching Phasma, wishing for a moment she wasn't wearing her helmet so he could gauge her reactions.

"A valid observation," he says. "Seems we're all a bit less tense when things are running smoothly."

After she leaves, Hux keeps drinking the caf, despite the fact that it's gone completely cold now. He drinks until it's gone entirely, and then shoves the cup away until he can't see it.

\--

There's something about Mitaka that causes him to have terrible luck. He's always the one to deliver bad news. Hux shouldn't be amused by it, only he is, except when Mitaka comes bearing bad news for _him._ He enters the command room on base just after they've all had lunch, already sweating, his jaw twitchy and fluttering like a bug's wings. He heads straight for Hux and stops short, salutes, swallows.

"Out with it," Hux says.

"General Hux, the…sir, our delivery ship was turned away on Abafar."

Hux pales. "What?"

"Tralger refused to hand over the supplies," Mitaka says. "The ship sent over the transmission, if you'd—"

"Yes." Hux walks over to the central computer. "Pull it up."

Tralger's thin and leathery face pops up on the screen. Hux feels a twitch start up in right eye. He's only seen the man a few times in transmissions over the holonet, but it's always rubbed him the wrong way. It looks as if his skin is slowly sliding off the bone, eyes bulging.

"This message is for the Commanders of the First Order," he starts. "Plans have changed."

Hux grips the back of the chair and waits, hot anger rising up his throat. Because of the First Order's situation, they've been making deals and alliances with various space gangs, smugglers, _anyone._ The New Republic has a tight grip on materials in the galaxy, but as far as illegals go, they're a bit more lax. It isn't the most ideal situation, but The Order's made do. Desire from most to return to the old ways is enough, and when that isn't fear does the job for them. But New Republic officers have been checking into the Outer Rim lately, or so Tralger says. Hux is hesitant to believe anything without proof. More importantly, though, they're refusing to hand over materials.

 _Not enough credits to risk a Republic fleet ruining my operations,_ Tralger had said in his message. _But perhaps the First Order would be willing to negotiate on price._

Once the message finishes, Hux has a white-knuckled grip on the chair. He stares at the blank space where the transmission had been, as if his eyes might bore a hole to Abafar.

"Sir," Mitaka says. "What are your orders?"

Hux turns sharply away from the computer.

"I need an audience with the Supreme Leader, " he says. "And I want you to call a meeting with all officers. Do it now."

\--

They meet within the hour on Starkiller, all of them contained to the largest meeting room, bodies of shining black and leather. Ren is there as well. He takes a seat at the head of the table opposite of Hux, arms resting against his chair. Hux tries not to project his frustration, but he's sure Ren has already felt it. He can't see his eyes, but he knows somehow that he's looking at him.

"The Supreme Leader has already given a go-ahead to increase payment," Hux says. "We can't afford to let this delay completion of the weapon. He's getting impatient."

"How many more credits are we willing to give for this project?" someone asks. "What is Tralger demanding? Double?"

"We can't even be certain he's being truthful." It's Corporal Grena. She makes eye contact with Hux. "Are we going to let these outlaws play us for fools?"

"If you have a more promising suggestion, please speak up," Hux says.

"We take the planet by force," she says. "No more paying for materials."

Hux snorts. "Do you really think that's wise? Risking manpower on an attack? Our numbers are growing, Corporal, but we're not yet in a position to launch a full offensive. Not without the New Republic being alerted to our power."

"Paying them is a slap in the face to the Order," Grena says. "It's disgrace—"

"Should we put you in the front lines, then?" Ren asks.

All heads turn toward him, slowly. Ren is normally quiet in meetings. He listens, he leaves. But Hux can see from his position now that he's agitated. He's sitting up taller, back straightened.

"Commander Ren," Grena says. "I only want to ensure we're exploring every option."

"Suggesting foolish solutions is a waste of time," Ren says. "We have the credits to pay, Leader Snoke will make sure of that. If we want to make our move on the New Republic, we need to be smart." A pause. "General Hux's solution is best."

There's a stretch of silence. Hux stares, more than a little dumbfounded at Ren's outburst. He also feels the back of his neck growing hot, and not from anger. Everyone is still staring at Ren, so Hux takes a moment to compose himself.

"Commander Ren is correct, we do have the credits," he says. "Tralger is a greedy man, and he is not smart. If he thinks this scheme will work out best for him in the end, he is sorely mistaken. But for now we need to continue our work, as decreed by the Supreme Leader."

He looks at everyone but Ren. Grena looks put out, perhaps even a little scared, which Hux finds himself rather enjoying.

"I think everything is in order, then," Hux says. "We need to make contact with Abafar."

\--

The truth is, Hux would like nothing more than to attack Abafar. He'd like to watch as those sniveling criminals begged for their lives, only for Hux to deny them. But he won't risk ruining their materials. And he won't risk the Republic being alerted. If there's any truth to Tralger's claim, then they need to tread carefully. When he'd relayed this to Snoke, the Supreme Leader had agreed. He'd also made it clear that Hux was to take care of this matter personally. It's his responsibility. As if Hux has ever forgotten. That's why he's going to go there himself.

"Now who's being risky?" Ren says.

They're in Hux's quarters, Hux with a brandy and Ren with his helmet off.

"Don't talk to me about risk," he says. "What kind of outburst was that? Do you want people to suspect?"

"Suspect what?" Ren raises one eyebrow. "I've agreed with you before."

Hux takes a long pull of his drink.

"Still," he says. "I don't need you standing up for me, Kylo. I didn't make it this far by not being able to defend myself. And it's a necessary risk, going to Abafar. I want to know what's going on for myself."

"I wasn't—" Ren pauses, mouth tight. "I'm going with you," he says finally.

"Of course you are," Hux says. "If something deeper is going on, I know you'll be able to find out."

They'll be leaving tomorrow. The necessary preparations have already been made, Snoke contacted. He's given his approval to Hux's plan, and that's all Hux needs. He finishes his drink off, the alcohol burning nicely against the back of his throat.

"If you were in charge, you would have colonized that planet ages ago," Ren says.

Hux sets his glass down slowly.

"In charge?" he says.

Ren runs his index finger over the dome of his helmet, eyes cast downward before he looks up, grinning.

"If you were emperor."

Hux nearly knocks his glass over. Ren has a habit of knowing things he shouldn't, or reading into things he shouldn't, or just doing things in general that he shouldn't. Hux has never told anyone about that, never. He searches Ren's face.

"How did you—?"

"I saw it. I see all your desires every time you come, Hux."

Hux honestly can't tell if he's joking or not.

"That's a profoundly creepy thing to admit to," he says, eyes narrowing. "Don't do that."

He strips down to his undershirt and pants. He doesn't like the exposed feeling of Ren knowing so much about him, but the fact that Ren knows he wants to rule and seems to have no objections stirs something dangerous in him. Ren already yields to him so much, and Hux can imagine him under his thumb as emperor all too easily. Before he can pull his gloves off, Ren reaches for his wrist and encircles it. He pulls Hux's wrist to his mouth and bites the tip of the glove, yanks it off slowly with his teeth. Hux's throat dries.

"Are you trying to tell me something?"

Ren drops the glove and kisses him. He's gotten quite good at undressing himself with the Force, and they're naked in record time, Hux underneath him on his bed. Ren kisses at his navel, hair tickling the sensitive skin there. Typical of him, Hux thinks, that they're in the middle of this mess and all Ren can think about is sex. He runs a hand through Ren's hair, pushes it back so he can see his face. Ren looks up at him, eyes questioning, searching. He holds onto Hux's hips, fingertips pressing with nervous energy. His lips part, then shut again. It doesn't take very long at all for Hux to read him, to realize and break into a grin he knows looks feral.

"You want to fuck me, don't you?" he says.

"Yes," says Ren, and actually looks away as if he's embarrassed.

Hux muses at Ren's hair again and then lets ago, stuck on how ridiculously young Ren acts in these moments, an inexperience that borders on innocence, though he's truly anything but.

"All right," he says. "Sit up."

Ren scrambles upright quickly. Hux grabs the lubricant and a condom, tosses the condom into Ren's lap.

"Put that on."

Hux crawls over to him and sits up on his knees. He dribbles some of the lubricant out onto his fingers and reaches back, breaches himself with one, and sighs. He's done this before, though less often now that Ren is in his bed so much. The feeling of it sends heat to his groin, makes his cock twitch. Ren is staring at him, eyes like discs. He grabs for the lube and pours some onto his own fingers. Then he moves forward, chest against Hux's, and reaches around to his backside.

"I'm handling it," Hux says.

"You're a control freak," Ren tells him.

"Maybe I don't trust your inexperienced hand—"

He cuts off when one of Ren's fingers slides in alongside his own. His fingers are thicker than Hux's and he can feel it. Hux braces himself with a hand on Ren's shoulder, breath coming faster now.

"Another," he says, gasping, and purposely doesn't look at Ren's face.

Ren obeys, a second sliding in, and they open Hux up together, Ren's fingers curious and prodding. He's actually extremely gentle. Hux makes the mistake of looking at him, sees that Ren is giving him that face again, like he can't believe Hux is even real. Hux shuts his eyes and shivers as Ren's fingers brush over his prostate, just barely.

"All right," Hux says, impatient now.

He lets out a high little whine as Ren's fingers slip out along with his own. He feels open, and he hasn't felt that way in a long time, not for anyone. Ren starts to move but Hux stops him with a kiss, holds him in place by his jaw as he climbs into his lap. He feels for Ren's cock and jerks it once, Ren twitching up until his cockhead is pressed against Hux's hole.

"That's it," Hux says, and starts to sink down.

Ren looks shocked by it. Hux knows he's never felt tightness like this before. By the time Ren has bottomed out, he's holding Hux's hips hard enough to bruise, fingers twitching and shaking. Hux starts to move, just enough, pleased when Ren's hips press up to meet him. It feels good. He'd almost forgotten how good it could feel.

"Hux," Ren says, like he doesn't know what to do with himself, like he's praying to him. " _Hux,_ hells."

Hux rolls his hips and contracts his muscles gently. Ren surges forward and kisses him hard, all tongue, messy and aroused. He gets the hang of it quickly. His hips press up with more confidence, he guides Hux on his cock with his hands, works him down. Hux's toes spasm and curl, his arms wrapped tighter around Ren's neck.

"Fuck," he says. "Kylo."

Ren moans against his cheek and then moves them forward, presses Hux down onto the mattress. Hux hadn't actually planned for this—he'd wanted to ride him, keep him at his mercy. But Ren feels good, so good, thick and hot and eager. Hux wraps his legs around Ren's waist. The position forces his back into an uncomfortable angle, but it's too good at this point for Hux to let it stop. He presses his lips to Ren's ear and whispers to him, tells him it's good, tells him _come on, yeah,_ breaks off into high whines that get Ren thrusting harder.

It doesn't last long. Hux expected as much. Ren tightens and spills over, muffles his scream into Hux's shoulder. After he twitches out the last of his orgasm, he's panting heavy. Hux moves his hands up to smooth his hair back, to admire the blush of his face. Ren leans down and kisses him again, but breaks the kiss to pull out. Hux moans at the loss, legs dropping open. Ren's hand drifts over his still-hard cock. Hux has never noticed it before, but when Ren is aroused, his chest gets blotchy and red as well as his face and neck. He looks like he's trying to make a decision.

"What?" Hux asks.

Ren doesn't answer him. He slides down Hux's body and takes his cock in his mouth. The sound that comes from Hux's lips is not, by any means, dignified. He throws his head back against the pillow, hands reaching down immediately to twist in Ren's hair. Ren goes at it a bit too eager, tongue moving quickly. He holds Hux's thighs up and takes him as far in as he can, which is nearly all the way. Hux refuses to close his eyes. He needs to see the way Ren's cheeks hollow out, the way he glances up at Hux through his lashes. It isn't until he reaches orgasm that Hux can't keep his eyes open anymore, that he falls back and shouts his release into the room, thighs shaking.

When he's finished, Ren sits up and swallows, drags a hand over his mouth to wipe the excess away. He's on his haunches between Hux's legs, chest still flushed, and Hux thinks he looks beautiful before he can stop the thought. Ren grins.

"I've told you before—" Hux starts.

"And I've told you before, I don't have to be," Ren says, without sounding the least bit sorry.

Hux sits up, still shaky from his orgasm, and pushes a hand against Ren's chest until he leans to the side and lies onto his back. Hux crawls over him. When Ren goes to reach for him, Hux grabs both his wrists and pins them over his head.

"You're infuriatingly smug right now," he tells him.

Kylo cocks his head. "You like me better when I'm under you."

"I should kick you out," Hux says.

But he doesn't. Instead he just kisses him to shut him up. He kisses him, his grip relaxing, hands sliding up and sliding up until Ren's fingers slot between his own and squeeze. Hux squeezes back. He's glad, for once, that he's too distracted by Ren's mouth to think about it.

\--

Hux wakes from the lack of body heat. Ren normally clings to him in the night, something Hux has gotten too used to. He shifts and turns to look over his shoulder. Ren is awake and sitting upright. Hux pauses. He's just sitting there, hair wild over his face, arms wrapped around his knees. His lips are drawn tightly together, laser focused.

"Kylo," Hux says.

He gets no response at first.

" _Kylo_."

Ren turns, barely, his pupils very large.

"Hux," he says. "Did I wake you?"

"Of course not."

The tight line of his lips softens, briefly.

"Go back to sleep."

"Shut up."

Hux sits up, uncertain, and hates that he's uncertain. When he presses his hand to Ren's back, the man exhales, almost deflates. Hux rubs his hand along the expanse of Ren's back, his own chest much too tight.

"You look like someone just tried to kill you," he says.

Ren glances at him, eyes still wild, and says nothing. Hux sighs.

"Lie down," he says. "You need to sleep."

It surprises him when Ren listens. He reclines but still gives his back Hux, so Hux keeps moving his hand along the skin. Must have had a nightmare, Hux thinks. Usually, Hux is the one who wakes him up from those, but perhaps tonight's was particularly bad. Hux doesn't ask. Ren just seems…different, somehow. More distant. Hux can't really explain why it feels that way.

"Hux," Ren says, his voice very soft in the dark.

"What?"

"The star systems. Name them."

Hux doesn't answer at first. He knows what Ren's referring to, but Hux had only mentioned it once, so long ago—

"I can't believe you remember that," he says.

"Of course I remember." Ren hunches over on himself a bit, self-conscious. "You said it."

Hux stares at Ren's form in the darkness, his hand still on his back. He wonders just often Ren had been watching him before, considering him, noticing him in a way Hux hadn't thought of.

"Name them," Ren says. "Please."

By the time Hux gets to the middle of his list, Ren is asleep. His face is still tense, troubled, but relaxed a fraction now. Hux keeps going. He finishes the list. His hand is still pressed to Ren's back. Hux moves it, slowly, until his arm is over Ren's side and they're pressed skin to skin. He can feel Ren's breathing, can smell the soap on his skin. Hux shuts his eyes, and then starts the list again, this time for himself.

\--

Two things happen when Hux's chrono alerts him to get up. One is that he knocks it off the side table, but it doesn't hit the floor. The other is that Ren's arm is still slung over his back. Hux glances down and sees his chrono floating. He looks back at Ren. His eyes are still closed like he's asleep, and he's there, and Hux has too many questions at once.

"What are you still doing here?" is the first one he decides on.

He chrono floats back onto the side table and Hux hits the alarm off. Ren's eyes slide open, bloodshot. He looks like he didn't sleep much at all, must have woken up again once Hux fell asleep.

"What the hells is wrong with you?" Hux asks, not unkindly.

"Nothing," Ren says.

He moves and stretches out on the bed, limbs flexed, hair an absolute mess. Hux has never actually seen him like this before, early morning and softer. Ren sits upright and stifles a yawn, so human. Sometimes, before, Hux would almost forget that Ren is human, but he can't now. He's seen him breathe and crack and bleed too many times to ever forget.

"I didn't want to leave," Ren says, finally answering Hux's first question. "And you were clinging to me in your sleep."

"I think you have that backwards."

Hux steps out of bed and heads for his shower, not at all disappointed when Ren follows him.

"Don't get any ideas," he says as they step under the spray. "We're on a tight schedule."

"You act as if I'm the problem." Ren grabs for the soap and hands it over to Hux. "I see the way you look at me."

Hux snatches the soap from him. He can't decide if he's enjoying Ren hanging around in the morning yet or not. They shower in an easy silence, sharing products. Hux notices the way Ren looks off at times, eyes flickering. He wonders if he's remembering something, that nightmare from last night, maybe? As they step out, Hux's curiosity gets the better of him.

"What happened last night?"

They don't normally talk about this. They don't normally talk about anything that might involve having to admit either one of them has feelings. Ren towels off, hesitating, not meeting Hux's eyes.

"Everything is fine," he says.

"Don't lie to me, Kylo, you forget how easy you are to read without that helmet."

Ren walks back into bedroom and Hux follows. They dress silently, Hux waiting for Ren to hurry up and just tell him. He knows it's crossing a line, pushing like this, but somehow it doesn't feel like it.

"I had a vision," Ren says, once his shirt is on.

"A vision?" Hux asks. "You mean a dream."

"No, a Force vision. I'm sure of it."

Hux nods, knowing he's in no position to argue that. He'd read something about Force visions once, but the knowledge never stuck with him.

"Well, are you going to tell me what it was about?"

"…No."

Hux snorts and finishes dressing. He goes through the rest of his normal morning routine as if Ren isn't there, emerging from his refresher once his hair has been combed into place. Ren's is still damp but drying at the ends, curling a bit. He looks more distracted than usual, but Hux is aware that they don't have time for this. Not today. They've got too much riding on Tralger accepting their credits and moving the materials back. They'll be leaving on a command shuttle, a delivery vessel following. On one of the outer moons, Hux is going to have a few squads of troopers ready to move out, just in case. Hux is not a man to be caught unprepared. He's thought this over all night. He feels frustrated, agitated, and a little anxious. This is still a risk in its own right.

"I need you to be ready to leave before 0800," he says.

"I know," says Ren.

"Of course they would pull something like this once we're so close to finishing." Hux buttons his collar in stiff movements. "We're short on troopers as it is, and now we've got another delay—"

Ren's hands come up to cup Hux's face; large, bare, warm. Hux inhales.

"—What do you think you're doing?"

"Comforting you."

Ren looks alarmed at his own action. His face speaks to his lack of sureness, those eyes wide and questioning. But Hux feels a warm, tingling sensation fill his body. His muscles tense and then release as if melting. Whatever Ren is doing, it feels inexplicably good, unlike anything Hux has ever experienced in his life. His eyes flutter.

"I don't need comforting. If you're trying to return a favor, don't."

Ren's lips finally twitch into a smile, into confidence.

"Is that why you're leaning into my touch?"

"You choose the most inconvenient times to be observant," Hux says.

"When was the last time you let yourself relax?" Ren asks.

Hux has a response in his mind. He wants to say, _With you around? Never._ But the feeling is so good now, so soft, and he finally lets his eyes close.

Instead of darkness behind his lids he sees sunlight, a warmth he could touch if only he could reach out to it. And he does reach, hands drifting over Ren's waist and coming to rest there. The floor seems to disappear beneath him. He's floating, he's infinite. And Hux thinks he could fall asleep like this, he could stay in this spot forever.

"Hux."

Hux opens his eyes. Ren is looking at him, eager and open. Hux pulls him in by the waist and kisses him, Ren's hands still holding his face. His mouth feels warmer. Hux deepens the kiss, one hand coming up to curl in Ren's unruly hair, cup his skull. When he pulls back there's a high brush of color on Ren's cheeks, and Hux thinks once again that it's a good thing he has that stupid mask to cover his face.

"0800," he says. "I expect you ready at the hangar."

"Would you like to write it on my hand?"

Hux rolls his eyes.

"Very funny." He finally dislodges himself, all too aware of the way that warmth leaves him. He has to stop himself from asking about it, about what Ren did. "I'll need to check in with the relief officers before we go."

Ren nods and grabs his helmet from the desk and shakes his hair back to slip it on, to close himself off.

"I have to report to the Supreme Leader."

Hux glances down at Ren's belt. He presses his tongue against his teeth and then looks back at Ren's masked face as he pulls his hood up. He thinks of Ren's fingers slotted between his own.

"Of course," he says. "He'll be expecting it."

They leave separately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hadn't planned on posting this early but a certain artist gave me the motivation I needed~ and now I'm sweating 
> 
> Also, thanks so much for all your sweet comments so far ♥


	4. Chapter 4

Tralger knows they're coming. When Hux relayed the transmission, he looked ecstatic, lips pulling into a smile. _I look forward to our negotiations,_ he'd said, and it took everything Hux had not to sneer at him. He busies himself on the shuttle as they take off, Ren seated to his right. They'll be in full contact with the Finalizer. Should they need more support, help can move to them instantly. Hux also has TIE fighters at the ready, though he hopes it won't come to that. He takes a seat next to Ren as they prepare the jump to lightspeed, exhaling as his body attempts to relax.

"You're concerned," Ren says.

Hux glances quickly at their pilot, though she seems not to have heard.

"Yes," he says, quiet. "Of course I am. This whole thing reeks of a larger problem. What if in another month he decides double isn't enough?"

"You could let me just kill him, you know."

"Don't be so animalistic, Ren." Hux's lips twist around the surname now, foreign. "He's very respected on Abafar, and their loyalty to us is not set. Once we're at full power and he's no longer of use, however…"

The image of Ren bringing him Tralger's head, like a prize, brings a smile to Hux's lips that he can't stop. But he still feels wary about this, even more so because Ren is acting strangely. Hux can feel his gaze on him more often than usual. It's unsettling.

"You're worried, though," Ren says. "Worried there will be an attack."

Hux hisses. "Ren, if I need you to state the obvious, I will ask for it."

Ren ignores him. "It'll be fine, Hux."

"Yes, with you there to swing your lightsaber around like a maniac, I'm not worried at all."

He means it, though. Ren is not the most skilled negotiator, nor is he someone who likes to express himself through words. He's coming with Hux because Hux feels better with him here… safer. Hux hasn't gotten this far in life by being reckless. If Tralger truly only wants more credits, then the problem is solved for now. But Hux has felt an uneasiness creep into him since the first transmission. This is something more. The pilot notifies them they'll be landing shortly. Hux leans against his seat and waits.

Abafar is the exact opposite of Starkiller. Dry heat stalls the air, a flat expanse of beige laid out before them as they step off the shuttle. Hux already feels overheated in his uniform. He can't imagine how Ren must feel, baking in that helmet. He's never actually been to this planet before. During the Clone Wars, the Empire had set up mines all over the planet, though now it's more of a wasteland, only good for metals and smuggling. In its desperate scramble to organize itself, the New Republic has almost forgotten the planet entirely.

Tralger's stronghold is a large stone building that Hux judges is about six stories high, the top draped in panels to shield it from the sun's intense heat. By the front steps, Tralger is waiting for them. He's human, and ugly. The sun reflects off his domed head, those crooked teeth smiling. Ren and Hux stop about ten feet from him, a few troopers flanked at their sides.

"General Hux," Tralger says. "I'm honored to have such a high-ranking officer come all the way to my little planet."

"Honor has nothing to do with it," Hux says. "I'm sure you've heard of Kylo Ren."

Tralger's throat bobs a bit, and he nods. Hux doesn't know how much of Ren's reputation proceeds him, if at all. Some of the galaxy has heard of Kylo Ren, but only in legend. To many, he might as well not exist at all.

"I assure you there's no need for stormtroopers," Tralger says. "This is just talks."

"Only a formality. Shall we step inside?"

Tralger nods.

"Of course, I forget you're not accustomed to this heat."

Inside is cooler, though still warm. Hux and Ren follow behind Tralger, the troopers left to wait in the heat, though they have comms to communicate if needed. Tralger's stronghold is more like a warehouse, some workers moving about. Hux can see the steel they use being loaded onto carriers. He doesn't see anything out of the ordinary so far, though the place smells like sweat and tangy metallic air. Hux wrinkles his nose. They slip the corner and Tralger keys open a sliding door that leads into a little meeting room. No one else is in there. Hux glances at Ren, who nods his reassurance.

"Let's get right down to it," Hux says once the door closes. "We've brought a second ship. We're prepared to pay you double the credits now in exchange for materials."

He and Ren slide into two chairs and Tralger sits opposite them, his big eyes widening.

"Double?" he says. "See, I knew the First Order would be willing to negotiate. This is why you'll bring order to the galaxy."

Hux resists pointing out that negotiation is not part of their doctrine, and definitely not once Starkiller is finished. He glances around the room again quickly, looks for any sort of anomaly, something to tip him off. Next to him, Ren is silent, but he isn't tense. Somehow, Hux feels calmer for that. These are gangs, he reminds himself, they don't care for galactic power. They care for money.

"Is the offer acceptable?" Hux asks. "I assure you it's more than enough to compensate for any trouble you might come across."

"Yes," Tralger says. "Yes."

He glances at Ren.

"Does your friend talk?"

Hux opens his mouth to answer but Ren beats him to it, his voice imposing and deep.

"Would you like to continue wasting our time, or would you like to be paid?"

There's an edge of impatience to Ren's voice, but only Hux can pick up on that. Tralger clears his throat and looks back at Hux.

"Can we transfer the credits now?"

"Yes," Hux says. "If the materials are ready."

"They are," Tralger says. "I figured we'd reach an agreement. I've already had my men load them."

Ren stands.

"I'll alert the cargo ship," he says.

Hux nods. Ren's robes brush his shoulder as he turns and Hux watches him go before he turns back to Tralger to transfer the credits. So maybe the Republic Fleet has been coming around after all. In that case, he needs to speak to Snoke. It might be better to just colonize the planet after all and set up a blockade. Hux thinks his paranoia might be starting to get the better of him.

"There," he says. "Your payment has been transferred. In the future, Tralger, I suggest you be more careful. The First Order has little patience for extended negotiations."

"Yes, of course," Tralger says.

The door opens again. Hux turns to tell Ren they're done here, only it's not Ren. There are three men at the door. The one in the middle is a Republic Fleet Captain, Hux can see that from his uniform, and that's all he needs to know. He reaches for his blaster just as Tralger's fist connects with his head. Hux stumbles. It doesn't knock him out, but he jerks forward, vision splitting. The men rush forward and grab him, wrench his arms back to the get the blaster out from his hand.

"Kylo!" Hux shouts.

The Captain punches him. Hux feels the sting of his lips hitting his teeth and then tastes blood. They drag him to the wall and the two others hold him there, members of Tralger's crew, Hux can see now.

"I'm sorry," Tralger says. "He got here before you, threatened to bring the whole Fleet with him. It's nothing personal to the First Order—I gotta protect my own—"

"Be quiet," the Captain says. "You've done your part and you'll be paid in full."

He cocks his head and looks Hux over, smiling. Hux wants to lunge forward and bite.

"So this is the infamous First Order General," he says. "I expected you to be bigger, somehow."

"Well I'm very sorry to have ruined your fantasies," Hux says, which earns him another punch. This one lands on his left eye.

"What are you taking these materials for?" the Captain asks. "Tell me and I'll make sure the Republic gives you a quick execution."

"Captain Merk," Tralger says. "I don't want blood on my floor—"

"I said to be quiet," Merk says.

He turns back to Hux, and, for no reason at all, punches him again.

Through the sting of the blow, Hux's ears start ringing. He thinks of a summer cycle he'd spent in the academy training, how the others had quickly learned to be afraid of him, and then he thinks about the first time he saw Ren without his mask, how his face had surprised him. How Hux hadn't been surprised in so long. He doesn't know why he thinks of it.

"Are you losing consciousness already?" the Captain asks. "I asked you a question."

Hux spits blood. "To which you'll receive no answer."

He can hear shouting outside the door now. The sounds are distant and angry, some scared. Hux listens for Ren's voice, for the sound of his lightsaber humming. He can't hear it.

"Don't think I won't kill you, scum," Merk says.

Hux lets himself laugh. His lip splits further, but it's worth it.

"But you have nothing," he says. "And you're here alone, aren't you?"

Merk says nothing, but his face tells enough. Hux isn't stupid. There are no other Republic officers in here, or he'd be seeing them right now.

"Are you trying to rise in your ranks, is that it? Couldn't let anyone else steal your chance to subdue the First Order?" Blood slides down his throat. Hux swallows quickly. "You'll get nothing from me."

There's a tense silence where Merk's jaw clenches, tendons pushing out against his neck. Then he exhales, calming.

"Maybe," he says. "But a dead First Order General is still worth something. And whomever that is you've brought with you. He's important, isn't he?"

Hux's breath freezes in his lungs but he keeps his face neutral, blank.

"That's Kylo Ren," Tralger says. "They say he's a Force-user."

"So we've heard on Hosnian Prime." Merk cocks his head, trying to gauge Hux's reaction. "Is he, then?"

"If he is, I assure you that you'll know very soon," Hux says.

He tests the hold of the two gang-members, but they've got him tight still. The noise outside quiets. Merk and Hux glance at the door, and Hux hates the fear that grips him. He can't hear anything. Ren is strong, but Hux has no idea how many men are out there, and it only takes one mistake to get killed. Merks snorts.

"Well, there are ways of dealing with Force-users. If that's even who he truly is, the lost Ben Organa-Solo."

The name rattles in Hux's brain a moment. Ben. Ben. He's never heard it before. There were always whispers, morbid curiosity as to who Ren was before—everyone knew Snoke recruited him. But the Supreme Leader had decreed his name forbidden. Hux had never even heard anyone hazard a guess. Ben. Hux doesn't know why the name doesn't surprise him at all. He eyes the door and tries to push his mind outward. _Where are you?_ he thinks.

"Now," Merk says, and Hux brings his attention back to him. "What are you using these materials for?"

"You New Republic men must be very hard of hearing. I already told you—you'll get nothing from me."

Hux can feel his left eye begin to swell a bit. It hurts, the pain radiating up his temple.

"Hm," Merk says. "You'll feel differently after an interrogation, I think."

He leans in just a bit, just to intimidate, but Hux takes it. He slams his head forward into the Merk's, skull screaming at the contact. Merk stumbles back and Hux kicks his right leg into the ankle of the gang member on his right. His arm is dropped and Hux punches the gang member on his left. When the man goes to hit him back Hux digs his thumbs into his eyeballs, feels the soft push of them as the man screams.

"Shoot him!" he hears. Hux knows his blaster is on the table, so he lunges for it, blaster fire just missing him. He almost grasps his weapon, but Merk punches him in the gut. It squeezes all the air out from his lungs and Hux tumbles into him, reaches for his neck. He's not going to die like this. He's not. The two of them grapple on the floor, one of the gang members still clutching his face and the other standing with Tralger, staring, unsure of whom to give loyalty to. Merk tries to get Hux underneath him, and despite the pain in his eye Hux won't yield, keeps a punishing grip on the man's trachea.

Then he hears Ren's voice echo in the halls, deep and distorted and angry.

"Hux!"

Hux can't get enough breath to answer him. Just thinks it and hopes Ren can hear him: _I'm here, I'm here._

The door doesn't open. It explodes off its hinges, blasts into the far wall. That snaps Tralger from his stupor. He reaches for his blaster but Ren stops him with a hand outstretched. All three men freeze, suspended. When Ren notices Hux bloodied on the floor, he lets out a growl. Merk rolls away from Hux, scrambles to right himself and grab for his blaster, but Ren is too quick in his fury. He strikes forward with his lightsaber and the Merk's arm is gone just like that, as if it had never really been attached to begin with. His scream is incredible, almost child-like.

"Don't you touch him," Ren says.

He silences Merk with a second blow that cuts clean through his head, drops his body to its knees. When the rest of his body follows, it hits the floor with a thud. It's so reminiscent of when he killed the beast on Starkiller that Hux could laugh. He pulls himself upright, aware of Ren and how heavy his presence is, how _angry_ he is. He forgets about the blood in his mouth, the stinging pain of his eye. Tralger and his two men are still frozen in Ren's control, and Ren is watching them, considering, bloodthirsty. Before Hux can steady himself on his feet, Ren has killed another of the men, cut him down almost in half.

"Ren," Hux says. "Ren— _Kylo_ , enough."

Ren doesn't listen. He kills the other man, slashes at his body perhaps more than is necessary. Blood splatters to the ceiling and the man falls into the table before crumbling. Hux jerks forward as Ren raises his lightsaber again to Tralger.

"Wait! I have questions for him."

In an act of self-control Hux wasn't sure was possible, Ren listens. He lowers his lightsaber, but lets the blade come so close to Tralger it leaves a red shadow across his face. He's still suspended in Ren's mind grip, and his body strains.

"Good," Hux says.

Tralger is openly terrified, and Hux smiles. This could be his future, Ren cutting down enemies for him, power rolling off him in waves that dry Hux's mouth out. Hux walks over to Tralger with his head cocked, arms folded behind his back.

"Kylo," he says. "Shall we see what things Tralger knows?"

Ren deactivates his lightsaber and tucks it away. He comes to stand next to Hux, arm stretching outward, fingers spreading. Tralger watches with his fat, wide eyes. He tries to speak, but he can't anymore. Hux has never actually seen Ren interrogate anyone before, he's only heard it. The next sound Tralger lets out is a choke, and Hux knows Ren is in. He waits. Tralger's eyes dilate as if he's no longer conscious, the tendons of his neck pulsing with the strain. Ren's arm shakes, and then Tralger screams. The sound is short but piercing, painful. Tralger's mouth hangs open, silent, and Hux can see red creep into whites of his eyes like roots. It fascinates Hux to watch.

Ren finishes quickly. When he pulls his hand back Tralger collapses to his knees, the exhaustion obvious on his face. He clings to the meeting table, breathing heavily. Hux is surprised he's not unconscious.

"Do you want to kill him?" Ren asks.

He grabs Hux's blaster from the table and holds it out to him.

"Yes," Hux says, taking it.

They should keep him alive. They should. He might be useful for them in taking control of the planet. But Hux only wants to kill him now, wants to see him die, and he wants Ren to watch. He aims for the head, Tralger still dazed from the mind probe, and then fires. His body slumps.

"Pathetic," Hux says, voice low.

As soon as he holsters his blaster Ren is on him. He pulls Hux toward him, pulls his gloves off to touch his face and catalogue his injuries. Hux stands there and lets him, alarmed. He's never had anyone do this for him before. He can still feel Ren's energy, unstable and manic. Ren touches the skin of his eye gently.

"Are you all right?" he asks.

"I'm fine," Hux says, still dazed. "What in hells happened to you?"

"They came at me from all angles, thought I'd be overwhelmed. Lots of blasters." Ren is still touching him, looking him over. "They're dead, now. But you—"

"I said I'm fine." Hux grabs Ren's forearms and stills him. "I'm all right. But we need to get out of here."

"I already notified the squadrons. They should be—"

In the background, there's the sound of cannons firing.

"—here," Ren finishes.

He puts gloves back on and they start for the entrance, the bodies of Merk and Tralger left to be taken later. It isn't until they turn the corner that Hux sees the others. There must be at least twenty of them. By the looks of it, some of them didn't even have time to draw their blasters. It's just a sea of bodies and blood. More cannon fire echoes from outside. Hux grabs Ren's arm and leads them forward to the front doors. He's got his blaster in his other hand. The second Hux opens the doors, he swears loudly.

There's stormtroopers on the ground battling with the gang members, maybe some locals too, Hux isn't sure. But it's chaos, and some of Tralger's men are already offering air support. Hux counts quickly—there are five ships. Their shuttle is still waiting unharmed, though running to it at this point is not an option. They'll either have to wait for the battle to be over, or figure something else out.

"This is a disaster," Hux says. "Those scum will fire on us before we can even—"

Ren steps out the door before he can finish, and Hux runs after him, unthinking, eyes stinging the sharp sunlight.

"What are you doing, you fool!?" Hux reaches to grab his cloak. "Kylo, you'll—"

Hux stops when he sees the movement ahead of them. Ren's right hand is outstretched. And the ships, all five of them, start to lower, not because they're landing, but because Ren is _moving them._ Hux hears the crunch of steel and realizes Ren must have control of them entirely. He stares, unable to think anything.

" _Go,_ " Ren says to him, his voice strained.

That snaps Hux from his daze. He takes off toward the shuttle, sees TIE fighters moving in now. He doesn't allow himself to turn back until he's started up the ramp of the shuttle. Hux looks behind in time to watch as Ren's arm cuts down, and then the ships are crashing into the sand.

\--

Hux waits until they're out of the atmosphere to follow Ren into the back control room. He'd come onto the ship with heavier steps than usual and gone straight there without a word. Hux was busy helping their pilot activate the shields. Her co-pilot had made the mistake of exiting the shuttle and was killed. When Hux had gotten on the ship, she was hiding with her blaster, almost shot him.

Hux steps into the back control room and sees Ren leaning against the command console.

"Shut the door," Ren says.

When Hux turns back, Ren's taken his helmet off. There's a thick trail of blood that leads from both nostrils and runs over his mouth and chin. The blood isn't flowing, parts of it are flaked and dry, but it's still there. Ren is breathing slowly, but it's heavy, labored.

"You're bleeding," Hux says, stepping forward. "What's wrong—what—?"

"I'm fine," Ren says, which Hux doesn't buy for a moment.

"Kylo."

"I'd never lifted that many things…at once before." Ren says it like he's just now realizing what he's done, and his lips split into a mad grin, teeth stained pinkish from the blood. "The Supreme Leader will be pleased."

"Forget about Snoke for a moment, you idiot."

Hux closes the distance between them, slips his glove off and wipes at the blood under Ren's nose with his thumb. It smears, and then Hux's palm is resting on the curve of Ren's jaw.

"Are you all right? You're not going to pass out on me?"

Ren's smile is smaller now, softer.

"I'm tired," he says. "That's all, Hux."

His blood has been smeared onto his cheek by Hux's thumb and Hux stares at it, trying to imagine what the strain must have been like. He doesn't know anything about this aspect of the Force. Ren's pupils are blown. Hux thinks of black holes.

"I expect you to rest, then, once we've returned to Starkiller."

"What about you?" Ren asks. "You took quite a beating."

"This is nothing," Hux says. "I've suffered worse."

Ren's eyes darken at that, and then he exhales and leans his cheek into Hux's palm, eyes slipping shut. Hux doesn't even question the tenderness of these gestures anymore. He's nothing left to question.

"Hux," Ren says suddenly, eyes opening. "I thought you were going to die."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"Hux." Ren grabs his elbow, face steeled. "For a moment—"

"But I'm all right," Hux says. "It'll take more than a Republic Captain and a desert gang to end me."

He returns the gesture, the bone of Ren's elbow pressed into his palm.

"You don't get it," Ren says. "I saw—"

There's a knock on the door. Hux steps back from Ren quickly and Ren reaches for his helmet.

"Sirs," the pilot says through the door. "We're almost there."

"Understood," Hux says, and turns back to see Ren masked once more, but Hux can feel his blood on his fingers.

\--

They don't get much more time to talk until they're back on the Starkiller. Even after they dock, Hux is busy being updated and updating, giving orders, overseeing the battle, though it's not much of one anymore. The stronghold was easily overtaken, and by Hux's estimation, enough of the original gang members are alive to continue operations as normal, though they'll have to keep troopers on the planet now. He allows a medical droid to apply bacta to his cuts, but refuses any further examination. His eye has swollen slightly, and Hux can see how puffy it is in the mirror, but there's barely any bruising. When he lights up a cigarette in his quarters, the tobacco stings his split lip. Hux ignores it and steps out of his refresher. Ren is on his bed, body stretched out as he sleeps. The blood from his nose has been cleaned up. Hux watches him. He's never seen Ren sleeping like this in the light before, untouched by nightmares, almost calm. His lips are parted just slightly, one arm curled under his head, the other under the pillow. He's stripped down to just his leggings, and every rise and falls of his chest affords Hux the opportunity to watch his skin and muscles move.

Hux finishes his cigarette. Then he reports to Snoke.

\--

"Our understanding is that this Republic Captain was acting without orders," he says. "He was attempting to extract information about our plans, but failed."

"I would have liked him alive for further questioning, but as you say, his death couldn't be helped." Snoke steeples his fingers together, thoughtful. "Nor Tralger, correct?"

"Both men were hostile—it was unavoidable."

Snoke watches his swollen eye and seems to believe him. Hux could only get so much out of Ren before he was walking away unsteadily toward Hux's quarters. But he'd seen enough of Tralger's mind to know—a Republic ship had made the rounds, though not with Abafar as a specific target. Captain Merk had somehow caught wind of their trading, but rather than report back to the Hosnian System, he'd taken his own action. He'd threatened Tralger with the whole Republic Fleet before offering him quite a bit of money. Whether he actually planned to pay him or not is questionable. But Hux always knew Tralger was greedy. His willingness to be bought out doesn't surprise him.

"We've taken control of the planet," he says. "This actually works out for the best, I believe. We'll save on credits."

"Abafar was to be taken eventually regardless," Snoke says. "Yes, this is an acceptable outcome. Though I see you're injured, General."

"Only mildly. Their attempt to interrogate me was not successful."

"How did you escape?"

Hux barely pauses. "After subduing his own attackers, Kylo Ren disposed of the men who attacked me."

"And controlled their ships," Snoke adds.

"Yes."

Snoke looks up past Hux's head, looks beyond him like he can see where Ren is right now, or maybe is just reaching out to him. Hux had tried to explain upon entering that Ren was unwell, but Snoke interrupted him for an update. Now he's silent, contemplative.

"His power grows quickly," he says finally. "Interesting."

Hux waits for him to add more, but he doesn't, goes silent again. After another moment, Snoke looks back to Hux.

"And what have you noticed?" he asks.

"Commander Ren seems stable…of course, we still don't speak much."

The lie rolls from his tongue easily. Snoke nods. Hux thinks about mentioning the position sensor, but never does. He's decided that's not for Snoke to know. That's for him. But when Hux leaves, he feels like Snoke is watching him, as if he knows something's been left out. Hux ignores the feeling. He concentrates on his legs moving under him.

\--

Ren is still sleeping when Hux returns to his quarters. He's in the same position, hair fanned out over the pillow. Hux unzips his boots and deposits them at the door, sand sprinkling out. He grimaces. He knows he has about a dozen new reports on his datapad, so he grabs it from his desk and sits up on the bed next to Ren, careful not to jostle him. But Ren stirs a few minutes in, stretches his limbs and yawns. Hux looks over at him.

"So you live."

Ren nods slowly.

"I thought you were dead for a moment," Hux says. "There was going to be a party."

"How unfortunate for you," Ren says, and rolls himself over to Hux, slides his head into his lap.

Hux drops one hand and pushes Ren's hair back, digs his fingers into it. He watches Ren's eyes flutter closed again and then looks back to his datapad, but realizes very quickly that's a useless thing to do now. He sets it on the side table. Ren's hair is anomaly, thick and always soft, though it shouldn't be when he wears that helmet all the time. Hux scrapes his nails along Ren's scalp, almost trance-like.

"You were trying to tell him something earlier," he says, remembering the shuttle. "What was it?"

He feels Ren tense a moment.

"It was that Force vision, wasn't it?" Hux asks. "You've been acting strangely ever since you had it, and you won't even tell me—"

"It was you, Hux," Ren says.

Hux's fingers slow to a stop in Ren's hair.

"Me," he says.

"You died."

Ren shifts and pushes himself upright. His eyes are less blown now, but still glassy from sleep.

"I saw you dying," he says.

Hux stares at him. "I'm not afraid to die, Kylo."

Ren leans close to him, whether to intimidate him or just be nearer to him, Hux can't tell.

"Even if it was me? Even if I was the one who killed you?"

The sound of the base's air circulation kicks on, rumbling quietly around them. Hux can't think of a damn thing to say, and he always has a response. He searches Ren's eyes and then looks elsewhere, tries to think of how it happened in his vision, of what Ren said. Did he beg for his life? Or was he accepting of his fate? Did Ren's lightsaber pierce him, or did Ren use his own hands and watch the life slowly drain out of him? Hux doesn't ask. He looks back and sees Ren watching him just as intently.

"But those aren't set in stone," he says. "Isn't that right? The future is uncertain, even your mystic religion must adhere to that."

"It does," Ren says. "But the visions often hold truth. And they don't come lightly, Hux, and not to just anyone."

"I don't care." Hux brushes Ren's hair back again, feels like he has to be touching him now. "There's no future where you'd ever kill me, where I'd ever let you."

He says it firmly, and part of him believes it, but he can tell Ren is wavering, doubting. He's looking at Hux like he wants to run.

"Hux," he says.

Hux pulls him forward and kisses him. He can't hear about this anymore, doesn't want to. Refuses to. He keeps his hands buried in Ren's hair, cups his skull and thinks only about the warmth of Ren's mouth. The kiss splits his lip open again but Ren is panting into it already, fingers reaching for Hux's uniform. He pushes his tunic off him, his undershirt, and then pulls Hux over and down on top of him as he slips his own pants off. Hux pulls back from the kiss and looks at him, just looks.

"I'm not dying," he says again, though he's saying it for Ren at this point.

Ren looks like he wants to argue him, so Hux slides down Ren's body and taps his hip. "Turn over."

Ren flips onto his stomach and Hux spreads his legs and settles between them. Ren's skin is smooth in the low light, and Hux drags his tongue down the center of his back until his reaches the globes of his ass. Ren starts to push up, thinks he knows what's coming, so Hux uses both hands to spread him open and licks a hot strip over his hole. Ren's whole body jerks and he falls back flat to the mattress. This, this they've never done before. This sort of thing has always seemed too intimate to Hux, too… something he doesn't want to name. Hux goes in again, licks Ren almost shyly, tasting him, and then pushes his tongue in. Ren lets out a deep, needy sound and pushes back against him, muscles clenching. That's exactly what Hux wants. Doesn't want him thinking about anything. He works his tongue in and out, Ren rutting now against the mattress. Spit wets Hux's mouth and dribbles down his chin. He wants to ruin Ren like this, make him sob.

"Wait," Ren says, as if hearing him. "No, I want you inside me."

Hux moans against him, can't say no to him like that, and gives one last lick before sitting upright and stretching for his table drawer and removing his pants. Ren rolls over again and slides the pillow under his hips, reaching for Hux like he can't bear to have him not touching him, not even for a second. Hux feels something like hysteria creeping up inside him. He wants Ren, horribly, terribly, despite everything. If anyone is going to ruin him, it's going to be Ren. They'll do it to each other.

Ren's already wet from Hux's tongue but Hux opens him up more with his fingers, moves them quickly, impatient and almost anxious with arousal. By the time he slides in Ren is digging scratches down his shoulders, neck pulled taut. Hux watches the pulse of his throat as he bottoms out, Ren's legs wrapping around him.

"I loved killing those men today," Ren says, panting. He rocks up into Hux's thrusts, ankles crossed to keep him deep. "I hate that they touched you."

"I know," Hux says. "I could feel it. I wanted to fuck you right there so they'd know you're mine."

He keeps the pace brutal and Ren meets it, the two of them panting against each other. Hux can never seem to keep his mouth shut when he's in bed with Ren anymore, like he loses control of himself inside of him, forgets who he is, who they are, what they're doing.

"You're mine," Hux says again, no longer afraid of it now, and Ren's response is quick succession of _yes yes yes_.

When Ren starts to lose himself, Hux can hear him. He can _feel_ him, can feel the lust shuddering off him in waves, the tight feeling of want, of comfort, and then underneath that, the shame and anger and _fear_ that Hux thinks must occupy his mind at all times. It startles him, has him thrusting into Ren harder. Ren's thoughts come to him so quickly Hux almost feels like he's suffocating. _I could leave,_ he hears. _He could come with me, Hux could—we could go—_ and then it drops off just as quickly, and Hux thinks, _Don't. Don't, Kylo, please._ He hates that he considers it, for just a moment considers them both gone from everything, somewhere a sunset can be watched outside and there are no nightmares. Hux slows his movement and Ren gasps, squeezes around him.

"Don't stop," he says. "Hux, don't stop."

So Hux doesn't. He moves faster, harder, and when they go over the edge together, their bodies fold into one another, as close as they can get.

\--

They shower together, after, sober and quiet. When they've finished, they both dress, the day still stretching ahead of them. Before Ren can put his helmet on, Hux kisses him again, and then realizes this is the first kiss they've shared outside of sex. And Hux could get used to that, he thinks, just kissing sometimes, for hours. Before he can pull back Ren nuzzles his cheek, and then he's slipping the helmet on. Hux glances at his belt again. He looks up and sees Ren pause, tilt his head up.

"The Supreme Leader wants to see me," he says.

Hux swallows. "Do you know what he wants?"

Ren shakes his head. Hux thinks about telling him. He thinks about telling Ren everything. But the words sit in his throat and never make it past there. All he does is touch Ren's hip, smile at him.

"Go on then," he says.

\--

Two days later, Ren's disappeared.

Hux works the base but never sees him, and later, when he makes a trip to the Finalizer, Ren isn't there either. It's odd enough that Hux sends a message to his comm, but hours later and he gets no answer. Hux busies himself with work instead. Phasma has been entrusted in setting up troops on Abafar, so he checks in with her. She's annoyed that Hux didn't let her lead a team of her own to Abafar originally. They lost more troopers than they wanted, but Hux reminds her that this is war. Then Hux checks back in on Starkiller. He expects Ren to find him by the time night falls on the planet, but hours pass, and Hux smokes five cigarettes and refuses to message him again. He sleeps, but it's fitful, and Ren is everywhere in it, biting his tongue and telling him to chase him, though when Hux tries, he slips right through his fingers like smoke.

He's scarce the next day as well. Hux pretends to ignore this, only he can't, and his men suffer because of it, Hux agitated and fierce. Even knowing the progress they've made on the weapon hardly does anything for his mood. He attends a meeting and skips dinner. He's brushing his teeth when his door chimes. It's late enough that Hux knows it could only be one person. He spits into the sink and walks out to key the door open.

Ren is standing there, and Hux feels a prickle of relief in his chest.

"Have you been attempting to become a ghost?" he asks. "If so, good job."

There's a pause before Ren steps in, and after he does and the door shuts, he keeps his helmet on. Hux watches him.

"Take your helmet off," he says.

Ren doesn't move.

"Kylo, stop being weird. Take it off."

Ren obeys, shaking his hair out. He looks…paler. Tired. The relief Hux felt before starts to morph into anxiety.

"What is it?"

"The Supreme Leader," Ren says, "has suspected something."

Immediately, Hux begins to imagine what can only be the most humiliating death. His first instinct is to do something, murder someone, but he feels rooted to the spot, stunned.

"What exactly does that mean?"

"He's sensed something." Ren's eyes flicker right, then back. "He doesn't know the nature of it. He doesn't know it was you."

"Oh," Hux says, relaxing again.

"But he's right," Ren says. "I've been distracted from my training, weakened."

Hux thinks of him lifting five ships and tells him that's not true. It sounds like he's just repeating whatever words Snoke's fed him.

"Stop," Ren says. "We need—I need to finish my training. I've been foolish."

Hux feels a sort dead weight drop from his throat into his stomach. It settles like a rock, as if he's swallowed it. When he opens his mouth to speak next, he finds that his teeth are clenched.

"Whatever you're trying to say, just say it."

"I won't come here anymore," Ren says. "To you. This ends now."

Hux knew that was coming somehow. He expects anger to push its way into his mind, but instead he feels desperate, a bit like he can't breathe. Hux opens his mouth and the word _please_ almost tumbles out before he can stop it.

"What did he tell you, Kylo?" There's no answer right away, and Hux scrambles, reaches. "I already told you, that dream of yours isn't—"

"It's you, Hux." Ren swallows, and Hux can see the tears in his eyes. "You've weakened me."

Hux shakes the sentence away.

"Is that what he told you? What happened on Abafar, then? Tell me that."

" _Enough_ ," Ren says. "Stop trying to make me go against him."

"That's not what I'm doing."

"You are!" Ren shouts. "The decision has been made, Hux."

And those are the words that do it. Hux feels a hot anger crawl up his spine. He steps forward and jabs a finger into Ren's chest.

"Is that it, then?" he says. "Master of the Knights of Ren, running back to his master with his tail between his legs?"

Ren tenses. "That is _not_ —"

"Isn't it? Are you really—" Hux pauses, swallows. "Are you really ending this because you feel weakened?"

"You wouldn't understand," Ren says, which only makes Hux angrier.

"What exactly are you looking for, _Ren_? A way to stop yourself from crawling back to the Light?"

Ren's face drops. He looks shocked, as if he really thought Hux couldn't tell, as if he wouldn't piece it together. Ren looks out to the center of the room, away from Hux's eyes, the palpable discomfort of the situation. Hux feels it. He feels a tight, lingering dread in his chest along with his anger. After a moment, Ren's anger also swells, and he moves forward against Hux.

"Be quiet," he says. "You know nothing about this."

"Don't I?" Hux says. "I know that the Supreme Leader senses your faults. He wanted me to keep watch on you, tell him if you slipped."

Ren's face is already open, every emotion passing like a wave. Hux can't stand to look at him like that. He takes his gaze over his shoulder, watches the shut doors.

"You're lying," Ren says.

Hux looks back. Ren's eyes are misty, and Hux knows. Knows why he's doing this, knows that he's being cruel but can't stop himself.

"I'm not," he says. "You know I'm not."

"He _wouldn't._ " Ren's face reddens. "Not to you—you're weak."

"I'm weak?" Hux says, and then laughs, and it's like a bark. "No, you're weak, Ren, and you know it. You're pathetic."

He can see the hurt instantly in Ren's eyes, though it's covered quickly by anger.

"Pathetic as a man hiding behind a weapon?"

"What difference is my weapon to yours?" Hux asks. "You're covering for your weakness. Isn't that right, _Ben_?"

Ren steps back as if Hux has struck him. The hurt flashes again, and Hux wishes it gave him a satisfaction to see it. He tries to speak again but finds that he can't. Something is pressing on his throat, forcing his trachea shut. Hux chokes, hands lifting to his throat automatically as if he can claw the air out. He sees Ren's face, so dark now, his eyes wild. And then he seems to realize what he's doing and releases him. Hux gasps, knees buckling as he collapses to his knees, coughing to get his breath back.

"You will never say that name again," Ren says, oddly calm. "It's not yours to say."

"Get out," Hux says, rasping. When Ren doesn't move right away, he screams it. "Get out!"

Ren starts to move, replacing his helmet. Hux stands up on shaky legs, hand still at his throat.

"Don't ever come back here again," he says.

There's a strange, calm pause between them. A moment where maybe they could just take it all back. But then the moment closes, and Hux's throat is still burning.

"I won't," Ren says, and then he's gone.

Hux waits a long time after before he moves again. He pours himself a glass of water and drinks it slowly, calmly. He sets the empty glass down on his desk. Hux waits, counts to five. Then he yells, guttural and primal, and flips the desk over. His 3D models and empty glass crash to the ground, shards splintering everywhere. Hux stands there, chest heaving. Then he calmly rights the desk again, boots crunching on glass. Hux wipes a hand over his mouth, staring at the mess.

He calls for a maintenance droid.

\--

Snoke summons him the next day. When Hux enters the chamber he can't feel his legs. He hasn't seen Ren, and for all he knows Ren went squealing to Snoke the moment he left, and now Hux is walking to his death. He's imagined this a few times, actually. Hux stops in front of Snoke and stands like normal, but the way Snoke is watching, body angled forward, Hux knows he's not happy.

"Supreme Leader," he says. "You'll be pleased to know we're now ahead of schedule."

"That is not why I've called you here," Snoke says. "I want you to tell me what you did not tell me before about Kylo Ren."

Hux feels his face twitch, a bloom of anxiety.

"Supreme Leader?"

"I have noticed a change in him. He has become sympathetic, distracted. And yet you failed to mention this."

Ren didn't tell him. He didn't say anything about them. Hux barely lets himself feel relieved.

"I noticed his turbulence, yes," he says. "But I felt it was not necessary to bring such petty concerns to you. He displayed tremendous gains in power, and so I thought nothing of it."

He hates talking about it. Hux doesn't want to have to say Ren's name, doesn't want to think about him at all.

"I will decide what is necessary," Snoke says. "You are a man of thought, General, I know this. Your evaluation of psyche in the Stormtrooper Program is an impressive feat. But I have been helping the Empire, and now the First Order, long before you came into this galaxy. It is I who holds the power here, and I who decides what to do with it."

"Yes," Hux says, hot with anger, with the reminder that he's still under Snoke's thumb. "I made a mistake in my estimation, and I apologize. But I did not take your words to watch Ren lightly."

Hux pauses—the words sit in his throat, Ren's name hovering out in the open now.

"As Ren was being treated for injuries from his recent training, I fixed a tracker to his belt. I did not want to appear suspicious by following him. Now we will be able to track his movements, should you deem it necessary."

"Did you?" Snoke asks, a curiosity to his voice now.

"Yes," Hux says. "I apologize for not mentioning it sooner. With the events on Abafar, things became hectic."

He hates that he feels sick saying it. Ren means nothing to him anymore, didn't mean anything to him in the first place, and he shouldn't care. He doesn't care. Hux wants to feel how he felt before Ren, sure and eager and with one focus.

"No," Snoke says. "Of course. This was one task, and you had other issues to attend to…"

He keeps talking. Hux tries to listen, but he keeps thinking about Ren in his shower, his body mottled in bruises, his eyes vulnerable and open. Hux wants to know how Kylo did it to him—twisted him up so much that Hux still feels bent.

"General," Snoke says, and Hux snaps back to attention. "I expect you to forthcoming in the future about these matters. Kylo Ren is my pupil, and he is of the Force, but like you, he is human."

"Yes," says Hux, his teeth clenched. "He is."

\--

When they see each other on the bridge, they don't speak. When they pass each other in the halls, they don't look. They only talk when necessary, and then they go their separate ways. Hux does not think about Ren. He does not think about the exact location of every mole on his body, the thickness of his hair, the ripple of his veins underneath pale skin. He does not think about the soft press of Ren's lips or how he sighs when kissed under his sharp jaw. How his thighs tremble. And Hux doesn't think about whether Ren mulls over certain things about him, things noticed only in intimacy.

Phasma tells him he seems troubled the next time they spar—the first time in months. Hux is sweating and angry and hates that she can tell, can read his emotion in every move of his muscles.

"Just impatient," Hux says. "Now that the weapon is almost completed."

"Of course, sir," Phasma says.

She steps forward to begin again, but then pulls her sparring staff back and tucks it behind her.

"Sir…Hux," she says. "Did something happen? With Commander Ren—"

"No," Hux says, and then bites his tongue for answering so quickly. "No," he says again, calmer. "And I'd appreciate not being asked that again."

He doesn't think she believes him. He thinks she's watching when he and Ren are forced to interact. But how could anyone not notice? They'd been outwardly amicable for a time, and now their relationship is worse than before. Hux can't help himself. He'd let Ren draw out a part of him that he'd worked so hard to bury. When he remembers that, when he remembers Ren's hands on him, the close of the Force around his throat, a hot anger burns in his lungs. Sometimes it's so intense it physically hurts.

They wait to see Snoke together, pretending the other doesn't exist. Snoke praises Hux for his progress on the weapon, tells Ren he'll be leaving on a mission the next day. Hux is relieved to hear that, to know he can walk the halls again without thinking every shadow is Ren, every heavy step. Ren's been destroying things again, his rage new and unchecked. Hux avoids it. When there's bad news to be delivered, he sends Mitaka.

They leave Snoke's chambers and walk toward the lift. Before, they would ride together, but now Ren usually lets Hux on alone. Hux can hear him breathing in the silence.

"Contact the command room for clearance tomorrow," Hux says. "Mitaka will be there."

Every word feels pulled from his mouth.

"I know," Ren says. "And where will you be?"

"That's not your concern. You focus on not failing your mission, again."

He can't help the jab, can't stop himself from looking at Ren as he finishes. There's a pause, and then Ren's head tilts.

"You seem tense," he says. "Not sleeping again, General?"

Hux's fists tighten, leather cracking.

"Don't you try and goad me," he says. "I know what you hide underneath that mask."

The lift door opens and Hux steps inside. When he faces the front again, Ren is still standing there. Hux wishes he could see his face. He works into the night until his eyes feel like they're burning, Ren's words rolling in his mind, taunting him. He hasn't been sleeping. Not much, anyway. There's too much to be done, and the moment Hux stops moving and lies still he remembers how empty his bed is, how silent his quarters are. So Hux works that night until he no longer can, drags himself to his quarters and only half undresses. He sags onto the bed and falls back, listens to the hum of cycled air.

And then he dreams. He blinks into sleep and then he's on Arkanis, squatting in the grassy field outside his home. It's a rare sunny day and Hux is cleaning a weapon, and the weapon is full of blood. Ren appears as if materializing, as if invading, his steps oddly soft as he stands next to Hux and looks out over the horizon. An old Imperial Star Destroyer lay crashed in the distance, sticking out of the ground as if pointing to something. But Hux can't seem to look up farther than Ren, who stands unmasked and pensive.

"Do you think I made a mistake?" he asks.

"Yes," Hux says, blood all over his hands now. "Isn't that what you're best at?"

"It'll be changing soon, though," Ren says.

Hux drops the weapon into the grass. The blood is his, he realizes that now, even though he's not bleeding.

"What are you talking about? Nothing is changing. You made your choice. I offered myself to you, I tried—"

"You made it worse."

"I didn't," Hux says, shaking his head. "I didn't."

Ren looks at him, and he looks young, younger than Hux remembers. Then they both look out over the horizon. The sky is nothing but stars now.

"Who are you?" Hux asks.

"Don't you know?" There's blood in Ren's mouth. Hux thinks that might be his too. "I'm Ben."

"No."

Hux stands and grabs Ren's arm, watches his eyes shift and wants to kiss him, wants to touch his face but can't seem to move forward. Ren just stares at him.

"How did you find me?" he asks.

He looks back to the stars, millions of them stretching, surrounding them. Hux isn't sure the ground is even there anymore, but he's afraid to look down.

"Let me out of this," he says. "Release me."

Ren looks back at him.

"I'm not holding you here at all."

Hux jerks awake in darkness, body sweating and shaking. Ren's face flashes behind his eyelids, mocks him, haunts him. Hux presses his palms to his eyes and pushes like he can force the image away. When that doesn't work, he goes back to not sleeping. The circles under his eyes grow thicker and darker and Hux avoids sleep, avoids anything that might force him to have to see Ren.

Two months later, they get word the map to Skywalker is on Jakku.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second time I went to see TFA, my friend and I left the theater and she said to me, "That General Hux guy and Kylo Ren acted like bitter exes the whole movie." And I laughed and then five seconds later thought, "Holy shit." And that is the story of how this fic came to be. The end.
> 
> Anyway, thank you all, again, for your super sweet comments!! One chapter left to go ♥


	5. Chapter 5

He doesn't know why it looks like so much blood. Hux is sure he's seen more before. He finds Ren bloody and half-frozen in the snow, a bloody gash down his face and a hole in his side, and all Hux can think is that it's too much blood. There should be less. He stumbles when he sees him, and hates it. But he's never seen Ren this way before, defeated and maybe dying, vulnerable in a different way. Hux slips his great coat off without thinking. Ren's clothes are torn at the shoulder, a tinge of blue around his lips. Hux drapes the coat over Ren's ruined form and stands, labored breathing visible in the cold and shaking air.

"Get him onto the shuttle," he says, and his voice is heavier than it should be.

He follows close after, watches Ren's unfocused eyes, the flakes of snow stuck to his lashes. Too many things have gone wrong.

Ren screams on the shuttle. They try to use the emergency medkit and Ren thrashes like a cornered animal, sends a stormtrooper flying with the Force and then holds onto his side with both hands, mouth twisted open in pain. His hair is limp and stringy with sweat and melted snow, face much too pale. Hux stands in the corner and watches his coat slide useless to the floor. Ren looks around, eyes lit, but can't seem to focus on anything, and Hux can't seem to make himself move. Troopers stand around Ren but don't touch him. He breathes ragged, wild, and then notices Hux in the corner. His body goes still, the shuttle so silent Hux is sure he can hear blood oozing from Ren's wounds. Then Ren starts trying to skitter backwards on the coat, one bloodied hand pushing, but he doesn't get far.

"Not him," he says, staring mad-eyed at Hux. "Not him!"

He falls back onto the cot and screams again. The shuttle dips, and if Hux's stomach weren't already in his throat it'd be there now. He finally moves. He thinks he hears Kylo scream his name, and isn't sure if he wants that to be true or not.

\--

They reconvene on the Finalizer and there is nothing left of Starkiller. It's dead, a blank space in the galaxy now, as if it were never there to begin with. Hux watches the med team carry Ren off the shuttle. As they cart him away, their gazes catch, Ren's covered in blood. He starts to sit up, mouth open like he's going to call out, but then disappears into the halls.

"General," Mitaka says, running into the hangar. "We've evacuated all personnel that we could, but some are still unaccounted for—"

"Then they're gone," Hux says. "What's our power level?"

"We spent considerable energy getting a safe distance from Star—from the planet, but our shields remain at maximum. A jump to lightspeed is possible, though engineering has not recommended it at this time."

"Then don't do it. I'm not risking any more people aboard my ship."

They're walking, but Hux keeps watching the last place he saw Ren. He can't hear him screaming now. He can't hear him at all.

"But…what are our coordinates?" Mitaka asks.

"The Supreme Leader will contact us when he's moved location. Until then, we're to find out how much damage has actually been done." Hux finally looks at Mitaka. "Get to the bridge, I'll meet you there in ten."

Hux turns and heads toward the medbay. He doesn't run, but he walks quickly, which no one blinks at. When he gets there, medical droids and staff are moving frantically. Hux is actually surprised he can't hear Ren screaming or destroying something. He grabs the main doctor as she passes, her gaze widening when she realizes the General is there.

"Sir," she says.

"Kylo Ren," Hux says. "What's his status?"

"He's suffered a severe wound to his side, looks like from a bowcaster. The burn on his face isn't too good either. He's in shock."

Hux blinks stupidly. "Excuse me?"

"Shock," she says. "We've given him a mild sedative, but he'll need the bacta tank—"

"Move," Hux says.

He steps around her and walks back, pulls the curtain aside and freezes. Ren looks smaller, now. He's bare from the waist up, hair dripping from snow and sweat. Hux can see the bandages over his side. They're already soaked with blood. Hux draws the curtain back as he steps in, eyes on Ren's face. Half of it is covered, but Hux can see his one eye, and it's too bright now. Ren turns his head to him, finally focusing.

"Hux," he says, slurring.

Hux swallows. "We're on the Finalizer," he says, because he has nothing else he can think to say. "We've lost Starkiller."

Behind the curtain, it feels like it's just them again, alone and private. Before Hux can realize it, Ren has reached out and grabbed onto his uniform, grip weak.

"It shouldn't have gone this way for you," he says.

Hux wants to scream at him. Drag his finger down the open, bleeding flesh of his face or press his thumbs into the gaping wound at his side. He feels something sting at his eyes and realizes, mortified, that they're tears. Hux blinks them away quickly, Ren still looking up at him, almost pleading now. 

"Hux," he says. "I thought it was you. In the snow, I saw you—how did you know where I was—?"

"You're in shock," Hux tells him. "You need to rest."

"And how are you?" Ren asks.

Hux almost laughs. It bubbles up his throat like hysteria.

"Ren," he starts.

"I wish you had told me to stay, before," Ren says, and Hux can see how huge his pupil is. "I would have. I would have stayed with you."

Hux jerks back, Ren's hand dangling over the edge of the bed now and brushed with blood. Hux is sure there is some on his uniform, but he doesn't look down. He can't see him like this, can't listen to him talking like this. Hux turns. He leaves.

\--

They put Ren in a bacta tank for recovery. According to the doctor, his left lung damn near collapsed. If Hux hadn't found him when he did, he wouldn't have made it. When she tells him that, Hux just nods. He doesn't let himself think about it, about the dark blood on the snow or how he'd almost run to him. But he wonders what happened. He wonders how.

They're to meet with the Supreme Leader at a newly disclosed location, but given Ren's condition, they're allotted a few days to recover and lick their wounds. Hux spends the time mourning the loss of Starkiller. All of it, all the hard work, gone so quickly. They'd known about the weakness, but Hux never anticipated their shields being brought down, that damn pilot maneuvering his way in. It's only a small comfort knowing that the New Republic has been destroyed. But they've been weakened. _He's_ been weakened.

Everyone stares at him when he goes onto the bridge and Hux hates it. They're all wondering about him, Hux is certain, they all know the blood and sweat and agony he poured into that planet. He can't stand them looking. He pours himself into his work, into the recovery efforts, doesn't think about what Snoke might do to him, if anything. Despite the fact that targeting the Ileenium system was Snoke's order, Hux still feels responsible. Judged. Humiliated.

The second night cycle comes since losing Starkiller, and Hux still hasn't slept. He sits in his quarters looking over damage reports, ships lost, personnel killed. At the corner of his desk is a 3D model Ren had knocked over once. Its side is still dented, and Hux can't stop looking at it now. He pushes his chair back, stands.

He walks to the medbay without thinking about it. His feet move on muscle memory. They've switched to auxiliary power, and the rooms are dim and haunted looking. But Hux knows what he's looking for. Despite the loss of the planet, the medbay isn't particularly busy. Hux walks past the beds and into the back room, into central recovery. He turns and Ren is there, the lone occupant, suspended in fluid. Hux inhales. His hair floats all around him, body limp. Hux can see the mottled scar tissue on his side, and even through the breathing mask, he can see the faint line of the scar he'll carry forever. Hux walks forwards and stops just in front of the bacta tank, watches Ren's long lashes, the way his hair dances in fluid.

"Wake up," he says. "You don't get to be in there while I'm out here like this."

Behind the transparisteel, Ren doesn't answer him. Hux presses his hand to the tank.

"Wake up. Please."

Hux pulls his hand back and wipes the print left there away with his sleeve.

"What did you do to me?" he asks, and looks up. "I never asked for your weakness."

_Then leave._

"You know I can't," Hux says, unsure if he's answering himself or Ren, if Ren actually spoke into his mind just then or if he just imagined he did.

He stands watching for a moment longer, Ren silent and healing. And then he turns and goes.

\--

When Hux gets back to his quarters, Phasma is waiting for him outside. He slows, wary, She leans against the wall with her helmet off, bottle of whiskey in her hand. Hux has seen her unmasked plenty of times, though this time feels different. She's watching him like she knows something.

"Busy, sir?" she asks.

Hux picks his step back up.

"Never busy enough," he says.

He allows her to follow in behind him. Once the door is shut, Phasma twists the cap from the bottle. Hux grabs them two glasses. He has his own whiskey, probably of better quality, but he knows a gesture when he sees one. Phasma pours them both a drink. Hux takes a sip of his too fast but doesn't cough. He sits at the edge of his mattress while Phasma sits at his desk chair.

"Well?" Hux asks. "Surely you didn't come here at this time in the night cycle just to have a drink."

"I wanted to see how you're doing."

Hux snorts into his glass.

"I'm fine."

"The project you've spent half your career on was destroyed," Phasma says.

They each take neat sips from the glasses. Hux doesn't want to talk about this. He doesn't want to think about it.

"Nothing is certain in war. We suffered a loss. But I'd say the New Republic suffered worse."

Hux looks down into the amber liquid. He remembers the day he was put in charge of Starkiller. He remembers the vibration of it under his feet as the weapon fired, the bright light he couldn't look away from. Stupidly, he'd thought nothing could touch them then. Nothing could touch him.

"What about Kylo Ren?" Phasma asks.

Hux jerks his head up, chest tightening.

"…What about him?"

Phasma leans back against the chair and looks out over the room. Her skin is so pale, but Hux can see how her cheeks have warmed from the alcohol.

"I overheard a few troopers saying they saw his face," she says. "They said he looks like a boy."

She looks back over to Hux.

"Does he?"

"I didn't take the time to study his face," Hux says, "given that he was bleeding out."

His grip is tighter on his glass now. He tries to relax, but just talking about Ren sets something loose in him, and he hates it, that Ren still affects him so much.

"I'm sure you had time before," Phasma says, and Hux catches her eyes sharply.

"I'd be careful in what you're insinuating, Captain."

"Please, Hux, don't insult my intelligence, and don't treat me as an enemy. The moment you ran to Lothal to fetch him I suspected something. I have no intention of using this information as blackmail, nor will I ever."

"You're wrong," Hux says.

"What happened?" she asks.

"Even if—" Hux pauses and takes a drink, feels dizzy now. "Even if what you suspected was true, there is nothing between us anymore. Ren made sure of that."

Phasma lets her gaze drop slowly. The room feels cooler. Hux drains the rest of his whiskey and holds his glass out for a refill. Phasma obliges, and then pours some more for herself.

"I wonder how he was overtaken," she says. "How could someone get a shot in on a man like that?"

Hux averts his gaze. "We all have weaknesses."

"Yes," Phasma says. "It seems Ren's are worse without you."

Hux pauses, tongue cool and thick from the whiskey. When he exhales, he can smell the alcohol on his breath.

"Are you attempting to play counselor?"

"My loyalty is to the First Order," Phasma says. "And whatever helps it continue to run smoothly."

 _You don't understand,_ Hux wants to say. _I was the one who weakened him._ But he says nothing. Instead, he and Phasma finish their drinks quietly. Once her glass is empty, Phasma leaves. She takes her bottle with her.

\--

Ren wakes up like the first shot of a war. Hux is on the bridge when his comm goes off. The medbay is in need of assistance, any assistance, _all_ assistance. Kylo Ren is awake. Hux's heart leaps into his throat when he hears his name. Then he runs. No one is going to question his urgency now. Hux tears through the halls, overrides the lift and pushes his way past troopers to get into the medbay. He can't hear Ren, but everyone is speaking quietly, standing away from the central recovery room. It's oddly quiet for Ren being awake, and that makes Hux's neck prickle.

"What's going on?" he asks. "Where is Ren?"

"Still in there," someone says.

Hux is a foot away from the door before he realizes he's walking in something wet. A moment later he realizes it's bacta. He braces his hands against the doorframe, inhales, and then steps in. There is transparisteel everywhere, fluid everywhere. There are a few overturned trays and loose hanging tubes, as if a windstorm swept through. Hux can't see Ren, and he almost misses the doctor pressed up against the wall, clutching her comm to her chest.

"He's disoriented," she says, and Hux gives her credit for how steady her voice is. "He doesn't know where he is, or who we—sometimes when people wake up from the bacta, it takes them a while to—"

A light above them shorts and they both jump. Hux glances up and then out into the room and catches sight of Ren. He's on all fours, chest heaving with the force of his breathing. His hair is soaked and sticking to his face. Other than the underwear the medbay supplies, he's naked.

"Ren," Hux says.

He gets no answer. It's as if Ren didn't even hear him. Hux steps forward.

"I wouldn't go near him yet," the doctor says. "He's not stable."

"He never was," Hux says, mostly to himself.

His boots squelch on the bacta and Ren doesn't look up but moves suddenly. He scrambles upright before slipping and falls elbow first into a supply table. Instruments skitter to the floor but Ren catches himself before he falls again, leans on the table to stay upright.

"Ren," Hux says again.

Ren jerks his head up and stares at him, feral, his legs shaking like a newborn animal's. There's a flicker of recognition in his eyes, something familiar. He opens his mouth, but no sound comes out.

"Stop moving," Hux says. "You're on the Finalizer. You're alive."

Ren pushes his hair back and blinks as if he didn't know. He must not even remember their conversation from the other day. Hux can see the scar fully now, the way it cuts so clean across his face and down his shoulder. He wants to trace the scar tissue with his fingers. Ren looks Hux up and down like he's scanning him.

"Hux—"

"Yes," Hux says. "You know me."

Ren's eyes focus, soften. His voice sounds raw and mangled from the breathing tube. He stands fully and bacta drips from his hair and Hux knows that he's mostly healed, but he's absolutely positive Ren is going to rip his wounds open again somehow. Hux reaches forward without letting himself think more about it and grabs Ren by the arms. And then Ren sinks against him that easily. Hux struggles under his weight, feels the cool rush of bacta seep into the fabric of his uniform.

"You came for me," Ren says, quiet.

Hux swallows thickly. He remembers the doctor is still in the room and forces himself to stay composed.

"I need something," he says to the doctor. "A towel, anything."

He hears the squish of her boots as she moves. Ren smells like nothing against him, and it's strange, disconcerting. Hux knows his scent all too well, and he's missed it, wants to inhale it again. Ren is shaking, so cold it's almost as if he's lifeless, but Hux can hear the erratic beating of his heart in the quiet. This close, Hux can practically feel it against his own chest. The doctor returns with a medical blanket. She comes only as close as necessary before handing it off to Hux. He drapes it over Ren's shoulders, Ren looking angry with embarrassment now.

"How long was I out?" he asks.

"Go to your quarters," Hux says. "I have to inform the Supreme Leader that you're awake."

"Hux…"

His eyes are focused now, and Hux can't look away from them.

"Go," Hux says, and bites off the _please_ that rips its way up his throat.

Ren turns from him, and all Hux can smell is disinfectant and bacta, like everything's been wiped clean.

\--

He needs to alert Snoke. He needs to ready their new coordinates. They need to move so Ren can complete his training, so Snoke can burn out what little is left of him. As Hux walks, he feels like he's floating, the floor beneath him nothing. He can't stop thinking about Ren out of the bacta tank, animal-like, weak. He'd been disoriented, and Hux snapped him out of it. Hux stops outside the bridge doors, the weight of that realization hitting him, and then it's as if he touches back down to the floor, as if he's been grounded for the first time in months.

He moves again. But not toward the bridge.

Hux keys the door open to Ren's quarters without bothering to knock. He sees Ren in bed, dressed in leggings now, and clean of bacta. He sits up as he sees Hux, forgets to school his face into a scowl. He just looks relieved. The scar across his face is faint, but thick and noticeable. Hux walks to him slowly, rounds Ren's bed until he's standing over him. He doesn't know what to say. A thousand words pass through his mind, but he can't grab hold of any of them. He just stares, and he knows his emotions are exposed.

"You found me," Ren says. "You came for me."

"I was ordered to," Hux says, automatic.

It's clear that wasn't the answer Ren wanted to hear. He lips are pressed tight together, nearly white.

"Why are you even here?" Ren asks. "What do you—?"

"I tracked you," Hux says.

Ren just stares.

"I slipped a tracker into your belt. Not because Snoke ordered me to, but because I thought you might betray me—us. The Order." Hux pauses and watches the understanding reach Ren, though he doesn't look particularly angry. "I tracked you, even after things…ended."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I wanted you to know."

Ren looks away from him. Hux can see the profile of his scar now, such a clean cut, strangely beautiful. Hux never realized lightsabers were so precise. Ren reaches up absentmindedly and traces a finger over the scarring near his jaw. Hux watches.

"What happened?" he asks finally.

"The scavenger," Ren says, lip curling. "She was stronger than I—"

"No," Hux says. "What happened to you?"

Ren's gaze flickers down.

"Why are you asking?"

"Because I need to know," Hux says.

Ren looks up at him again, briefly, then down. He inhales.

"I killed him," he says, and then stops.

Hux waits, the thin hair on his arms rising.

"Han So—my father. I killed him."

Hux can only nod, understanding, stance softening further. He killed him. And it did nothing to quell the storm inside him. Hux wishes that it did. Ren tells him about the Wookiee, the fight. Hux imagines him furious in the snow, bleeding and breaking.

"I made a mistake," Ren says.

Hux's gut twists, he feels his eyes sting again and can't seem to open his mouth. Ren looks up at him.

"Hux," he says, lips paled. "You were right. I'm weak."

"And it's the first time I've ever hated being right," Hux says. "I hope you're pleased."

Ren's lip twitches, but the lightness leaves him quickly.

"It was worse, without you," he says, and Hux wonders still how it can be so easy for him, to admit his weaknesses.

"You seemed much more inclined to kill me, though," he says.

Ren starts to reach for him and then aborts the motion, hand dropping to the bed.

"I still might," he says. "I still hate you."

Hux swallows. "So do I."

Ren's lip twitches again, and then Hux can't take it anymore. He moves in one terrible and quick motion, bends down and kisses Ren, careful of his hands near his face. It hurts him to do so, everything already so ruined and broken and Hux doesn't know if they can fix this. Ren kisses him back without hesitation, pressing himself into it, his own hands moving to hold Hux's waist. 

"Kylo," Hux says, lips against his cheek, hushing him. "Kylo."

He kisses him again, because it hurts him more to stop, because he's missed this, because it can't be stopped now. He reaches for Ren's hand and their fingers slide together easily. He squeezes.

"Lay back down," he says. 

Ren does, moving just enough for Hux to join him. The bed is smaller, and their bodies fit awkwardly. Hux presses himself against Ren's uninjured side, draws his hand over his bare chest, his fingers moving down, ghosting over the knotted scar and resting over the dip of his pelvis. Ren's face is pressed against his neck, little puffs of hot, uneven breath. Hux has missed this. His chin rests on top of Ren's hair and he can still smell the bacta, but underneath that it's all Ren. When Ren reaches for his hand again, Hux doesn't stop him. 

"Snoke plans to complete your training," he says. "I need to inform him soon that you're awake, and then you'll go to him."

Ren doesn't say anything. Hux is sure he already knows. They lay in silence, their bodies pressed close, Hux aware that it's all slipping away from them very quickly. He's chosen this, and he will very likely die from it. Ren will very likely be the one to end him, if that Force vision holds any truth.

"You came for me," Ren says, as if he can't let that go.

And then, "I think it's too late for us, Hux."

"I know," Hux says, and it's a terrible and freeing feeling. "I know," he says, and listens to Ren's breathing even as he drifts into sleep. Hux shuts his eyes. In the silence, he begins to name the star systems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there it is. I know it's not the happiest ending in the world, but devastatingly sad kylux is my favorite thing, and they're still alive so that counts for something? I am planning a sequel, if you're wondering, but I'm also writing a novel write now, so when or if that will be completed is a mystery please don't fight me :x
> 
> Thank you all so, so much for reading this and leaving such wonderfully kind comments! I'm floored by how sweet y'all are, truly. And a special thank you to [Iris](https://twitter.com/kyluxing) and [Kara](https://twitter.com/ihatekylo) for listening to me yell about this for months and helping to beta. 
> 
> Also, if you haven't seen [chromedqueen](http://chromedqueen.tumblr.com/) made some amazing [art](http://chromedqueen.tumblr.com/post/144985768687/ren-says-nothing-hux-opens-his-mouth-to-tell-him) for this fic and [kylloxren](http://kylloxren.tumblr.com/) made an awesome [gifset](http://kylloxren.tumblr.com/post/144669049276/the-fact-that-theyre-both-vying-for-power)!
> 
> Thanks again for reading ♥


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